My Elimination Diet Story

This week marks one year of changing everything about the way I eat by adopting a strict elimination diet.

Thirteen months ago, I was in tears at my parents’ kitchen table. I was talking to my family about the overwhelming task of drastically and permanently changing my diet, and by extension the way I go about life. But hold on, you might be thinking, what does an elimination diet have to do with life with the King?

It called upon me to step out of passivity and step into what was right for my body, a temple of the Holy Spirit (Romans 5:5; 2 Timothy 1:14), not just sometimes but at every single meal. It called upon me to develop a spirit of discipline and perseverance. It called upon me to practice self-control. It called me to trust God in a deeper way. Ultimately, I want to share my story because it revealed things I needed to let God heal in me, and if I can do it, you can too.

What I Gave Up

I was at a point where I felt stuck in a grab-and-go and restaurant-heavy diet. It worked with my busy lifestyle at the time, eating out on my way here or on the way back from there. The more I gave in to unhealthy diet choices, the more I was tempted by the constant food marketing we all see advertised. Not to mention giving all those foods up would surely ruin my social life; so much of it revolved around eating together with friends. Some of my favorite memories with them involve elaborate potlucks, and going to restaurants for birthdays or other celebrations. We even made a run of trying to sample all the world cuisines; many of us just love food.

Eliminating the ingredients found in virtually everything? I was very concerned about sounding snobbish, rude, or judgmental if I refused the foods all my friends were eating. Not only that, but how else would we spend time together? (Yes, this was pre-COVID-19).

While diet was my only ticket out of a prescription I had been taking for years, I was also terrified to stop taking it. To give up my prescription was what I wanted, but it actually meant that I would be facing the scariest withdrawal side effect, depression, head-on. It had hit me with a vengeance less than two weeks after I stopped the prescription once before, around three years prior. Depression messes with my concept of identity, not to mention life itself. Believing the lies depression tells is what scares me perhaps more than anything else. That fear of depression had kept me passively accepting my health situation to that point.

I also just doubted my own resolve. I felt unprepared to give up my restaurant fixes and my social life, like all I had to fight it with was my weak and admittedly underdeveloped self-discipline.

But my feelings were wrong; the truth was I had God on my side too.

Little did I know then that He would work so much more in this food journey than I ever imagined. I also had people in my family who encouraged and believed in me to see it through. They prayed for me and believed I could stay on course even though I didn’t. That kitchen table conversation? I left that night with renewed hope and resolve.

Perseverance and Discipline

The initial motivator that made me push past all these hangups and attempt to discipline myself? The desire to stop taking the prescription I was on (an elimination diet plan would prepare my body for weaning off). Diet was the only option I knew of for doing that. Also, that same prescription was starting to cause ever-more-severe side effects that I had grown weary of tolerating.

To clarify, I am NOT anti-medication. Medication can and does help people in many cases and there is absolutely a place for them. However, when the costs outweigh the benefits, I believe we need to look for safe alternatives; so that is what I did.

After six years on my prescription, I had developed severe gastrointestinal (GI) side effects, or “leaky gut.” This is a known side effect. Sadly, my doctor dismissed it as something that can’t be tested or measured, despite my acute and nearly constant pain.

Changing your lifestyle sounds like such a cliche until you actually try it. It’s hard work, and it takes planning and a willingness to disappoint other people if and when necessary. It takes removing temptations entirely from your environment. It also takes a really, really important reason.

Sure, I wanted to feel better and get out of pain, but mostly I wanted to gain back my freedom from this prescription I no longer felt was helping me. I did not want to be that dependent on anything but God. And it was harming my body as well. Being strung along against my will just would not do any longer; it was clear to me then that it didn’t fit with what I believe. But soon I came to realize there were many other ways it didn’t fit me.

Self Control

To help prepare my prescription-dependent brain and body to wean off, I committed to clean foods. I committed to investing a bit more in my health and purchasing organic fruit and vegetables, grass-fed meat, and pasture raised eggs. I went gluten, grain, soy, dairy, corn, caffeine, alcohol, processed/added sugar, potato, and peanut free on September 3rd, 2019.

Miraculously, I stuck faithfully to this for the first six months (I followed a fantastic book’s plan which also included some supplements—with my doctor’s approval). This meant that suddenly, cooking became a much bigger part of life. In order to make it work for me and my personality as much as possible, I got rid of everything in my kitchen that had any ingredients I couldn’t eat and replaced them all with plan-friendly alternatives, like swapping soy sauce for coconut aminos, or white flour with almond flour. To help myself with self-control, I needed to minimize temptation.

