Tag: Love

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Facing Memories

There’s nothing quite like going through old memories. Have you ever opened an old trunk in your attic or gone through a closet that doesn’t get much use and find things that used to be so important to you but you’d forgotten all about them? My project this week was to go through my childhood room at my parents’ house. I haven’t lived there for about 7 years, and the room is now needed for purposes other than holding the odds and ends I’ve left behind. I had tried to look through some of it over the years, but each time I never got very far. This time, as I sat on the floor, the books, flash drives, CDs, clothes, jewelry, tickets from shows, even my preschool graduation certificate (which I have no memory of ever seeing before), brought up memories that weren’t always happy or easy. In those 3 or 4 hours of sorting, I held each bit of paper, each book–each memory–and really looked at it. When holding some of the items no memories came up, but with the majority, a memory association came right along with it. And there were hundreds of items!

It think the reason why it took me 7 years to sort through my room was simple: I didn’t want to face the past. For so long, I didn’t feel emotionally ready for what I’d find. While I did not have a bad childhood, I shy away from the memories of it. I don’t remember the details of what was said or what was happening externally nearly as much as what I was feeling or thinking about a situation internally. 

As a child I knew that most people didn’t understand and didn’t go through the emotional heaviness I did all the time, and I thought they were SO lucky (and sometimes still do). How horrible I thought it was to care about everything! If you know the enneagram of personality, I tend toward type 4, and often filter memories through my emotions. For me, it is a serious emotional drain to bring any memory to mind at all, happy or sad. I tend to get either very melancholy or very sentimental. 

I think the hardest part about looking back on the past is remembering those specific instances of being so wrapped up in the emotional high or low of the moment that I often didn’t reach out beyond that to seek God. I was selfish with my emotional experiences and often didn’t let God, or other people, into them. Let’s just say a lot of bad poetry was written.  

Where was God?

I can point to a handful of moments where I absolutely can say, “God was speaking to me,” but it’s sad to me that my memories primarily hold the turmoil I went through. I simply didn’t know how to deal with it or let anyone in to help. I tried to just deal with interior struggles on my own. When it got very bad, I do recall praying for God’s help. Until I got older and started having doubts, I knew for sure He heard me. And now again as an adult, I know He heard me and He hears you as well. He is compassionate and forgiving no matter the messes we’ve made or find ourselves in. I do wish now that I had invited God along for the whole range of emotions back then instead of waiting for disaster, but it’s not worth dwelling on those sort of thoughts for too long, friends. All we can ever do is the next thing, right now. We can be so thankful knowing now that:

Our past may shape our habits and even our attitudes, but it does not define us. 

Thankfully, I am not defined by my past turmoil and missteps, and neither are you. In God’s mercy and grace, He makes us new. We can rest assured knowing that, while our past is still part of our story and need not be forgotten, it does not have to dictate our present, or our story’s ending. Colossians 3:15 says, you were called to peace. He asks us to put on love (v. 14) for He dearly love[d] us (v. 12). We have the ability to choose peace and love right now, no matter what our past looks like. 

So, as I sat among the scraps of my past, and the memories came, I didn’t get overwhelmed to the point of stopping and closing the door behind me this time. I hung on to these Biblical truths and chose to press on and press through the mess. 

Uniquely You.

It is only when we face the truth about ourselves and our past that we can move forward, grow, and eventually, find peace with ourselves. It is only when we stop beating ourselves down for the difficult things we deal with that we can honor what’s unique about who we are and what we are–beautiful creations of God. Whatever our particular struggles are, God made a way for each one of us to be made new through Jesus; He gives us the chance to have eternal life with Him, where the struggle of our old patterns and cycles of sin is over. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! (2 Corinthians 5:17). 

However, I found myself needing to repent, as I remembered and condemned the lost and broken girl I was, the one who messed up that relationship there, and said or chose the wrong thing over there. By condemning my past self, I had condemned my current self, for we are not to judge anyone, even ourselves. All those terrible things I’m thinking about myself, although maybe it’s not hurting anyone, it’s dishonoring one of God’s children. I had to ask God’s forgiveness for thinking so poorly of myself, because He didn’t think that about me. I’m not getting away with the sin of hurting someone, even if that person is myself. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. (Hebrews 4:13). We must remember to honor God by honoring ourselves, who He made uniquely and in His very image. 

