Tag: Love

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Lilacs in October

If you’ve read my post The Intimate Love of God, you’ll know how much I love flowers. To me, they have a kind of magical quality, a beauty that speaks to the beauty of heaven. So maybe it won’t surprise you too much to know that autumn is not my favorite season.

This week, however, something amazing happened–the lilac bushes in the area bloomed again. Typically only lasting a few weeks in spring, lilacs have one of my favorite scents. Upon walking outside in early October, I can suddenly smell the springlike, floral scent that the tiny clusters of light purple blooms are now wafting through the cool autumn air. For me, it’s a kind of small miracle.

Flowers typically signal spring, a time for singing in creation, “for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land” (Song of Solomon 2:11-12). To see spring flowers now, when creation is starting to show signs of fading for the colder months, was such a surprising encouragement for me, whose favorite season is spring (surprised?). It reminded me that God sees us and knows exactly what will delight us, and He uses that to speak to us uniquely.

Have you ever been surprised by an image or a symbol with special meaning to you and felt God nudging you? Sometimes He uses these simple everyday things to give us encouragement to keep going, or a moment of relief in a time of stress. If you haven’t, or it’s been a while, remember He is always speaking to you, and He never stops. He won’t ever stop trying to get your attention. Sometimes all we need is a reminder to notice His nudge in our hearts.

Let this encourage you to watch and listen for God. Amid the noise around us, God knows what means the most to us and speaks to us in a language that only you share with Him. He can use not only images and symbols but emotions, Scriptures, and other people’s words too. It is up to us to notice. It is up to us to appreciate how God relates to us and to grow in our relationship with Him.

So let this be a reminder to stop and literally smell the lilacs, in whatever form they take for you in your own life. God is waiting to delight you in His deep, specific knowledge of and love for you.

“All the earth worships you and sings praises to you; they sing praises to your name” (Psalm 66:4). 

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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The Joy of the Lord is Your Strength

My first blog of 2025 was back in early June, when I wrote about driving. In Jesus’ Kingdom vs my kingdom, right at the beginning of this beautiful Maryland summer, I rejoiced in the ability to drive again, in being healed. And while that is still true, I want to confess to you that my anxiety symptoms still do flare up from time to time. In the last month I’ve struggled with them. I wanted to be honest with you to say that if you also struggle sometimes, that doesn’t mean God hasn’t healed you.

I have been starting to see the gift in the struggle. Instead of seeing flare ups as set backs, I’ve started to see them as opportunities for simply surrendering the struggle to God once again, whether it be for the 5th or 500th time of the day. Yesterday, while driving one of the most challenging routes I’ve attempted, I experienced something different in the struggle–joy.

When I felt that difference, the verse “…the joy of the Lord is your strength” (Nehemiah 8:10) popped into my mind. I experienced, for the first time in my memory, the pure joy and strength that comes from leaning into relationship with God in the midst of a moment of fear. I saw in that moment that leaning on His strength made my connection with Him stronger too in that moment, and I could experience His presence. Feeling anxiety wasn’t making me less worthy of Him or proving that I wasn’t healed, but instead it was teaching me how to connect to Him and trust Him more deeply.

God is calling us all into deeper relationship with Him. He can use anything to call us, perhaps especially the things we struggle with the most. For me, I just needed to see the fear as another way I could experience an expression of His love, instead of seeing it as some form of punishment.

In the context of Nehemiah 8, and in Psalm 20, God shows Himself to be strong for those of His people who find joy in Him. Psalm 20:5-6 says, “May we shout for joy over your salvation, and in the name of our God set up our banners! May the Lord fulfill all your petitions! Now I know that the Lord saves his anointed; he will answer him from his holy heaven with the saving might of his right hand.” I think a big mistake we tend to make is to think we are strong enough. If we just try hard enough, we think we can save ourselves. But we can’t, and we’re not supposed to.

We’re designed to lean on and trust God as we encounter struggle. We’re not supposed to chalk it up as shameful until we feel better about ourselves and try to face a challenge again. I pray this cycle that I was in doesn’t continue, and that you, friends, steer clear of it. Seeing it as the trap it is, and experiencing joy and strength from Him was all I needed to get through the anxiety I felt.

In that moment of experiencing joy, suddenly, the anxiety dissipated, and driving was no big deal again. Seeing the truth of God’s design for close relationship with Him makes the discomfort less mysterious. Our struggles are not the end, even though they may feel that way in the moment. We can taste and see that the Lord is good (Psalm 34:8), and He won’t leave us to struggle alone. His desire is to heal us, and we are healed in His Presence. He’ll never stop wanting that for us, or inviting us to relate to Him more. May He use both the struggle and the joy in our lives for His glory. Amen.


“As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today” (Genesis 50:20).

“You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows” (Psalm 23:5).