I was going to make sure that I was welcome in my own kitchen, even if nowhere else.

I armed myself with plenty of versatile, fun recipes to try, like Thai chicken soup and spiced stir fry, so I never got bored within the ingredient limitations. I can count on one hand the times in those first six months that I ate anything I didn’t prepare myself—mostly times when I was out with friends. Most of those times I was eating within my ingredient restrictions, but none of those instances went particularly well. The cross-contamination was likely just too high. However my body was, thankfully, able to recover more quickly than before I started the elimination diet.

My previously constant GI symptoms mostly disappeared around the two-month mark of being on this plan, around early November 2019. Let me repeat that,

It took only two months of diligence in self control for my leaky gut symptoms to disappear.

That’s when I started feeling really good, relieved, energized, and motivated to keep going. I stuck to it through tempting holiday foods at Thanksgiving and Christmas with no unmanageable cravings.

For anyone who believes inflammation or GI symptoms can’t be helped from diet and supplements alone, from the foods and plants that God’s earth provides for us, I am living proof that they can.

After four months, I felt my body had gotten accustomed to the diet and was still feeling good. Finally, I was ready to stop taking my prescription in late December (again, with my doctor’s approval). I also started some more intense supplements to help repair intestinal damage and support my liver function even more. At that point, I’d done all I could do and prayed to God, asking Him to take care of the rest. I’d reached the first milestone—four months of eating for my health. Would it pay off? Could depression and other medication withdrawal side effects really be staved off?

I continued faithfully with the diet through January. By late February, I had no negative side effects of stopping my prescription. I was both shocked and delighted. I could begin the food reintroduction phase of the elimination diet.

First, I tried reintroducing gluten, then dairy, corn, rice, potatoes, and peanuts. Each time I felt mildly tired and lethargic. It wasn’t painful, but I knew how great it was to feel at my best, and surprisingly, even just the “mild,” pain-free cost was no longer worth it to me. I could try reintroduction of these things again after a few months; these costs can lessen over time. For now, I only eat these ingredients in small amounts and very occasionally.

I reintroduced oats with no negative symptoms, so I now eat them regularly. Because of the way my body reacts to them, I have not tried and have no plans to reintroduce soy, caffeine, alcohol, or added sugars—maybe ever.

I am still very much in the middle of my self-control journey, but I’ve learned a lot in just one year.

Before starting an elimination diet, I didn’t restrict myself at all as to what, how much, or when I eat. But all these factors affect our bodies, and in turn our minds and spirits as well. Proverbs 25:28 reads, “Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.” This past year’s elimination diet has been more than a diet, it has been a process of first realizing that my own internal “city” had some broken walls, and then putting the walls back together, piece by piece, day by day, meal by meal. Excess of anything without restriction, and ultimately gluttony, isn’t the Way of Jesus. In fact, it is in opposition to it.

In an elimination diet mindset, you have to die to your will, forget about what you want to eat or feel pressure to eat, and follow the plan, because it’s the best thing for you and your health. Sounds familiar, right? Similarly, I can’t just go and do or say whatever I want because I have chosen to yield to the authority of Jesus.

You can deny yourself and pick up your cross even when it comes to food choices.

Specifically, picking up my cross means loving God, loving others, and loving myself. Was eating whatever, whenever, even when it was harmful for my body, in line with my beliefs–in line with loving myself? For me, it was not. Treating my body in any way other than as the temple of the Holy Spirit that it is was not loving myself. It was suppressing who I am, mind, body, and spirit. My mind made excuses for it, my body tried in vain to compensate for it, and my spirit was dissatisfied by the whole thing. If I hadn’t suffered with the intolerable symptoms of leaky gut that tipped the scale for me to take action, I shudder at the thought that I might still be in that place.

I honestly was blind to the issues with eating whatever whenever before I actually started taking the actions of preparing and eating the right foods. Usually, our thoughts motivate our actions, but sometimes our actions help clarify our thoughts when it comes to the Truth–this was one of those profound times for me.

Restricting my diet helped me gain a sense of self-control that I didn’t have before, and it healed a part of my spirit and mind in the process!