Gifts from God.

I know now that the very things I always tried to ignore, my emotions, were actually my superpower all along. I was designed to be able withstand heavy emotional situations–grief, despair, anguish, heartache–I’m intimately familiar with them all because I seemed to experience them every single day. Thankfully that is no longer the case…more like every other day. Now I can help people who are going through these emotions. That’s the superpower gift God gave to me. For that, I am deeply thankful. 

Wading through the wreckage of my past this week in my old room, with memory after memory washing over me was difficult, but no longer impossible. I share this to give you hope if you also avoid situations that bring back traumatic memories. It is possible to heal. God has made a way. I found cards from family members that have passed away. I found cards that I wrote to people but never sent. I found photographs of me with people I am no longer in touch with, and books I felt were closer than friends that I would read over and over. But I was comforted by the fact that these draining or painful memories had faded, and would fade again, because now Jesus is my light. He is the light in my heart. He is the reason I can dance with joy again. I will perpetuate your memory through all generations; therefore the nations will praise you for ever and ever. (Psalm 45:17). Through all of time as we know it, His memory lives on. 

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How Volunteering with Teens Changed My Life

I remember the day my younger sister brought up the idea of volunteering to me. She had been leading a small group of teen girls at her church for months, and one day, out of nowhere, suggested that I try it too. I had only been attending her church’s services for about a month, and only started following Jesus about six months before that. I imagine I quickly developed a skeptical, almost angry look on my face, the one that I’ve seen on my mom’s face a million times when something doesn’t fit her plans. I don’t remember what I said exactly, but I remember feeling completely blindsided. Why would anyone ever want me to work with teens, especially as someone just starting to rediscover faith? And I’m so socially awkward! I never got along with teens, or understood them even when I was one. Honestly, I avoided them as much as possible, especially after high school. 

“Do they know I’m not like you?” I asked my sister. Abby is bubbly, outgoing, friendly, and cheerful. I was anything but. If she was in, I must certainly be out. That’s why her suggestion to be a leader confused me. Who in their right mind would want me to do what she does? If I tried, I would surely be found out as the damaged person I am and I could already see the awkward scene. The youth ministry staff would come up to me after observing my reticism and say, “Sorry Amy, you’re just not what we had in mind for this after all.” Why would I put myself in that position if I already knew the ending? I shared all these fears with Abby. She knows me better than most people, but she didn’t agree. 

All she said was, “Just think about it. You could just try it out.” Her optimism astounded me. It also gave me a tiny bit of hope. If she thought I could do it, knowing all my issues, then maybe I could. But man, was I unqualified. 

I thought about it a lot and prayed, “God, this is so not my thing,” and, “Can you believe this?” The nudge in my spirit to “just try it” never went away. The nudge grew into a knowing that I needed to say yes. A few weeks later, in November 2016, I decided to go. Just to feel it out. Just to observe. Just to try it.

God has something in mind for us. But first, He asks for our yes. 

I was still very new at learning how to know God’s will and tell it apart from my own. To this day, asking me to say yes to youth group is one of the clearest nudges I’ve gotten from God. I did not want to say yes but I knew, strangely without a doubt, that He wanted me to. So, I did. 

The first day was not clear like the nudge had been. It was overwhelming and loud and I don’t think I said more than a few words to any of the teens. However, the small group discussion I shadowed made me appreciate Abby’s role all the more. She led in a relatable way and was able to bring the discussion back around to the sermon topic when it veered off. I watched in awe. How was I ever going to do that? These girls talked to Abby like they were her best friends, but they barely even looked in my direction. The flashbacks to high school were strong. I wrestled with God later that night, “Is this really where you want me?” I wondered if I could be genuine with these strange earthlings called teenagers who just by their presence brought every bit of adolescent insecurity I had stuffed down over the years right back up to the surface. Sharing my experiences with them, or anyone, was a struggle. The nudge didn’t fade. So, I went again the next week. 

God blesses our obedience.

Right around that time, I read Matthew 18:1-7, in which Jesus uses a child as an example for His disciples to follow as a lesson in humility. His words in this passage spoke to me of starting over, becoming simple like a child again, and repenting of my pride. I knew I was making youth group way too complicated and difficult. I would have to lean entirely on God’s strength if I was going to do this. Nothing about volunteering at youth group were strengths of mine: talking to teens, speaking in front of a group and keeping their attention, understanding Scripture enough to teach about it, and giving advice when I barely knew how to say hello. I was being called to an environment where I had no internal strengths to fall back on, and I could only lean on His. 

