Tag: repent

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The Fear of Death

Death is the last topic I thought I’d be writing about to kick off my blog’s second year. Yet, here we are; the highest highs always seem to bring to my mind the lowest lows right along with them. And perhaps that’s just as it should be. 

I’ve been taking morning walks lately, and one morning this week I walked to a park I haven’t been to for years, just outside of a well-manicured neighborhood. The park is all woodland, with a creek running through it. Once inside under the completely shaded canopy, I saw that the park itself seemed a completely different world from the sunny neighborhood just beyond. Instead of neatly trimmed grass, there was a mess of moss and fungi blanketing rotting logs. Instead of bushes full of blooms, there were downed trees with their roots exposed, brutally ripped up from the earth beneath. Instead of small blue jays or cardinals hopping about, there were two large, hulking black vultures, still and silent, perched in a pile of fallen leaves above the creek. 

These starkly different scenes just yards from each other perfectly illustrate how death and reminders of it are consciously kept out of sight and ignored as much as possible. 

Death is uncomfortable to think about.

Given how prevalent and obvious death is in this world, I’m interested in why this remains so. I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I do know that we all have an innate sense of the fragility of our lives and our loved ones’ lives. 

Even so, we have to keep surviving, right? No time to think about death when we’re trying to survive. However, there comes a point at which facing death becomes absolutely key to fully embracing our humanity.    

According to the Bible, humans gave up the option to ignore the knowledge of good and evil long ago (Genesis 3:6); we simply don’t have the luxury anymore of being unconscious of it. In a podcast interview, psychologist Jordan Peterson posed the idea that perhaps the remedy now is to be fully or “all the way” conscious of good and evil, since we can’t go back to being “unconscious.” I like this idea, but whether it’s correct or not I think it holds true with the Good News of Christ.

Along with the knowledge of good and evil comes a responsibility to face the good and evil in us.

To face the evil in us could also be described as becoming conscious of our own sin. This is exactly what we must understand before we can sincerely repent; C.S. Lewis talks about this in Mere Christianity. We realize the extent of our sin (evil) and the extent to which we need God’s grace (good) to free us from death’s grip. 

For repentance to come, we need to do something God didn’t design us to do–to stare death in the face. It is when we really see that the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23)–and that death forces us into something we were not created for–that we can understand all that we’ve been saved from by Jesus and how truly amazing His grace really is. 

Turning from our willful ignorance of death to follow Jesus, the Master of death, means we will stop avoiding it and trust that He’s bigger than death itself, as well as every one of our fears.

If we knew the Master of death better, we wouldn’t be so afraid of our own death. 

Jesus came to master death and set us free. To use the woodland analogy, Jesus came to lay His life down, like a fallen tree in the forest, that we might live like a newly sprouted seed from the soil He provided by His act of love. 

Yet, death is still worthy of being sad about, something to deeply mourn and to grieve. Separation from loved ones, though temporary for believers in Jesus, is still deeply painful and still very much a loss. I want to be very clear that it is okay to grieve, mourn, and be sad when it comes to death, no matter who it is, whether or not they were believers. Grief is not something to be brushed aside or ignored.  

When my Jewish grandfather passed away years ago, I was able to experience a community that faced death together in a beautiful way. The love and support of my grandmother’s friends and family was hugely beneficial, even for me in my own grieving process, as they came to simply be present and literally “sit” with her. Shiva following a Jewish burial typically lasts for seven days, providing not only community support but food for the grieving first-degree relatives. 

There is great value in appreciating the seriousness and weight of death and taking time to acknowledge what our hearts are feeling. 

While our culture has lost the skill of being open about death and understanding of grief, we don’t have to when we stay close to Jesus and understand the truth He brings–that death is not the end. Jesus Himself spoke openly about death. He was not afraid to do so, predicting his own death several times. People who had experienced death also came to him in a state of grief. He didn’t turn them away but even grieved with them (John 11:35). He even chose to raise the sick girl (Matthew 9:25), and His friend Lazarus (John 11:44) back to life. 