I started out last August dreading a restrictive elimination diet, thinking I would fail and feel terrible about myself, but today, thanks be to God, the opposite is true. I feel happier with myself having acted on it and seeing it through faithfully. My friends didn’t abandon me, in fact, they fully supported me in my health journey; now looking back I wonder why I didn’t think that they would!

Sticking to something healthy for my body was an act of love for self, which I now see as an act of love for God. I wasn’t compromising my peace of mind or arteries anymore for a greasy, sweet takeout meal. I was doing what I set out to do for my health and well being, letting God take care of the rest. And that’s exactly where I’d ever want to be!

Trust God

I learned that God gave us an amazing array of foods that can interact with our bodies in some very healing and restorative ways.

This journey on an elimination diet helped me to learn that looking at food with this perspective can free us from wanting to make the unhealthy diet choices constantly being marketed to us via all forms of media. It also gave me a whole new layer of self agency—I was at a point with diet a year ago where I didn’t believe I could resist some of the food marketing (doughnut commercials, anyone?), and now that I’ve gone through it, I believe it is possible for anyone.

Eating differently and making food choices for my health led me to see food differently; I thought it was interesting to note that it didn’t happen the other way around–the perspective shift came by doing. In the day-to-day, I have learned that self control over my food choices is ultimately much more satisfying to my soul, and is much more in line with who I am and what I believe, than indulgence.

Now, I am still on this journey! I have had some recent, though much less severe, health issues show up that are still in need of full healing. I am fine-tuning, working with doctors and experimenting with natural supplements to support overall health and heal the root issue of symptoms instead of taking medications to mask them, as I had before. Natural, “God-made” ingredients are the way I want to go whenever possible. I would not have thought a natural remedy was even a legitimate option had I not gone through the food journey I went on this year or experienced the healing I did.

My elimination diet process showed me how deeply our bodies are connected to the health of our minds and spirits, and that our bodies are equally important for our overall health.

God provides what we need to heal, and change is possible no matter how intimidating, when it comes to being more of who God made you to be and living out your beliefs about Him.

I had to let go of some things in my life to live out what I believe and live out my trust in God. I now have a desire to continue taking action and walking in trust, to continuously act on trust that God provided me with a body that can adapt, heal, and thrive on the foods that He made, instead of the (in my case) harmful chemicals that man made.

When we pay attention to and love our bodies, and what information they are giving us about our health (they always do!), we love ourselves and fulfill His commandment to walk in love (Ephesians 5:2). By allowing God to heal us, and walking in that healing, we become a living testament of His goodness.

“Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God” (Ephesians 5:1-2).

“And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us” (Romans 5:5).

“...make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love” (2 Peter 1:5-7).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to the blog, and follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing about Life with the King. Grace and peace.

May 16, 2020May 16, 2020

The Family of God

There was a time when I didn’t understand what the family of God meant, or why it was important. I believed that you could follow God in isolation from other believers. But this was a pride-comes-before-the-fall kind of belief.

We were never created to live in isolation from our family, from other believers in Jesus. We need each others’ help on our life journey. While solitude with God is a beautiful thing, and some people can enjoy it for years at a time, living in Western culture and in a capitalist society, we need a network of people to keep us accountable, help us when we can’t sustain our own connection with God, and pray for us (Hebrews 10:25).

Finding a family of believers to belong to is difficult.

It takes some serious consideration, prayer, and discernment. And it often takes quite a long time. It can be a frustrating and discouraging process to find people we can trust to walk alongside us. But we mustn’t give up. God provides for His children. Also, do you find it as amazing as I do that we are called children of God, and called part of God’s family?

We are counted as offspring (Romans 9:8).

“He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God” (John 1:11-13).

When we are new to following Jesus, we don’t always know what to look for. We might be attracted to churches who do a lot of outreach projects, host a lot of events, or offer a lot of resources. But primarily, we must look for people who love God and obey His commandments (1 John 5:2). That also means we must be willing to be and do the same.

No one is perfect at this except Jesus Himself, so we must have grace for ourselves and others in this area. But our hearts must be oriented and surrendered to our love for God. Finding a family like that is worth the wait.

Is a Church Home Necessary?

We aren’t meant to carry our crosses in isolation. We are meant to be part of the family of God, the body of Christ, to strengthen, encourage, and inspire us as we all strive to obey God’s commands. Our family is a blessing from God, and something to respect.