In our weakness, God is strong.

Now looking back, I believe He wanted me to learn what that feels like. I had been going on my own strength for so long, getting by on my own limited understanding of what I could and couldn’t do. God invited me to take a rest, a real one. Being strong is exhausting, and it isn’t necessary to be strong all the time because He is strong for us. In my journal, after several months of showing up at youth group, slowly getting to know the teens and slowly letting them know me, I wrote, “I want to be generous, but maybe I’m not. I want to be kind, maybe I’m not, I want to be loving, but maybe I’m just not. But maybe that’s the point. Maybe God actually is made perfect in my weakness, and I could only be generous, kind, and loving because of God–and I’d be made fully aware of it.”  

I did not think that teens were wise at all until I listened to their questions in small group. Gen Z is a lot wiser than I originally gave them credit for. They ask incredibly complex questions about life, keeping me and my co-leaders seeking answers in the Bible. 

The teens and the leaders grew and learned together.

As leaders we weren’t only giving to and serving them, but they were giving so much back to us. We admitted that we don’t have all the answers, but promised to seek the Truth from the Bible along with them. We offered to always help them research their questions, but admitted that we wouldn’t always know the answers. 

The teens pushed us to be smarter, to know the Bible better, and to show more grace. They saw things in fresh ways that we didn’t. They challenged us and still loved us after a sometimes-heated discussion was over. Watching and participating in this week after week showed me what the love of the church looks like. Now, I see teens as some of the most accepting, welcoming, and loving people I know. They are truly the ones who welcomed me back into the church family. Given all my teen-related baggage, I’d call that a miracle. 

If teens were my greeters at the front doors of the church, the other youth leaders were my brothers and sisters sitting next to me in the pews. They accepted and loved me as I was from the very beginning, no questions asked. Every week, they wanted to hear how I really was. They listened when I needed to vent. They never preached at me, they prayed for me, and they encouraged me. I never, not even once, felt a hint of judgment from any of them. Their humility and servant hearts astounded me. 

I was nervous when Abby stepped down a few months in that I would have a harder time fitting in with everyone, but they always made me feel like one of them, even though I felt so painfully different. Their faith and love for Jesus and people inspire me and push me forward. Their lack of judgment eventually helped push me enough to volunteer to give a message, after two years of serving alongside them. I stood on the auditorium stage under bright lights in front of hundreds of eyes, quite a long way from that first awkward day where I had no confidence. The very thing I was so scared of, talking to teens and speaking in front of a group–and here I was, willingly doing both! Jesus’ unconditional love reached right through everyone at youth group towards me. His love, the love of the teens, and the love of the leaders changed everything for me. The love I found at youth group gave me hope for the local church. It gave me a new family and the confidence to be vulnerable.  

A farewell

I am so incredibly grateful for the opportunity the youth ministry gave me to learn and grow alongside teens. God knew what He was doing, inviting me to lean only on His strength. I couldn’t do anything but let God lead my words and actions and not to force my way ahead without Him, every single time. 

Today is my last day at youth group as a leader. What an amazing journey it has been, I have learned so much! Just shy of three years, my time is now up. God has more lessons and plans for me in this new season. I am very sad that my youth ministry chapter is ending, but I also know it’s the right thing. I am forever grateful to God and to the youth ministry staff for giving me the privilege of serving with them. 

To God be all the glory. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. -Proverbs 3:5-6

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. -Timothy 4:12

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10 Ways to Help Someone Struggling with Faith

I have shared how to handle being the one struggling with faith in my post, “What To Do When You Struggle with Faith.” In this post, I’ll be sharing ways that we can help someone who is going through this transformative and very painful process. I certainly don’t claim that these ten “dos and don’ts” will apply to everyone, but these include some helpful things people said or did for me. I also include a few things that now looking back on my experience are things I would have felt supported and loved by. People that are going through this process have a hard road, and they need the people who love them and who they trust to be there for them. It isn’t easy to do, and it can be easy to misstep. There is extra grace required (EGR) for people in this plight. Here are some ways we can try to do that for the amazing, brave, and growing truth-seekers in our lives!