While I don’t think it is healthy for death to be excessively avoided as a topic of conversation, I also want to make a point to say that an excessive focus on death is not the answer to any problems either. It is only by understanding how God intended life that we can understand death and see it for what it is, no more, and no less. Romanticization of death glorifies the wrong god. 

Life is a gift from God. 

Examining our feelings about death along with the truth of the Bible can give us a deeper appreciation of life and its meaning. Reading Genesis, we find that death as we know it was never meant to be. We were not built for it! We were created to walk with God and eat from the Tree of Life. Death was not in the original plan. 

It is no wonder that it can be so devastating to us psychologically, physically, and spiritually! Knowing this, it is completely natural to avoid death, and it makes perfect sense that we would brush traces of death aside because innately we know what we were intended for.  

Facing death is so hard because God never intended for us to experience it in the first place. 

Death may never stop being hard to face, but it need not take us by surprise, as it so often does. With Jesus’ wisdom and grace, we can explore our knowledge of good and evil. 

We can let Him help us through to the other side of fear as we examine what He says about life and death. We can begin to safely open ourselves up to facing the realities of death when we trust Jesus and His love for us, for there is no fear in love (1 John 4:18). 

Christ and His love sets us free.

The bigger the debt of sin we have been forgiven from, the more we will love Jesus for canceling it. The story in Luke 7 gets me every time, when Jesus forgave the sinful woman with the alabaster jar of perfume. 

Her display of gratitude for forgiveness led Jesus to tell those in His company, “...Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little” (Luke 7:47). When we are conscious and aware of our sins, fully acknowledging our need like this woman, gratitude for our canceled debt leads us to a life full of love and peace. 

As I was headed back from that morning walk in the decaying woodland park, walking once again past neatly spaced out trees and colorful blossoms, these words came to my heart, “All that was lost will be restored to you.” 

That is what God does; He restores what is lost, damaged, sick, even dead, in and for us. 

The very first book of the Bible that was written was Job, which speaks to and confirms this simply, “If you return to the Almighty, you will be restored . . .” (Job 22:23).

The last book of the Bible speaks of the restored life that God will bring to His people: “[His servants] will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads” (Revelation 22:4). How amazing that the story (which is not ours but God’s) that is unfolding will end in God calling us, servants created to glorify and enjoy Him, by His own name. 

Think of the intimacy of giving someone else your name, or of taking someone else’s. That is the intimacy God intends for us to have with Him. What vulnerability and trust to be called by His name! Death is not the end, but rather this beautiful picture of restored, everlasting life in the family of God.

“For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his” (Romans 6:5). 

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to the blog, it helps me continue writing about Life with the King. Grace and peace.  

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Dealing with Pride

“what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do” (Romans 7:15). Recently I found myself in a situation where I chose to sin. Of course, this was just one of the many times this has happened. Willfully sinning is really confusing, and more people need to talk about this; it messes with any feelings of pride in myself.    

When I don’t feel right with myself, it’s difficult to keep hold of what’s true. My mind starts to crowd with these lies of how God is disappointed in me, is distant from me, and wants nothing to do with me anymore. How maybe my identity in Him was all just something I made up in my mind. This is really not okay. 

In the midst of this pride-shattering moment, it became quite impossible for me to imagine that He could love me in spite of sin, and yet He does. In fact, He does just the same as if I had never sinned even once. Amazing grace, indeed. So amazing, in fact, that it can be difficult to accept at all.  

Pride

I, like pretty much everybody, sinned against God simply because I wanted to do what I wanted to do. The sin of pride is and can be a wake-up call to look at and watch more carefully what goes on in our hearts and souls. My conscience was firing, my soul needed to get right with God again, and I had to confess my sin. I needed to repent all over again. After wrestling with the fact that I had followed sin instead of God, I realized that I was getting too comfortable. In my pride, my thought was actually that I was close to being past willful sin; but the Bible says that “no one may boast before Him” (1 Corinthians 1:29). 