Whether you attend church or not, it is important that we have a community to be in dialogue with about God, and what He’s speaking and teaching us. It is also important to support and be supported in order to grow in our walk. If you don’t have one already, I’d encourage you to start a Bible study with others who are just as interested in learning about God as you are. Make it a regular part of your life. Churches can offer and arrange these, but in some seasons of life, it may be more useful to start your own with people you know. Always pray and seek God’s direction with this, the same as everything in your walk.

Obedience

Jesus chose obedience to God’s will, which meant ultimately surrendering everything for His love of God and us. Obedience is not something to be taken lightly. Obedience brings blessing; it actually unlocks the promises of God in our lives, because in obedience we are actively demonstrating our love for God.

“What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him?” (James 2:14).

Obedience can be at its most difficult when we are experiencing some type of suffering. As the Israelites in Exodus 5, we can be subjected to more suffering than we ever expected, even when our intentions are good and in service to God. What if, in those times of suffering, God is actually showing patience towards us as He did with the Israelites? What if as in that story He is actually allowing us more time to learn to trust Him with a lasting trust?

No matter how troubling the circumstances, the identity God has given us as His children does not change. No matter how evil the days, deliverance both has come and is coming! Take heart, our times of suffering teach us and form our character to be able to withstand every doubt to the very end. That is, after all, what we really need.

Remember that God is a good Father who loves us enough to give us what we need! It is exactly in these times that our family of believers becomes vital; we can lean on our family to keep us headed in the right direction when our faith is tested or when our suffering becomes overwhelming.

What it Means to Take Up Our Cross

Some days, the only reason we will take up our cross is because we want to obey God. We probably won’t feel like obeying God on most days. But it is a command. Thankfully, taking up our cross means more than just endurance of suffering. It means taking an active role in bringing life itself.

“And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?” (Luke 9:23-25).

God commands us to first deny ourselves, then to take up our cross, and finally, to follow Him. It must go in that order. The first step of denying the self, or the ego, is where we often get tripped up. We must die to ourselves. Okay, well that sounds pretty serious, right? Here’s the thing:

We cannot let our ego have its way while also following Jesus.

Later on in Luke’s gospel, he records Jesus saying it another way which I’ve found helpful regarding the act of denying oneself: “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money” (Luke 16:13).

The motivation for our actions must be to either please God or chase money. In my reading, I also see “money” as power, status, and reputation. We cannot devote ourselves to both, according to Jesus.

“The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.” (Proverbs 29:25).

Chasing power, or fearing men more than God, comes at the expense of our very selves. It “masters” us. It becomes an idol. And it is something that the “ego self” wants all the time.

There is a reason why the first commandment addresses idolatry.

It is a pervasive, hidden in plain sight sin. This is why taking up our cross has to be a daily practice. We are called to resist the temptations of our ego every single day. Jesus is saying in Luke 9:23-25 that we need to let the part of ourselves that wants power for our own gain die and choose to fear God. These are two paths that will always oppose each other.

Again, it takes effort on our part every day; it’s not just a one-time decision. Taking up our cross is a daily act of obedience that God asks of us. We show love for Him by obeying His command to pick up our cross daily and follow.

As we humble ourselves daily, we can take great hope in remembering the words of Peter, that “at the proper time he may exalt you . . . because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:6-7).

Taking up our cross daily won’t happen unless we trust that God cares for us.

God’s care for us spurred Him to make a promise to us. He asks only that we trust that He fulfilled His promise in Jesus Christ. Taking up our cross is trusting God in action: loving God with all that we are, loving our neighbor as ourselves, following the Way of Jesus, and relying on His righteousness as our own. We have reason to rely and trust Him, but it also requires faith.

Our family of believers can serve as a wonderful reminder of God’s care and concern for us, and also help spur us on in faith. He often works through the compassionate care of our family members who can remind us of His love.

What’s in a name?

In the Biblical account, Moses is the first one who asks God what His personal name is. He was known as the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob by the Israelites, but Moses asked what he should tell Pharaoh God’s personal name was. Names were important because a name communicated something essential about the character of the god or person.

I think of the instances in the Bible when God gives people a new name: Abram (meaning exalted father) to Abraham (meaning father of a multitude), Jacob (meaning he takes by the heel or he cheats) to Israel (meaning he strives with God or God strives), Saul (Hebrew) to Paul (Roman). All of these names communicated a core part of each individual’s story in relation to God and their role in His greater story for humanity.