1. Love first.

We’ve probably heard it more times than we can count, “love one another,” perhaps from John 13 or Romans 13, but what does it look like to love someone who is questioning everything, who is finding their way, and probably takes everything you say at arm’s length because that’s just where they are? It looks like honoring their process. It looks like showing an attitude of humility instead of judgment. It looks like being present with them in their pain, even if it’s only for just a moment. Loving them means letting them know they’re not alone to deal with the weight of the world, because that’s what it can feel like.  

What Not To Do: The Don’ts to Avoid

2. Do not give any advice or your opinions (unless asked). 

For crying out loud, do not suggest that they “just get out more” and “have more fun.” Believe me, they’ve thought of that and they’d probably love to do that if they could. There is no way someone can just forget about everything they are struggling with because their very way of being in the world is hanging in the balance. Even just walking out the door can present too many decisions to make without a solid framework. For me, I was concerned about hurting other people in the process. I was concerned about misleading them into thinking I was a certain way when really I was just acting like I thought I should act; I wasn’t being myself. Not only does advising or suggesting anything (before you’ve really, thoroughly heard them out) come across as dismissive of their feelings and the vulnerability they’ve shared with you, but this is also a clear sign that you haven’t really had compassion for their situation. Show compassion at all times for their struggle, even if it’s never been your own, and you can’t go too wrong. 

3. Recognize that while “It’s going to be okay,” might be a great catch-all phrase to say in many other situations where someone is struggling, this might not be the one in which to use it. This is probably not going to be a comforting or helpful thing to say here. There is a difference though between saying it after you’ve explained Biblical Truth to them in a way that encourages them and offers the hope and love of Jesus, and saying it after they’ve expressed their broken heart to you. If the latter, steer clear of this overused, one-size-fits-all phrase. It can easily sound dismissive to the vulnerable ears of someone in the form of an existential crisis. Though you might be trying to love and encourage them by saying this, it actually might be hurtful to them. 

4. Do not make light of the struggle they’ve shared with you. 

If you are privileged enough to have someone share their faith struggle with you, congratulations. You are (most likely) a safe person to them; this is a privilege. Take that seriously. If you don’t know something that they want to know, don’t pretend you do. Be honest and let them know you’ll look into it for them, and actually follow up on it. Don’t make light of something you don’t understand in this scenario because what you say will probably be taken seriously in some aspect. Don’t derail what they are probably inwardly exhausted by from the process of sharing with you. Keep an attitude that honors the weight of the person’s soul struggle. Honor their process, and feel honored that they are even willing to be around you when all they probably want to do is go be alone. 

5. Do not hide or downplay your own faith. 

Strong faith is encouraging to anyone seeking it. It is rare to find great faith. When I did, I was fascinated by it, astounded, even. I wanted to understand it, I wanted to understand how people could be so sure of anything. Just because someone else isn’t sure about their own faith doesn’t mean you have to hide your own to try to relate to them. Faith is a beautiful, powerful thing that can bring hope and light to someone’s feeling of hopelessness. If the opportunity comes, share your testimony with them. Share why you have hope and faith in Jesus. Don’t preach at them, but do share your story. Your story when told in a loving way can go way farther than the reaches of an internet article on faith or an inspirational quote. Let them know their pain is valid. Let them know how courageous they are to ask challenging questions about life in order to discover the truth. It may be the inspiration they need to keep going.

What To Do: The Dos

6. Listen to them.

Though someone might share something very real and personal with us about their faith, that doesn’t always mean they feel heard by us in turn. To really listen to someone is actually an incredibly rare skill that requires wisdom and practice. Cultivate the practice of really listening when someone shares something with you. Do you pay attention in a way that they feel heard and seen, or are you listening so that, in the next breath, you can feel heard and seen in your response? There is a big difference. Have the people who have opened up to you come back to you again to open up? If not, that might be a sign that your listening skills might not be ready yet for this job. Be more intentional about the art of listening to people’s hearts. Someone who needs support in their faith journey, if you’ve read this far, needs someone like you.  