“Sing aloud to God our strength; shout for joy to the God of Jacob!” (Psalm 81:1)

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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From Death to Life

Self acceptance was never my strong suit. I focused much of my attention all my life on being “better;” self improvement was my favorite genre. Perfectionism ruled and ruined me. I knew I could never be perfect, but my actions told a different story. While I achieved, I was never content. I wanted to be better than I am at everything I cared about, like dance, academics, and yes, following Jesus.

When the initial passion wore off and these things inevitably became a box to check off my list, I’d get down on myself all the more. Sometimes I’d double down, sometimes I’d quit for months. The concept of following Jesus, living in close, trusting relationship with God, sounded great. I wanted to love God more than anything, and failed over and over. But perfectionism, or even self improvement, is fruitless when God isn’t asking it of us. It took time for me to learn that God really doesn’t expect us to be perfect.

I heard a line in a sermon recently that has been ringing True ever since: “Jesus didn’t come to make good people better, He came to make dead people alive.” All this pressure I tend to put on myself to be “better,” it is not the business of Jesus. He makes our souls, once dead to the bondage of sin, alive. There is so much to rejoice in with that! The Psalmist wrote, “For you have delivered my soul from death, yes, my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of life” (Psalm 56:13). That Jesus delivers us from death is worth meditating on, rather than our faults and shortcomings. Rather than my worrying about being “better,” I realized it was far better to focus on what Jesus has already done.

Jesus brought several people from literal death to life, including Jairus’ daughter (Mark 5:22-43; Luke 8:41-56), and Lazarus (John 11:14-44). But His legitimacy as the Son of God and the legitimacy of everything He said during His three years of ministry was confirmed when He Himself died and came back to life. “He [Jesus] presented himself alive to them after his suffering by many proofs, appearing to them during forty days and speaking about the kingdom of God” (Acts 1:3). Those who saw Jesus alive after He had died on the cross then later risked their lives to tell others what they had witnessed.

Today, Jesus is in the business of bringing people dead in sin (and soul) to life. He brings people like me and you back from this death every day. I was dead in bondage to sin, which kept me tied to striving, perfectionism, and self criticism. But Jesus made a way for me off of that road of self destruction and on a path with Him and for Him in the “light of life.” We still need to take up our cross daily (Matthew 16:24, Luke 9:23) to follow Jesus, but He set us free from death when He rose from the dead. That’s the good news. And we’re not just free, either, but victorious over death with Jesus. He shares His victorious life with us.

Halleluiah, Jesus is alive, and because of Him and His love for us, so are we!

“He is not here, for he has risen, as he said. Come, see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples that he has risen from the dead, and behold, he is going before you to Galilee; there you will see him. See, I have told you” (Matthew 28:6-7).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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Getting What You Pray For

We expect to get what we pay for. But what about what we pray for? I’ve questioned if something I am praying for is really God’s will, but many times I actively tried not to think about it that way and just prayed for what I wanted or needed. Knowing what God wanted seemed far too mysterious, and was something I would ignore out of frustration. I had no idea how to tell or how to walk in step with God’s will when it came to my everyday life, and it seemed like an impossible ask, and task.

Lately, I’ve come to understand this differently, in a way that removed so much more of the mystery than I ever thought possible.

Praying for My Will

The needs and wants that come up hourly in my own life and in the lives of those close to me seem infinite in number. There are needs to be met at every turn for every person, and it doesn’t take long to realize that we ourselves aren’t equipped to fill them all. We need God every day, hour, and minute. It is natural to have a need or want and pray for it to happen. It’s what I was taught to do, and there’s a good place for it. As an example, for many years I prayed that I would be able to go to bed and actually fall asleep earlier.

But as much as I wouldn’t have believed it or wanted to hear it, I didn’t know what I actually needed or wanted. I didn’t understand how God designed us first for relationship with Him and how much in our lives is a result of this Truth. I knew the sleep trouble indicated a misalignment somewhere in my life, but I didn’t realize that staying up too late was actually a symptom of not prioritizing my relationship with Jesus, or how He was calling me to live. I had prayed for the symptom, but completely missed the root cause.

God’s Restoration

Once I saw the connection of everything to my relationship with Jesus, things didn’t feel so complicated. I simply had to run to Him. I’ve had to learn many things “the hard way,” by not getting what I pray for. Those prayers weren’t focused on what was best in the long run, but what I thought would be good in the present. But God has worked in my heart to restore what I thought at one time was broken trust. God began a needed work of restoration in me that I couldn’t accomplish on my own. I prayed for it, and this time, He answered. He showed me that His will truly is what is best in the long run. Scripture clearly shows time and time again that it is God’s will to restore connection with the hearts that humbly bring themselves to Him. It’s who He is, part of His loving and faithful character. He will restore connection with us whenever we earnestly ask for it, because that is His will.