When asked for His name, God answered Moses:

I AM WHO I AM, in Hebrew, YHWH (Exodus 3:14).

This can also be translated as I WILL BE. In the context of God’s call to Moses to go to Pharaoh for His people, the name itself assures Moses and the Israelites that God will be with them. God’s presence with us is built into the name itself.

God IDENTIFIES Himself as related to us.

What an amazing thing! God truly is all about relationship with you and me, each and every soul He created. His presence with us is part of who He is; He identified this truth as His very essence in His name, YHWH!

Our family of believers can be a powerful reminder of this truth and many other truths that help us follow Jesus. If you struggle with family, know that it’s normal. You are not alone in feeling awkward about it sometimes, even when you’re happy with where you are. But remember that you are part of the family of God, it needs you just as much as you need it, and it is a great blessing in this life that is worth seeking out.

Paul wrote that believers are to “keep [our] eyes on those who live as we do” (Philippians 3:17). May we all gather as a family around the goodness and grace of YHWH, His promises, and the hope found in His name.

“By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and obey his commandments” (1 John 5:2).

“And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8).

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world” (James 1:27).

November 13, 2019December 4, 2019

Repentance

Turning back to God didn’t happen just once for the Israelites, and it certainly didn’t happen just once for me. In my own life, I’ve turned back to Him more times than I can count, sometimes multiple times in a day. However, one time in particular was the start of a big change in my life. Admitting we are wrong isn’t easy. Yet in a sense, it is exactly what repentance, and in fact Christianity, calls for.

When I discovered this, I didn’t like it at all. It made so much more sense to me that I was fine just the way I was. That sin wasn’t a big deal to be ashamed of but something we learn to cope with. That I wouldn’t really be held responsible for sin, especially the inherited kind that I had no control over. Following this logic, it was easy to lose ground with faith, and I slipped further and further away from the truth of what God’s Word actually says about sin. After losing my faith entirely, living my own way, and believing these “comfortable” things for several years, repentance from sin as the Bible describes it finally became real to me.

One of my favorite verses in Scripture now is Romans 2:4, “...God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance.” While I was fully convinced of the merits of not believing in sin or God, He reached into my life and showed kindness so undeniable that I couldn’t ignore it or explain it away. When I realized that it really was God’s kindness, not some happy accident or coincidence, it changed something in my heart.

On the path of losing my faith, my heart had gone through a number of phases toward God; I became skeptical, then callous, then arrogant, cold, and unloving. I had been awful to God if He truly was real. I had denied Him. Yet, even still, God showed me kindness. Despite how awful I was to Him, His kindness was the only thing that finally warmed my cold heart. Only a few months later I truly wanted to repent, to turn everything in my life around and trust God instead. It all started with His kindness. His kindness led me off the path of faithlessness and onto a new path of true repentance.

God’s kindness can reach beyond all intellectual and emotional barriers.

The call to repent really intensified shortly before Jesus’ three years of ministry when John the Baptist began preaching, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near” (Matthew 3:2). After John was put into prison, Jesus moved to Capernaum and “From that time on Jesus began to preach, ‘Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near’” (Matthew 4:17). These two major figures of the Bible both had the same core message! So, what is so important about repentance?

Repentance comes up quite a bit in Scripture. It is associated with baptism and life. In trying to Biblically define repentance, I found that it is to allow oneself to be corrected (Jeremiah 5:3, Revelation 2:21), to realize and turn from wickedness (Jeremiah 8:6), to turn from idols and renounce all detestable practices (Ezekiel 14:6), to turn away from all our offenses (Ezekiel 18:30), to (re)turn to God (1 Samuel 7:2b-3, Hosea 14:1, Acts 3:19, Acts 26:20), and to produce [spiritual] fruit (Matthew 3:8, Luke 3:8); it involves faith in God (Matthew 21:32, Mark 1:15, Acts 20:21), it is a command to all people everywhere (Acts 17:30), it involves Godly sorrow (2 Corinthians 7:9-10), it involves and is done in relation to sin (John 1:28, 2 Corinthians 12:21), it involves recognition of the truth (2 Timothy 2:25), it is something God wants for everyone (2 Peter 3:9), it is a sort of waking up (Revelation 3:3), and it can result from God’s love, discipline, rebuke (Revelation 3:19), and kindness (Romans 2:4).