7. Offer Truth if welcomed and if so, always speak the Truth in love.

Going back a bit to #3, Biblical Truth is the only sustaining anchor in a swirl like this one of faith. If you have the opportunity to speak Truth into the confusion, and love into the heartbreak, of this person, this is the most healing salve there is. Be sensitive to where this person is before you share. Are they in a pragmatic, logical frame of mind or a seeking, desiring to learn and understand frame of mind? Are they stoic and unexpressive, or are they fed up, frustrated, or sad? These things can serve as vital signs that can indicate what they are open to hearing. Always speak in love, but if you’re seeing their desire to learn and understand or if they’re showing emotional readiness for change, speak that Truth! 

8. Offer to be there for them (if you actually can/will be), and be supportive of their growth process.

Do not offer to be there for someone if you can’t. Just please don’t ever do that. This goes for any situation, really. It can be extra tough not to if you’re feeling a sense of obligation or guilt or pity in the moment, but in the long run it’s better if you’re honest. But if you can be there, if you can hang in there with the person, Lord bless you. Check on them every week or two and ask how they are physically (are they sleeping? eating?) and emotionally (are they feeling numb? shame? frustration?)*. Ask what faith-related or spiritual life questions they have been preoccupied with lately (because there’s always something). Just taking an interest is huge; it can be such a shameful thing to struggle with faith, so to bring that shame to light by allowing them to share it openly in this way with you may be a crucial part of shedding the burden. It’s also part of the growth process to dip one’s toes in the realm of being out in the world again. If they ask you to go with them to an event or any place where other people are around, try to help them feel welcomed there even if they are withdrawn. The fact that they are even there is most likely a huge step for them. Telling someone, “I believe you can do it!” can go a long, long way.  

*For anyone who is dealing with serious emotional problems, these questions should be handled by a mental health professional.

9. Pray.

It is important to remember to give the situation to God and recognize that ultimately that person and their heart is in His hands. Pray that they would grow in their faith journey. Pray that they would be able to come to a place of rest and healing in Jesus. Pray for yourself to be able to help them in the ways you can and to speak and show love to them. Pray that you would have the same compassion for them as God has, asking to see the person with His eyes.  

10. Show grace. 

It is so important to reflect the grace of God back to someone who either feels they’ve fallen from it or maybe never knew what grace was to begin with. Grace is getting what we don’t deserve, it’s unjust in the most beautiful way. It’s undeserved kindness, “…God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance” (Romans 2:4). God has been radically, astoundingly, magnificently kind to me, and to you. If we can show God’s grace to people who are suffering, we can offer the Truth and the hope that they are not lost. That they are not too far gone. That there is grace and peace in Jesus. If we can do that, we may even be privy to witness the beauty of a heart transformed.  

Further suggested reading: What To Do When You Struggle with Faith

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” -John 13:34

“Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another…” -Romans 13:8

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What To Do When You Struggle with Faith

Here we are, the first blog post of Life with the King! I hope that here you will find something helpful for your own faith and truth-seeking journey, whether you’ve never thought much about faith before, had faith your whole life, or are somewhere in between. I’m excited to get started!

I don’t know about you, but my struggle with faith wasn’t pretty or quickly resolved with a conversation or two with a trusted friend.

While we all have doubts that come up from time to time, that’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about a long, difficult, painful struggle with faith in God. A struggle that led to seeking out the answers to life’s big questions from cultures completely different from mine. A struggle that led to my identity as a believer being completely wiped out, and being faced with the choice to rebuild it on something else. A struggle that led to laying in bed as often as possible without getting questioned about it.

If that’s you, wow do I feel for you. I have been there, and it is not easy. When I was able to share with someone what I was going through, people told me not to worry about it and not to take it so seriously. That it was all going to be okay. These platitudes, while surely well intended, came across as unhelpful and dismissive. I want you to know that your pain is completely valid, I get it, and you are incredibly courageous for being willing to ask the big questions. To be willing to change to know the truth. That takes guts.

I wouldn’t wish the type of deep, prolonged pain I experienced from struggling with faith for anyone, but for some of us, it is a reality. I can say now that I’m thankful for it; as the wise saying goes, pain may in fact be our best teacher. Neither I nor anyone else can take the faith journey for you. Only you can press on in this. You can and you must; know that I believe you can do it! In my own journey so far (thankfully we never actually stop journey-ing!) I learned several things that were helpful to remember when the road got unbearably difficult. Without further ado:

1. You are not alone; avoid isolating.

Although it may feel incredibly lonely at times, you are not alone if you struggle with faith. Many people have gone through similar journeys and have come out on the other side. The people in your life that maybe don’t fully understand, they are still there for you and they care about you. Allow them to be around you, even if it’s hard. Don’t isolate yourself in all your pain. Let me repeat that, do not isolate yourself in your pain. Whether they understand us or not we all need other people around us, especially when we are down, to show us that life can still be lived and that joy can still be found. Let those who you trust and who love you in, as much as you possibly can.