In this restoration of connection, God transformed my heart. He helped me see how things I believe, say, or do, especially when related to myself, affect my relationship with Him. He showed me through His Word and Spirit that relationship with Him is the most precious and important thing, both to me and to Him. His will is always barrier-free relationship with each one of us. Instead of simply praying for temporal improvements, I began to ask, does this affect my relationship with God? That question has changed everything.

He doesn’t want anything to come between Himself and me or you; He is faithful to help us keep our connection strong when we ask. Through His transformative work in my heart, I came to know that prayers aligned with restoring and keeping and growing trusting, relational connection with us will be answered. It has led to even deeper prayer, with a profound sense of knowing that God has already supplied every real need (Philippians 4:19), before we even ask!

Praying for God’s Will

I mentioned earlier about praying for perceived needs according to what we want or will. But things can get more complicated than that. What if it’s God’s will that a need remains unmet right now? What if His greater plan involves that need going unmet?

Jesus gave us an amazing example of praying for God’s will in the garden of Gethsemane, “And he withdrew from them about a stone’s throw, and knelt down and prayed, saying, ‘Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done‘” (Luke 22:41-42). He knew the Father’s will, but in this prayer He lets the Father know His own will, which is quite opposite. But then, Jesus says something really extraordinary. Jesus displays ultimate humility, knowing and acknowledging that God’s will is sovereign. No matter how much Jesus’ own will tried to resist against it, He had decided long before praying that prayer that God’s will would always be His choice because of His trusting relationship with Him. He had no doubt about the Father’s character of ultimate love and goodness toward Him.

I believe God is inviting us today to decide, like Jesus had done, that He is sovereign in our lives, to humble ourselves in trust, and to choose relationship with Him over our own will. God’s will is restored relationship with Him, and in that place of safety there is freedom and life to be found, sweeter than any life we could attempt to build from our own will.

When we pray for God’s will, we get what we pray for. It may not be immediate, or the way we expect, but restored and strengthened relationship with God is where all this, His plan, is heading. God is faithful and trustworthy to fulfill His will. May His will be done!

“For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother” (Mark 3:35).

“If anyone’s will is to do God’s will, he will know whether the teaching is from God or whether I am speaking on my own authority” (John 7:17).

“And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God” (Romans 8:27).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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Sanctification and Fruitfulness

This year, I’ve visited more farms than I can remember visiting in any previous summer. I’ve picked strawberries, peaches, and flowers. I’ve smelled the Maryland tomatoes and cantaloupes piled high in farmer’s market bins. I’ve felt the sun more than I have since I was in middle school. It’s been healing.

Stale, work computer-charged air a distant memory, I’ve been appreciating the delight of abundance this harvest season. The earth’s harvest is very symbolic in Scripture; it has so much to teach us, especially if, like me, you’ve had to adapt to measuring time by email deadlines rather than by the seasons of Creation.

The harvest season comes with a lot of opportunity to connect with God and each other. As summer yields the crop for the year, seeing the abundance of God’s provision has given me a childlike wonder and delight. A single fruit tree bearing incredible quantities of fruit in just one season has been quite a sight to behold on the farm.

I’ve been longing for the ability to make my own life fruitful to live in the beautiful ways Scripture says is possible (eg: John 15:5, Galatians 5:16-25). But I often feel sorely lacking, and in a season not of abundance but of drought. I’ve been reading about and longing for sanctification and frustrated by its slow, and at times painful, progress that takes a long time to yield fruit and a lifetime to be completed. Sanctification is hard to define, but it involves seeing the Truth to the point of no longer being deceived by selfish desires or goals to find fulfillment, and dedication to serving God and doing His will, instead of my own. This is foolishness to the world of email deadlines, profit margins, and fiscal year spreadsheets that I was entangled with for years, and the process of detangling has been a wild one.

Like the wheat and weeds grow up together, people who love Jesus grow here in the world along with everyone else and everything else (Matthew 13:24-30). Followers of Jesus are not to be removed, but to remain in the world and be an influence for good. Jesus prayed for His followers in His high priestly prayer before His arrest, “My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it” (John 17:15-16) (NIV). The answer to sanctification is not shutting out all of the entanglements, temptations, and evil and hope that that makes us good enough people. We can’t escape the world, nor does God want us to. What makes us able to be fruitful among it all is utter devotion to and dependence on Jesus and His sanctifying work in our hearts.

Jesus continues His prayer, “Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified” (John 17:17-19) (NIV). Jesus prayed for our sanctification. Sanctification involves abiding in Jesus. Abiding, like sanctification, is ongoing, not bound by time at all. We all live in the tension of waiting for the fullness of God’s provision and work in us. It isn’t something I can achieve or be rewarded with. It’s something I simply need to allow. Simple, yet, at least for me, incredibly difficult.