God wants nothing more than for us all to repent. When we do, it unlocks our hearts to be open to receive His promises, His gifts of the Spirit, and His presence. He longs to be close to us. When I chose to keep Him away in my own life, I fell into the sin of idolatry, among others. God’s very first commandment to the Isrealites is to have no other gods before [Him] (Exodus 20:3). While I don’t recall having any golden statues in my house to worship, for me, idolatry came in the form of putting other things before God. The prophet Samuel spoke to the Isrealites about this;

“Then all the people of Israel turned back to the Lord. So Samuel said to all the Israelites, ‘If you are returning to the Lord with all your hearts, then rid yourselves of the foreign gods and the Ashtoreths and commit yourselves to the Lord and serve him only, and he will deliver you out of the hand of the Philistines’” (1 Samuel 7:2b-3).

This Old Testament passage speaks not only of repentance but idolatry, of putting other gods in place of the one true living God. He wants nothing to come between Him and any one of us. He wants our hearts to be committed to Him.

I had gotten lost in the prevalent explanations that society offers: we all make our own truth, there is no one absolute truth, all you need to do is be a good person, you don’t need to feel ashamed of anything about yourself, there are no eternal consequences for anything, and there is nothing after we die.

These lies became idols in my life.

I had adopted them and they became louder in my mind than God’s still, small voice. I was trying to live out this new philosophy of life where I had landed, but I was still miserable. I was even more miserable than I had been when I wasn’t sure of whether or not God was real. It was all too much and I just became numb. It was a dark, confusing, and exhausting time. If you know someone going through a time like this, please check out my post, “10 Ways to Help Someone Struggling with Faith.” Friends, it is so easy to latch onto lies the world tells us; they usually sound good and fair on the surface. However, we must test everything against the truth in the Word of God. It points us back to the truth about ourselves, and to Jesus, who is our hope.

God keeps His promises. He promised salvation, and He keeps that promise through Jesus and the baptism of the Holy Spirit.

Repentance leads to receiving God’s promise of deliverance from sin through Jesus Christ.

God reached out to me even when my mind and heart were closed to Him, when the misery became too much to bear. It was wonderful, amazing grace. This miracle still astounds me. I finally knew without a doubt that God is real, but I couldn’t go back to all the same beliefs I had about God before. Some of those beliefs still needed to be changed, because they weren’t all true. Even though I had repented, I still had to rethink everything all over again. All I knew was that He is real; I had to just start there. I had lied to myself for so long it was hard to know the truth, but I craved it. The fact that I knew He was real meant I couldn’t trust atheist or agnostic sources anymore. He led me right back to the Bible for answers, a Book that I hadn’t trusted in a long time. But I trusted that God was real, so I gave it another chance.

It was a process to understand sin, and how it had cut me off from relationship with God, and that I had gone my own way because of it. I had repented, but then later after seeking truth I finally understood. “‘After I strayed, I repented; after I came to understand, I beat my breast. I was ashamed and humiliated because I bore the disgrace of my youth’” (Jeremiah 31:19). We need both repentance and understanding to sustain us in our faith. I had to come to face the worst of it which was finally clear to me; I’d KNOWN God and STILL walked away from Him! Maybe some of you can relate to this story. Even still, all God asks is for us to trust Him enough to repent. Through repentance–turning from sin and relying on the salvation Jesus offers each one of us–He promises us restoration back to Himself.

I pray that you can learn from my mistake: you don’t have to walk away from God like I did for your faith to be renewed and strengthened! By seeking Him and the truth about Him, you can know He is real now, you can know He loves you now, you can know His intentions for you were always good. “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13). Yes, sin crept into humanity at the start and bad things happen. Being a good person isn’t enough to conquer sin and death; only Jesus can do that for us. With repentance comes restoration. “Therefore this is what the Lord says: ‘If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me; if you utter worthy, not worthless, words, you will be my spokesman. Let this people turn to you, but you must not turn to them’” (Jeremiah 15:19). There is always hope.

God longs to restore us to walk with Him as He originally intended in the Garden.

Yes, true repentance will cost everything in your life. To fully trust God and walk in repentance, we must let our own logic about what is right for us die and surrender our lives to His way, “Then [Jesus] said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23). The cost is great, but it’s well worth it. God’s way is better than anything we could dream up for ourselves. I’ve never met a single Christian who was sorry they made the choice to follow Jesus.

