shame Archives : Life with the King

My first blog of 2025 was back in early June, when I wrote about driving. In Jesus’ Kingdom vs my kingdom, right at the beginning of this beautiful Maryland summer, I rejoiced in the ability to drive again, in being healed. And while that is still true, I want to confess to you that my anxiety symptoms still do flare up from time to time. In the last month I’ve struggled with them. I wanted to be honest with you to say that if you also struggle sometimes, that doesn’t mean God hasn’t healed you.

I have been starting to see the gift in the struggle. Instead of seeing flare ups as set backs, I’ve started to see them as opportunities for simply surrendering the struggle to God once again, whether it be for the 5th or 500th time of the day. Yesterday, while driving one of the most challenging routes I’ve attempted, I experienced something different in the struggle–joy.

When I felt that difference, the verse “…the joy of the Lord is your strength” (Nehemiah 8:10) popped into my mind. I experienced, for the first time in my memory, the pure joy and strength that comes from leaning into relationship with God in the midst of a moment of fear. I saw in that moment that leaning on His strength made my connection with Him stronger too in that moment, and I could experience His presence. Feeling anxiety wasn’t making me less worthy of Him or proving that I wasn’t healed, but instead it was teaching me how to connect to Him and trust Him more deeply.

God is calling us all into deeper relationship with Him. He can use anything to call us, perhaps especially the things we struggle with the most. For me, I just needed to see the fear as another way I could experience an expression of His love, instead of seeing it as some form of punishment.

In the context of Nehemiah 8, and in Psalm 20, God shows Himself to be strong for those of His people who find joy in Him. Psalm 20:5-6 says, “May we shout for joy over your salvation, and in the name of our God set up our banners! May the Lord fulfill all your petitions! Now I know that the Lord saves his anointed; he will answer him from his holy heaven with the saving might of his right hand.” I think a big mistake we tend to make is to think we are strong enough. If we just try hard enough, we think we can save ourselves. But we can’t, and we’re not supposed to.

We’re designed to lean on and trust God as we encounter struggle. We’re not supposed to chalk it up as shameful until we feel better about ourselves and try to face a challenge again. I pray this cycle that I was in doesn’t continue, and that you, friends, steer clear of it. Seeing it as the trap it is, and experiencing joy and strength from Him was all I needed to get through the anxiety I felt.

In that moment of experiencing joy, suddenly, the anxiety dissipated, and driving was no big deal again. Seeing the truth of God’s design for close relationship with Him makes the discomfort less mysterious. Our struggles are not the end, even though they may feel that way in the moment. We can taste and see that the Lord is good (Psalm 34:8), and He won’t leave us to struggle alone. His desire is to heal us, and we are healed in His Presence. He’ll never stop wanting that for us, or inviting us to relate to Him more. May He use both the struggle and the joy in our lives for His glory. Amen.

“As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today” (Genesis 50:20).

“You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows” (Psalm 23:5).

“Sing aloud to God our strength; shout for joy to the God of Jacob!” (Psalm 81:1)

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

Today I have no prepared insights to write about, no theme on my mind, no Scripture to anchor my anecdotes. As usual, my demons haunt me with thoughts about not being worthy to write at all, not being a voice worth sharing, and all the other such lies I used as excuses to stop trying. But today I’m choosing to write anyway, stare my demons in the face and defy them. Resist!

So, how are we doing? I like to take a look back at the end of summer as the new year is soon to come; I’ve begun to measure years starting with the beginning of autumn, in keeping with the Jewish calendar. What I see now is that I took some steps forward at the start of the summer, and have since taken a step back. Thankfully, Jesus is still King.

Today, in light of feeling set back, I feel like all I have to offer to God is willingness. I’m willing to obey Him and willing to do what He asks, but as Scripture says, the flesh is weak (Matthew 26:41). I don’t feel the same confidence I had at the start of this summer to take action, to enact change, or to get things done. But I can look back now and see that God has been and still is using it all. He uses our ups and downs, the days when we fall apart and the days when we are steady, the emotions we feel and the people around us, all to draw us closer to Himself. Today the Holy Spirit encourages us to turn to Him and to teach us to follow Him, just like Jesus, when He walked the earth, taught His disciples to follow Him.

For me, this year has been another season of learning more deeply that emotions don’t equal Truth, and that how I feel isn’t often aligned with Truth. This is one of the things that made me decide to start this blog in the first place, to better discern what is actually True versus what felt True at the time. As a person who is naturally wired to use emotions as intel, this is a hard lesson I’ve been tempted to forget over and over. But God has been mercifully patient with me and simply has taught it to me again this year.

These lessons we keep learning, these are clues for us. We can recognize them and bring them to God in earnest. All I can bring today to the foot of God is willingness to walk in the lesson learned; but walking in the completed transformation is something different. Some days, like today, all I can do is to be willing. God can always do something with our willingness, when we give Him room in our hearts to work. There are things I cannot overcome without God’s help–everything, in fact! That is something I’ve learned the hard way.

As this year winds down, may we all be willing to bring our shortcomings before God and earnestly ask Him to overcome where we cannot. Amen.

“Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matthew 26:41).

“So I exhort the elders among you, as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed: shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock” (1 Peter 5:1-3).

Tag: shame

The Joy of the Lord is Your Strength

Nothing but Willingness