It’s worth it though, because sanctification leads to our lives bearing good fruit. As we allow God by the Holy Spirit (Romans 15:16, 1 Corinthians 6:11) to work in and sanctify us, we grow and mature. We are transformed by Him in holiness, or moral purity in our attitudes, thoughts, and actions. I’ve witnessed this change in people, and it’s simply miraculous.

The fruit that comes as a result of sanctification is loving people as God loves us, living with joy, walking in peace, caring with patience, bearing with others in kindness, and so on (Galatians 5:22-23). Sanctification involves our hearts, minds, and spirits coming to a place that no longer gives in to anything that blocks us from abiding in Him. And again, we’re on a lifelong journey to be sanctified. God is faithful to sanctify His people, even though it may feel slow and painful and impossible at times. This season of abundant, fruitful harvest reminds me of this hope for my own life.

There’s nothing we can do to earn sanctification or speed it up or work toward it. The work is allowing and completely depending on God to do the work that is needed in us, and having faith that He is, has been, and will be working. May God help us on the days we resist His work, and may our lives bear fruit as we allow Him to work through us. Amen.

“Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it” (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24).

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Romans 12:2).

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9).

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Take Heart

I hadn’t watched the news in a long time until yesterday. I don’t have regular TV and haven’t missed it. Horrors in the region, the state, the country, and the world all neatly packed into 2-minute segments, just long enough to instill a sense of fear or dread or can’t-miss-the-update-we’ll-oh-so-conveniently-bring-you-at-5. The world is full of stories, and now we know them whether we want to or not. Having peace in our hearts and minds is what we need to thrive, create, and learn new things. In such an environment, how do we have peace?

Thankfully, Jesus shows us how to break bad news to people we care about, without compromising their peace. In John 16, before His arrest, Jesus tells His disciples He’s going away, and that some scary things will happen, things they never imagined were possible. Then, in one of my favorite verses in the whole Bible, Jesus says, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). The world and peace don’t ever seem to coincide, even 2000 years ago. Jesus isn’t telling his friends horrible things to scare them, He’s saying that no matter what comes, peace is found in Him.

Circumstances we face may be terrible, but Jesus isn’t ignorant to them. He knows about them, He is not scared by them, and He is a steady place to go when things in the world try to knock us off balance. Jesus is where we can find peace.

About 60 years after Jesus’ time, the apostle Paul wrote to the early Christian church from prison, “I can do all things through him who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:11). Speaking of his imprisonment, Paul wrote to his friends with not only hopefulness but profound encouragement, “I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel, so that it has become known throughout the whole imperial guard and to all the rest that my imprisonment is for Christ” (Philippians 1:12-13). Paul knew that God was bigger than his predicament of being imprisoned, and that God hadn’t left him, evidenced clearly by the fruitfulness that came of it. You can almost hear the joy and peace in Paul’s tone when he writes, “…most of the brothers, having become confident in the Lord by my imprisonment, are much more bold to speak the word without fear” (Philippians 1:14).

Paul’s chains do not keep God from working through him, and in fact, his imprisonment may have helped the Gospel spread all the faster and more powerfully. So friends, there is no circumstance too dark or scary for God to walk with you in and work through you in. There is nothing that can separate us from His love (Romans 8:38-39).

The circumstances in the world will be difficult, yes. Oppressive, yes. Inducing of suffering, yes. But we are not left defenseless. Jesus gave us reason not to let the fear that the world can incite take over our hearts. Jesus gave us the Truth, that He has overcome the world (John 16:33). The Truth is compared in Scripture to the belt (Ephesians 6:14) in the description of the armor of God we are commanded to take up. Peace is compared to the shoes (Ephesians 6:15), needed for our sense of readiness. It is from a place of peace in Jesus that we can be ready to endure, solid as a pillar in the Truth, fully surrendered in trust that the Lord will provide all we need out of His deep and abiding love for us.

Though we will be challenged by the world daily to retreat in fear, Jesus tells us to “take heart” in the face of it all. He has overcome the world that scares, threatens, questions our identity, and challenges our faith. May we therefore take heart!

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints,” (Ephesians 6:10-18).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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Endure Until the End

It is a heroic characteristic to endure. If we are able to have the blessing of sticking it out in this life, we endure its hardships and suffering. But movies send the misleading message that right after hardship, things immediately get better and stay that way. Reality, however, doesn’t pan out that way. Yet, because Jesus gives us hope beyond this world, we can endure, and if we have the faith, we can also trust that Jesus will make it all worth it in His Kingdom.

Jesus said of the end times, “Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved” (Matthew 24:12-12). We aren’t promised better times; in fact, we are assured that the wickedness we must endure will get progressively worse.