When repentance and understanding came, the nagging sense of meaninglessness and numbness in my life disappeared. I accepted the truth the Word offers about my own sin, that it is in fact a barrier to relationship with God. Jesus brought justice where I didn’t deserve justice. He loved me when I didn’t love Him. He made a way for me even after I closed the door of my heart to Him.

No one is too far from His love to be found by Him.

After I repented and accepted Jesus’ gift of life for me, I couldn’t just go on as I had been going. My life dramatically changed. I started attending church again. I made Christian friends and sought their counsel. I prayed as much as I could because prayer had been restored to me, right along with my life. I had a reason to live again, and to glorify Him in everything. I’m sure my family would tell you I cried less tears.

Change is evidence of true repentance.

I am still learning and definitely still do things that are wrong. I still need to repent of those things. However, everything changed when I repented of the way I was living and believing. At that moment, change really began. My faith in God is now growing all the time where before it was dead. God restored my ruined life and handed it back to me miraculously whole again.

Eternal life begins now when we repent, we don’t have to wait until after we die to begin living it! Jesus has truly restored all things, including a life where I can find joy despite the pain this life can bring. It all starts with repentance. May we all be quick to repent and turn to the Lord.

“‘This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: ‘In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength…” (Isaiah 30:15a)

September 25, 2019December 4, 2019

Ireland: Part II

I’m reminded every September of my trip to Ireland in 2012, so I thought I’d take some time this month to write about the experience. I’ve traveled a lot in my life, but that trip stands alone by far as the most restorative. As I wrote in Part I, “I had to rely on God to take care of me and keep me from harm” when I went to Ireland solo for two weeks. Just to clarify, this was not something I was very comfortable with, despite the God-nudge to go and the odd sense of peace I felt. In normal everyday life, I thought of myself as fairly independent and self-sufficient. Without really being aware of it, that attitude bled over into how it often was between me and God. But in Ireland, I didn’t know how things worked. I simply wasn’t familiar with the culture or how to navigate it. I wasn’t as able to blend in and take care of myself the way I could at home.

In Ireland, I had no choice but to rely on God’s protection.

Besides sudden sustained sunshine, meeting only the kindness of people, and finding an elusive electric converter as detailed in Part I, there were many other ways God showed up for me in Ireland. But first, I had to be open to seeing and hearing Him. And that can be really difficult sometimes.

I first became aware of how alone I was at dusk walking from my B&B in Tralee. I was trying to find the pub in town to have dinner. When I finally found it, the only people I remember seeing when I walked in the door were men. No children, no women. Just rowdy American white men. I was suddenly very aware of my surroundings and went on high alert. What if these guys are gross? Drunk? Violent? Pushy? Invasive? “Rescue me, Lord, from evildoers; protect me from the violent . . .” (Psalm 140:1).

There were maybe only 12 of them, but they seemed to take up the whole restaurant. I watched them ask for pictures with the pretty redheaded waitress, trying not to judge them too quickly. I just wanted to sit at the bar and eat dinner; I didn’t need disgust ruining my palette. I was starving and not about to let them stop me. I mustered all my confidence and marched up to the bar and sat down. Sure enough, they noticed me and asked a million questions, but generally were amazingly respectful (despite a comment or two I overheard about the waitress). Several of them said I was very brave for traveling alone in a tone of awe. One guy who I’d talked to for a while as I ate said that I reminded him of his daughter. That word gave me a lot of comfort. From that point on, I relaxed. I knew I’d be alright and that the guys wouldn’t give me reason to be afraid.

Both in Dingle and Galway I stayed in hostels, meaning I was given a key to a room crammed with bunkbeds and several strangers each night. Anyone with access to the room had access to my stuff–my plane ticket information to get home was probably the most valuable and I kept my passport on me at all times. But, nothing was ever touched. Among strangers, it was very clear;

God provides protection. “The Lord protects the unwary; when I was brought low, he saved me” (Psalm 116:6).

While in Tralee I visited the Rose Garden just a week after the annual rose festival. That’s where I met Jimmy who I call “the bike man,” a lovely old Irish gentleman who stopped his bike to greet me and strike up what became a long and very deep conversation. At one point, he said, “we always think about feeding the body, but we rarely take care to feed the soul.” In the green landscape with kind faces everywhere I went, my soul was certainly being fed. I was seeing God revealed on earth through beauty and kindness in the Irish community and it felt fresh every day. Jimmy asked me if I believed in heaven and when I said yes he asked me where it was. I don’t recall what I said exactly, but he smiled and said, “No, love. Heaven is here on earth.” Indeed, God is not somewhere “out there,” He’s right here. “The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress” (Psalm 46:7).