Even after I repented, I felt it wasn’t enough. I was still upset with myself. God had forgiven me, but I hadn’t been able to forgive myself. Friends, that is pride in a sneaky form. Instead of fully accepting God’s love and forgiveness, I was trying to shoulder the burden of sin myself. In withholding forgiveness for ourselves like I did, we actually think there’s something more we can do to make up for it. In not surrendering fully to God’s forgiveness, we try to take this sin of ours into our own hands. This is pride. 

This is a complicated subject, so don’t mistake my meaning; what we do in our lives–does matter. Sin matters. One of the fruits of the Spirit is love. Jesus said, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35). We are certainly meant to live in a way that follows the Way of Jesus, who was sinless. In James, actions are called “works”: “You see that a person is justified by works and not by faith alone” (James 2:24). Faith comes first, for actions flow from faith–the fruit of our lives, but what we do and what we choose, matters. However, nothing we do can make up for our sin.    

Sin 

Jesus paid it all for us. It is prideful to try to make up for it in any other way besides how He calls us to–to leave our life of sin. 

Willful sins torture the conscience of those committed to the Way of Jesus. They still can creep up on us, as we are still here on the fallen earth. We still are made of dust. We have one foot here and one readied for the age to come. We have been set free from sin by Jesus, but at any moment we can choose to step outside God’s will to do our own will and sin against Him. 

Sometimes the only way to know what sin is, is because of what the Bible says. My own thoughts and feelings change constantly. My moral compass was shattered at the Fall. It’s hard to know the Truth about many things, and it can appear as though every person has their own version of truth. But actually this cultural catchphrase “live your truth” or “follow your truth” is saying that everyone has their own beliefs about what the truth is. Beliefs do not change the Truth.  

Of course, what we believe is important; for more on that see my post How Belief is Our Most Powerful Tool. But I am saying that believing something doesn’t make it so. 

Hope for self-hate

I debated whether to mention self-hate, but just like willful sin, I feel that it needs to be addressed if we’re talking about a life lived in freedom. Self hate; that point at which I mess up and I’m just disgusted with myself and how miserably I failed to fear God…yep, that was my week. Self-hate is a very real thing and I wanted to share that I experience this because I don’t think I’m the only one. I’m here to say that there is still hope, even in a place of self-hate.

Yes, we sin. But that just gives us another opportunity to talk to God. Another reason to repent, to put our faith in God all over again, and process what went wrong with Him. To let Him make something good grow in us that maybe wasn’t developed yet. Or even to weed out something that no longer needs to be there. He gives us all fresh opportunities to work through our sins with Him, confess them, and let them go thanks to Jesus’ sacrifice. Praise God that “his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning…” (Lamentations 3:22-23). Yes, you will sin, but there is always mercy available to you in Christ Jesus our King. There is hope because “a person is not justified by works of the law but through faith in Jesus Christ” (Galatians 2:16). Sin no longer has the last word over us, because Christ made a way.  

Where our hearts lie can be seen through the fruit of our lives, but there is nothing you can do to separate you from the love of God (Romans 38:38-39). He longs to be chosen by us. He longs to be allowed into our hearts. He makes all things new (Revelation 12:5). Even sin. Even self-hate. Even the pride we struggle to let go of. 

Humility

God is working on my ego in this, my latest particular experience with sin. Ironically, this is actually something I asked Him to do; I prayed that I wanted my ego to be eliminated, kaput, bye-bye. Be careful what you pray for! I believe that my failed test is helping my prayer to be answered. This experience exposed my pride and revealed beyond a doubt that I am no better than anyone else. That it’s all Him, it’s none of me. No amount of hard work, self-determination, sense of righteousness, or even how close I “felt” to God lately makes me a good person in the slightest. Only God is Good (Mark 10:18; Luke 18:19). None of that stuff can save me or you from sin. Only Jesus can do that, so that no one may boast. Only Jesus. 