Love must not grow cold in us, but must be kept warm in our hearts in order to endure, and we are warned that most people will fail at this. It is love that indicates our ability to stand firm to the very end.

Love is first on the list of fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22. In my own experience, love is not possible without the help of the Holy Spirit. I am keenly aware how much my flesh opposes love, a tension I’ve wrestled hard with; the world tells us we “love” each other just fine thank you very much, but the world’s love is not God’s unselfish, uninhibited, deeply caring, unconditional, eternity-enduring LOVE. The flesh, or the desire for self-preservation and avoidance of pain, gets annoyingly in the way of that kind of love.

To die to self is the only way to let the God-given, miraculous kind of love flow through us, and to choose to live by the Spirit instead of the flesh. As far as I’ve been able to learn in my journey, to deny the flesh and live by the Spirit is what we must do to be able to endure in love until the end of this age.

On days like today, my flesh wants to enter into the world’s system and way, and fight on my own strength from a place of fear disguised as anger and a sense of rightful injustice. Today I need to work extra hard to remember the Truth–that “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still” (Exodus 14:14). And that we are not of this world, “But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ,” (Philippians 3:20). We are to seek first the kingdom of God (Matthew 6:33), (because isn’t that hard enough for us?), and trust that God will provide, no matter how bad things look.

A necessary disclaimer I must add here is that of course I know that there are those whom God has given the strength to work for justice in this world, even among the increase of wickedness, and they are doing good and necessary work that I admire and applaud. But anyone who works against the tide of wickedness and endure in love must be given a God-given purpose in their work, not of fear. It’s the fear-driven anger I feel that tells me that work is not mine to do. And that is the perspective I’m coming from it all with today.

Things are getting harder. But God has not let us be blindsided by this fact; He warned us long ago. And He calls us to endure. Endure in faith. Endure in love. Endure in hope. “Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted” (Hebrews 12:3). To endure, we must keep our eyes fixed on Jesus. Amen.

Remember that out of great tribulation comes a promise, “They shall hunger no more, neither thirst anymore; the sun shall not strike them, nor any scorching heat. For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their shepherd, and he will guide them to springs of living water, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes” (Revelation 7:16-17).

“Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord‘” (Romans 12:17-19).

“Therefore as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity” (Colossians 3: 12-14).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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Breaking Two Years’ Silence with Self Love

I’m just realizing my last post was 23 months ago.

I no longer have the desire to blog in the way I used to, spending hours pouring over every word, a little nervous every time I would click “publish.” While I am so grateful for what I was able to share, I couldn’t continue in the old process; I needed time away. Sustaining the writing process is a huge part of blogging, and I needed time to find a better way. So, if you you’re here for the first time, welcome. If you’re still here, thank you. I’ve loved having this space to share my life with the King of all, and I am so grateful to be able to get back to it.

I am in the middle of a season of working on self love, recently kicked into high gear. I don’t know about you, but loving myself never came as naturally to me as loving others. I’ve learned that they truly go hand in hand. The cliche is entirely true, that you have to love yourself before you are capable of fully and truly loving others well. We are all so connected, much more than we tend to realize. The way we love ourselves, or don’t, affects others whether we realize it or not.

So, how do we love ourselves?

For those of us who struggle with this, I’ve found it helps to first rest in Jesus. We can’t white-knuckle our way to loving ourselves, we have to let ourselves go. For me I think it’s the control that I try to keep, often without even realizing it, that blocks love from flowing. When we rest in Jesus, our defenses aren’t up, we are present, and we are showing up in trust of Him that He will keep us safe as we rest. Self love requires trust, and faith in Jesus’ strength, not our own. We can rest sweetly because of Him.

Another way is through the renewing of our mind. Taking every thought captive that is negative about ourselves, recognizing it as something that doesn’t belong and isn’t from Jesus, and resisting, praying that Jesus would release us from the grip of the enemy and keep him far, far away. And, injecting some praise and worship music into that process, rejoicing in the Lord and repeating some declaration lyrics doesn’t hurt either!

And while there are many other ways to love ourselves, the last one I’ll share is to take time to care for the body. Body and mind work together and both need intention to keep aligned with love. Vagal toning exercises to calm the vagus nerve, core strengthening exercises, and strength training have made the biggest impact for me. Strong bodies are needed to support a strong mind, and vice versa. Every time we invest in our bodies, we are also investing in a solid defense mentally against negativity, and lies or doubts about ourselves.

Thanks for reading my first little post in two years (!), and let me know in the comments what has helped you in your own self love journey, let’s support each other as we love ourselves to love others as Jesus loves us.