2. No one has completely figured God out.

As much as knowing that God does or doesn’t exist would be helpful in moving on with your life, no one knows 100%. Neither science nor religion can prove either way. If your journey has led you onto this unending path, you can put down your binoculars now, there is no proof. That is the maddening yet beautiful mystery we are all faced with. That is where facts end and faith can begin.

3. Love is not a feeling, it’s a choice.

You’ve probably heard the phrases before: Love God Love Others, or, God is Love. When you’re in the depths of struggling with faith, you doubt God’s love. You doubt your ability to love and put walls around your heart to avoid feeling any additional pain. But one of the most liberating things I’ve learned is that it’s not about a feeling at all. Love is a choice you make. Love is a choice God makes. Each one of us has been gifted with the ability to choose. We can choose love, we can choose forgiveness, we can choose belief. And it doesn’t have to be based on a feeling. Feelings come and go, but the truth lasts. We can base our choices on the truth. And what we choose to believe drives our very lives.

4. Start from the Truth.

When you’re questioning everything, it can be very difficult to find solid truth to stand on. I think this is what made my journey so painful, that there was suddenly no rhyme or reason to my day-to-day decisions, other than I felt like making them. There was no solid reason I could point to anymore of why I should avoid being influenced by something, for an extreme example, Satanic music; my only reasoning was that it would or wouldn’t make me feel good. I could do anything I wanted, with no boundaries. Sure, I could start at the laws of morality, but let’s be real, there are some gray areas there. I no longer trusted the Bible because I had let other peoples’ opinions about it influence me (cue hearing a mockery of the story of Noah’s ark for about 10 solid minutes, and picking apart Adam and Eve, thus discounting the whole text as unreliable). I found a very important piece of truth after attending a philosophy roundtable discussion. I came away from our discussion that week on the philosophy of death feeling completely torn apart emotionally. Afterward, I kept playing one thing over and over in my head, something a woman shared with the group about telling her kids there was nothing beyond death,

“When they were old enough, I told them that we die, and when we do we become part of the earth.” This bothered me deeply for days.

Suddenly, and without warning me about it first, “There has to be more than this,” popped into my head. The best way I can describe it is that it bypassed my thought processes and was communicated straight into my heart. My nugget of truth. My spirit had been uncomfortable, unwilling, to accept the woman’s philosophy (which happened to be the group’s majority belief). No, there has to be some meaning to life and death. All this pain and all this joy and the billions of journeys that are happening in people’s hearts all over the globe, there is absolutely no way it’s all for nothing. I simply couldn’t accept otherwise. Perhaps this nugget helps you, perhaps you’ll discover your own. What is it that you just can’t get past? Start there.

5. Keep going.

Even though it’s hard, and it may be one of the hardest experiences you ever go through, always keep going. Keep learning about yourself, keep seeking out answers, and you will have a rich array of experience and wisdom to share with others. Avoid staying stuck in one spot, don’t give up on all the other areas of your life because of one thing you can’t get past. If you need to stop probing in one area of your life, start working in another until you’re ready to come back to it. Usually, they don’t all get resolved at once. This process takes time; stay patient with it and with yourself. Always keep growing, and treasure your gift to choose where you place your focus and attention. Never give your gift of choice up or let anyone make your decisions for you. You’ve got this.

I got to a point where my hope and my joy had died along with my faith and couldn’t be resurrected by my own effort. In my darkest moment, during what poets, religious scholars, and philosophers have called the “dark night of the soul,” I gave up the control that can so easily keep faith at bay and finally let go of the skepticism and the need to understand it all. Immediately, God’s love rushed into my soul, and I’ve never taken it for granted since. My faith was restored as a tiny mustard seed, but it was there. And it grew. My life changed. I changed. Having faith takes everything you have, what you once thought about yourself, the direction you had set and planned for your life, and the way you see the world. But it’s worth it. God is so worth it all.

Hebrews 11:1 “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”

Resources for further reading: The Reason for God by Timothy Keller; Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

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