There was a rumor that the tours of the Ring of Kerry had stopped running for the season, but my bed & breakfast hostess Mary kindly searched for me and found an excellent one. On the bus I met an older man named Michael with his wife. Michael was my buddy both on and off the bus. He told me story after story about his life and his family in his Irish accent, laughing often. He also kindly attempted to use my camera and take a few photos of me (these were pre-selfie stick times!). He reminded me of what my own grandfather would do or say and with the same love in his eyes. I thought how silly it was to be afraid when traveling could be like this. I spotted a quote at the Killarney bus station after the tour written in graffiti that oddly seemed intended just for me, “Fear is the only darkness.” In His provision of Michael to be my kind companion on this day of the journey, God had dispelled all my fears.

God provides people to be with us on the journey. “Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another” (1 John 4:11).

On my bus into Dingle, I chatted with two American students sitting across the aisle from me. After I got off the bus, I didn’t know my way so I stopped to look at my map. A dark-haired boy I’d seen on my bus asked if I needed directions and gave exact details as to how to find my hostel. He said he’d overheard me talking about Galway and suggested I go, saying I’d have the “time of my life” there. Then he left. I followed his directions and got to my hostel much more quickly than I would have otherwise–how long would it have taken me to realize I had to walk through a grocery store to get to the street I needed to find? That was a first for me, so probably all day. The dark-haired boy’s guidance and kindness was so vital to my first day in Dingle, even then I recognized it as a way God was looking out for me. And even more so after actually having the time of my life in Galway!

When I got to my last day in Dingle, I hadn’t explored much beyond the town and wanted to see more of the peninsula. I waited hours for a tour only to find out it was canceled because there was a 3-person minimum. I was the only one there. The tour guide, a big, blue-eyed man named John, saw the disappointment on my face there in the Dingle visitor center and had pity on me. He agreed to take me on a short private tour. We got to talking, and I ended up receiving a full tour, with a very special stop that I am still so grateful for, to the most beautiful beach in Ireland, Com Dhineol. It was magical, otherworldly. I must’ve had the most elated expression when I returned to the tour van because John told me that he’d said to himself, “She thinks she’s in heaven.” I quickly replied, “I am!” After many stops at cliff overlooks and beaches and ancient ruins, at the end of the tour the last thing I said to John was, “Thanks for showing me heaven!” He beamed back at me.

The day I arrived in Galway, I was placed in a hostel room with two teenage girls. They invited me along with them to a club and though I was sleep deprived, at the time I didn’t want to pass up the opportunity. I enjoyed adventuring with them, however, the soul-level peace I had experienced up to that point took a hit. I was suddenly in a fast paced, loud environment and saw things I’d rather not have seen. Thankfully, the next day, I took a tour of Connemara and spent most of the day at Kylemore Abbey, one of the most peaceful places I’ve been. The tour bus driver was extremely nice to me, and let me sit up front, in “the Queen’s Seat.” That tour, like John’s tour, was exactly what my soul craved–space, quiet, and time to enjoy life and the beauty of God’s creation. The day at the Abbey was one of my most joyful, ever. Without delay, God again provided another opportunity for the inner rest and restoration.

God provides what we need. “But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one” (2 Thessalonians 3:3).

I fell asleep on the bus from Galway to Limerick, the very last leg of my journey in Ireland before heading to the airport. I cannot recall ever falling asleep in public when alone before, or since, for that matter. After two weeks of seeing God work over and over to protect me, I was finally able to accept God’s gift of rest, and trust that He was protecting me even while I slept. But still, it took the two-week journey through Ireland to get there. It takes a journey for many of us to experience and recognize God’s protection. Trusting God is simple but it’s not easy. But, it’s worth every bit of the journey. Press on friends! I encourage you to find His faithfulness out for yourself.

In Part I, I wrote, “There is something about travel that heightens awareness, that allows us to tap into something that we have numbed ourselves to in our everyday surroundings.” I pray that we might be and remain aware and alert enough each day to notice and appreciate the countless ways God provides for us.

“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me” (Revelation 3:20).