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3 Ways to Walk in Humility

This past weekend, I took a silent retreat on a beautiful little property where life was thriving. The bugs, beetles, flowers, and animals were all singing their songs happily in the summer sun. I had never been there before, and going in, I thought I would use the time in silence to reflect and grieve and process life with the Lord. However, my environment had such an effect on me, that I couldn’t help but pay attention to it. I got caught up in the dance between butterflies, the ripples in the pond, the scent of an old pine tree, the coo of a dove. I couldn’t help but find joy in the moment and in being where I was among so much beauty, designed by our Creator. I felt free to wonder and be in awe in the present moment.

But a few days later, that feeling has worn off. I woke up feeling the same dread that I’ve woken up with on many days; dread of the sadness I’ve endured and sadness I’ve yet to endure. Dread of the pain and process of living. And while that’s a legitimate emotion that should be fully acknowledged and felt and processed, I want to challenge myself and anyone who can relate, with the truth that that feeling is based on an assumption of going through life without God’s presence. Of doing life on our own. But the truth is that God is with me just as much today as He was during my retreat, thus, the feeling is simply unfounded. Not worthless, not shameful, but normal and human. And also, the feeling is robbing me of the full joy of being, here and now. I challenge you and myself to choose to believe the truth that God’s presence is here and provides every reason for joyfulness, even on days when we wake up and don’t feel it’s true. What is true is that He has provided all we could ever need.  

Humility is depending on the Lord to provide. 

We all encounter this dilemma of choosing between humility and pride, both in the big and small decisions in life. I have discussed an aspect of this before in my post, Dealing with Pride. We all want our way, sometimes overtly and sometimes subconsciously, but beneath it all is the same sinister thing that keeps us from humbly submitting to the Lord and trusting His goodness and provision. This makes us feel distant, can turn into that feeling of dread or worse. This is something that we all deal with and learning to deal with it in healthy and life-giving ways can make all the difference in the very trajectory of our lives. We all are born with pride, it’s the human condition, so we all must learn to handle it when it does wash over or take hold of our perspective. So how do we handle pride in a healthy way that won’t distance our hearts from God further?   

1. Remember how God dealt with you kindly even in your worst moments.

An amazing story in the Bible of not only God’s kindness, but the kindness of people for each other is found in the book of Ruth. Kindness is the thread that runs throughout the short four chapters and it goes around the characters like a chain reaction. Kindness and humility go hand in hand. Boaz’s character reflects that of the Lord, who sees our humble loyalty to Him and rewards it with blessing. 

Later in the story, Ruth proposes marriage to Boaz, an extremely bold and humble thing to do, as it vulnerably demonstrates her dependence on him. Boaz dealt with her boldness kindly. It is out of a keen awareness and gratitude for God’s kindness that true humility can rise up in our hearts and help us to act in the love that Jesus calls us to. Even when we don’t act in great love as Ruth did here for her mother-in-law Naomi, we can all think of ways the Lord has dealt kindly with us. As Romans 2:4 says, it is God’s kindness that leads us to repentance. Fully owning our worst moments and repenting of our pride is the first step in humility.  

2. Decide, once and for all, to pursue genuine change of heart with Jesus.

At some point in our lives, we have to make the choice in faith that God’s way truly is best for us. We all have that decision to make for ourselves, whether His will for the long term is better than getting our way in the short term. There comes a point when we must stop excusing our pride away. At some point we need to acknowledge that anytime and every time that temptation arises, it is never justified to act upon it and follow it if we have committed our lives to following Jesus. We need to recognize it for what it really is, idolatry of the self. By letting our own will rule our perspective, we are placing ourselves in a place only God is righteous, just, and loving enough to fill.

When we are able to own up to our sinful nature, not just a single event or instance, but our heart condition of sin, only then can we fully allow Jesus through the door of our hearts to begin to heal what pride has twisted up in us. When we rely on Jesus with our entire self, we are no longer powerless against pride. We are instead empowered by the Spirit of the Living God to walk in love and humility, even becoming able to truly love our enemies because of God’s love for us while we were still His enemies. This ability is the beautiful and mysterious truth about authentic followers of Jesus. But it doesn’t come easily, and it doesn’t happen immediately. It takes a very close, intimate relationship with Jesus, spending time learning from Him and knowing His love ourselves, not through anyone else’s opinion or experience. It may be helpful to remember that even the demons “knew” Jesus, but they did not believe with a personal trust in Him, which is the kind of knowledge we’re talking about. Knowing Him and His character takes time, just as any relationship does, but it starts with faith that this long journey of learning and seeking to understand the love of Jesus is worth it. 

3. Remember Jesus is King and you are not. 

The more we learn about Jesus, the more beautiful, healing, and powerful we understand Jesus to be, it’s important to remain aware that we will come to identify ourselves with Him, because He identifies so closely and intimately with us. However, we must understand that there is potential in that process for pride to sneak in. Yes, we can identify with Jesus, we model our love and humility after Him. But we must remember who we are, under the authority and ownership of the King, Jesus Christ. Though He can and does work through us, we are not the judge, ever. At best, we may hope to be called His servants, a title of the highest honor for any mortal. As His, we are abundantly provided for, perfectly protected, and infinitely loved. In His care, there is no more need to look for satisfaction in the things that tempt us, because we know where true satisfaction is found, and we have found Him. 

Where is our heart’s condition and motives? This is what Jesus looks at; He fully knows the true condition of our hearts. Come into His presence today. Allowing ourselves to be driven by pride is damaging to us in the long term, but He knows what it’s done to our hearts, and He seeks to fully heal and restore each and every one to wholeness as His beloved ones.

It is only in His presence that our heart is fully at home.  

While only Jesus heals, there is responsibility on our part for our own heart’s condition. It is always God’s will to heal us of our pride and gently, patiently teach us the humility of Jesus, but He always takes our choices into account. Friends, I invite you to choose to know His presence with you in a fresh and deeply healing way. I invite you to the perspective that there is always reason to rejoice because of His presence and salvation. I invite you to stand in awe and wonder in the present Presence of the Lord, because there we are home.

Further Reading: The Prodigal God by Timothy Keller

“…I rejoice in your salvation.” (1 Samuel 2:1, ESV). 

“But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.’” (1 Samuel 16:7, ESV).  

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace. 

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The Intimate Love of God

Half of 2021 has been harder for me personally than the whole of 2020 was. While I love writing and sharing with you on this blog, sharing has seemed next to impossible at times, even to those closest to me. I’m grateful you are here after all this time away. In the past 14 months, I’ve found amazing solace outdoors, taking in the beauty to be experienced on nature walks. Nature somehow has a way of putting me back in the present moment, and it (usually) helps to drown out the noise in my mind.

I remember one day on one of my walks this spring, a particular daffodil caught my eye. It was not yellow; no yellow at all, just all-white petals. I stopped to look closer. The daffodils all around it were either all yellow, or had white petals surrounding an egg yolk-yellow center. Even the inner trumpet was a pure white. Now, maybe this is completely ordinary to you and you’ve seen many a white daffodil, but it struck me as particularly beautiful. I just stood and stared for a while, in awe of what I’d found. It felt special to behold, like seeing a four-leaf clover, or a black squirrel. It felt meaningful somehow, and I was grateful to be there (and present) for it.  

I don’t often mind walking alone, but a couple moments later, I felt a pang of loneliness, wishing I could share the beauty I had found. Feebly, honestly feeling a bit silly, I asked Jesus as I walked toward home, “Did you see that?” Immediately, He was there. This unexplainable knowing of His presence came over me, one I’ve had rarely. Somehow, I knew all at once that Jesus had been and was present with me, I knew He’d heard me, and I just knew the answer was yes, He’s seen it too. “More than that, I see you seeing it,” He seemed to say in my heart. And just like that, I had shared in the wonder I’d found, my longing fulfilled. 

When we draw near in faith, Jesus is quick to fulfill our longings with His love.

Being loved by God and loving Him is so foundational to faith because it allows us to stop trying to fulfill our longings with anything but Him. Faithfully trusting His love, we grow in our own ability to show true love, even when we don’t want to (there are plenty of times when this is the case!). Within God’s love, we are set apart as Holy with Christ, aware of and operating from a place that draws from the well of His deep, complete love, completely different from the partial elements of love we may seek after in the world. I’d like to share a few beautiful passages that illustrate God’s incredible love for us. 

A question God asked was about, arguably, the most damaging decision of all time. Not an obvious choice to show God’s love, but perhaps that is why I find it so remarkable. In Genesis 3:13, God asks Eve, “What is this you have done?,” when He knew she ate the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil. But, did you know that this question isn’t only asked of Eve? 

Many years later, after establishing the nation of Israel through Moses and Joshua, God also asks the same question of the wayward Israelites (Judges 2:2). God used the faithfulness of Moses and Joshua to set the stage for the next best version of Eden possible. Eden, after all, represents God’s set of ideal circumstances for humans to thrive in. However, the Israelites could not keep God’s commands or stay faithful to the Lord.  

When God asks “What is this you have done,” again, hundreds of years later after He had freed His people from slavery in Egypt, built up their character through trial, and established everlasting covenants with them, I read this question with a tone of heartache, not just anger. With bitten-back tears, not only wrath. God wants the best for them, but He does not make decisions for people, or have faith for people–He opens Himself to the vulnerability of true relationship with humanity, and asks what we’ve done, perhaps not for His benefit but for ours. His love is apparent for Israel; even in their whoring against Him (Judges 2:17), this heart-wrenching question may be read from the heart of a Teacher, guiding the people to search their own hearts and ask it of themselves.

God heartbreakingly models what it looks like to love even when we don’t want to.

Hosea chapter 11 is quickly shooting to the top of my list of favorite Scriptures. In it is, to me, one of the most beautiful love letters in the Bible, straight from YHWH Himself to His beloved people Israel, here referred to as Ephraim, who was one of Joseph’s sons. I love to read this chapter as a love letter from our Father directly to us.

“When Israel was a child, I loved him, and out of Egypt I called my son. The more they were called, the more they went away; they kept sacrificing to the Baals and burning offerings to idols. Yet it was I who taught Ephraim to walk; I took them up by their arms, but they did not know I healed them. I led them with cords of kindness, with the bands of love…” (Hosea 11:1-4a). 

God’s love for Israel is given imagery, and reading on we see that His love never stopped, no matter what the people did. In Hosea, God continues, “How can I give you up, O Ephraim? How can I hand you over, O Israel? … My heart recoils within me; my compassion grows warm and tender. I will not execute my burning anger; I will not again destroy Ephraim; for I am God and not a man, the Holy One in your midst, and I will not come in wrath.” (Hosea 11:8-9). God’s compassion for us is so clear in this passage. Despite His “burning anger,” which unchecked would destroy them, God’s compassion makes destroying His “child,” meaning His people, an impossible option due to His loving character.   

The force of God’s love is stronger than anything, and will never fail because He is God.

Other passages that directly express God’s deep, intimate, and devoted love for us include this one from the prophet Isaiah who writes, “Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. Behold I have engraved you on the palms of my hands . . .” (Isaiah 49:15-16a).

Again we read the comparison of parent and child when it comes to the compassion of God. But I love this passage because it may refer to the nails driven through Jesus’ hands when He was crucified on the cross. Regardless, we are remembered by God on the very body of Jesus, by the scars from the nails that after His resurrection still engrave His hands (John 20:27), even as He is seated at God’s right hand. That is how intimately God loves us.  

Remembering relationship with God is a recurring theme throughout in the Bible. Jesus can never forget us as this passage from Isaiah states, for we are engraved, if not on his body then on His heart. In turn, God implores His people not to forget what He has done for them, who He is, and who they are because of Him. He asks the same of us, to remember the ways in which He has been and continues to be faithful to each one of us. 

Remembering Whose we are is a vital part of living in relationship with God.

“Is Ephraim my dear son? Is he my darling child? For as often as I speak against him, I do remember him still. Therefore my heart yearns for him; I will surely have mercy on him, declares the Lord” (Jeremiah 31:20). Because we read that God’s heart actually yearns for His people, even when they constantly are unfaithful, committing idolatry against Him generation after generation, I invite you to ponder for a moment the weight of the fact that David was referred to as “a man after my own heart” (Acts 13:22). Of calling Jesus, David’s descendant, His Son, “with you I am well pleased” (Mark 1:11), God shows us that personal devotion to our relationship means everything to Him. Yet, we must remember because we are so prone to fall in line with the Israelites’ way, living in a state of pride and attempting autonomy on our own strength apart from our fiercely loving Father.

In Christ, we no longer have to be afraid of the closeness of God’s love. I admit, Jesus’ presence can be difficult. For me it sometimes seems too good, and too close. But intimacy with God is something that we were made for before sin entered in. What does the enemy know of intimacy? It is innately human to feel the the pull of intimacy we were all born with. May we allow it to drive us to, like David, seek after God’s own heart for ourselves.   

Intimacy with God is more innate to us than our sinful nature.

After I found the white daffodil, that same night I was talking to Jesus about the beauty of the experience, and I felt His almost-too-good presence near again. He spoke to my heart, “Yes, it was beautiful. I saw you seeing it. That’s the way I see you, you know. The way you stopped to see the beauty of that white daffodil is the way I look at you. You’re so beautiful, I stop and point at you and say to my Father and the Holy Spirit, ‘Look! Isn’t she beautiful?’”  

Well, I just about lost it. Maybe you can imagine what hearing that meant to me in a season of isolation, and the intense intimacy of that. It was deeply personal and unique, and yet this is Jesus’ heart towards everyone, even with a “silly” faith the size of a mustard seed that feebly reaches out to Him, He is there for us. Please hear my heart and know that I am not sharing this to brag by any means, but to express the intimacy with which He loves and knows you just as well, and certainly immeasurably more. We are seen, known, appreciated, and loved deeply by Jesus whether we have a relationship with Him or not, and when we reach out to connect with Him, there is truly nothing better. He fulfills our need for love both in the ways we can understand, and far, far beyond them as well. For me that day, it was through a flower. For you, I hope you remember today that He loves you with an unending love, and experiencing that is only ever a reach of your heart in faith away. 

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of Life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. …” (Romans 8:1-3a).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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