Thanks be to God.

If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness (2 Corinthians 11:30).

May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world (Galatians 6:14). 

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Repentance

Turning back to God didn’t happen just once for the Israelites, and it certainly didn’t happen just once for me. In my own life, I’ve turned back to Him more times than I can count, sometimes multiple times in a day. However, one time in particular was the start of a big change in my life. Admitting we are wrong isn’t easy. Yet in a sense, it is exactly what repentance, and in fact Christianity, calls for.  

When I discovered this, I didn’t like it at all. It made so much more sense to me that I was fine just the way I was. That sin wasn’t a big deal to be ashamed of but something we learn to cope with. That I wouldn’t really be held responsible for sin, especially the inherited kind that I had no control over. Following this logic, it was easy to lose ground with faith, and I slipped further and further away from the truth of what God’s Word actually says about sin. After losing my faith entirely, living my own way, and believing these “comfortable” things for several years, repentance from sin as the Bible describes it finally became real to me.  

One of my favorite verses in Scripture now is Romans 2:4, “...God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance.” While I was fully convinced of the merits of not believing in sin or God, He reached into my life and showed kindness so undeniable that I couldn’t ignore it or explain it away. When I realized that it really was God’s kindness, not some happy accident or coincidence, it changed something in my heart.

On the path of losing my faith, my heart had gone through a number of phases toward God; I became skeptical, then callous, then arrogant, cold, and unloving. I had been awful to God if He truly was real. I had denied Him. Yet, even still, God showed me kindness. Despite how awful I was to Him, His kindness was the only thing that finally warmed my cold heart. Only a few months later I truly wanted to repent, to turn everything in my life around and trust God instead. It all started with His kindness. His kindness led me off the path of faithlessness and onto a new path of true repentance.

God’s kindness can reach beyond all intellectual and emotional barriers. 

The call to repent really intensified shortly before Jesus’ three years of ministry when John the Baptist began preaching, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near” (Matthew 3:2). After John was put into prison, Jesus moved to Capernaum and “From that time on Jesus began to preach, ‘Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near’” (Matthew 4:17). These two major figures of the Bible both had the same core message! So, what is so important about repentance?  

Repentance comes up quite a bit in Scripture. It is associated with baptism and life. In trying to Biblically define repentance, I found that it is to allow oneself to be corrected (Jeremiah 5:3, Revelation 2:21), to realize and turn from wickedness (Jeremiah 8:6), to turn from idols and renounce all detestable practices (Ezekiel 14:6), to turn away from all our offenses (Ezekiel 18:30), to (re)turn to God (1 Samuel 7:2b-3, Hosea 14:1, Acts 3:19, Acts 26:20), and to produce [spiritual] fruit (Matthew 3:8, Luke 3:8); it involves faith in God (Matthew 21:32, Mark 1:15, Acts 20:21), it is a command to all people everywhere (Acts 17:30), it involves Godly sorrow (2 Corinthians 7:9-10), it involves and is done in relation to sin (John 1:28, 2 Corinthians 12:21), it involves recognition of the truth (2 Timothy 2:25), it is something God wants for everyone (2 Peter 3:9), it is a sort of waking up (Revelation 3:3), and it can result from God’s love, discipline, rebuke (Revelation 3:19), and kindness (Romans 2:4). 

God wants nothing more than for us all to repent. When we do, it unlocks our hearts to be open to receive His promises, His gifts of the Spirit, and His presence. He longs to be close to us. When I chose to keep Him away in my own life, I fell into the sin of idolatry, among others. God’s very first commandment to the Isrealites is to have no other gods before [Him] (Exodus 20:3). While I don’t recall having any golden statues in my house to worship, for me, idolatry came in the form of putting other things before God. The prophet Samuel spoke to the Isrealites about this;

“Then all the people of Israel turned back to the Lord. So Samuel said to all the Israelites, ‘If you are returning to the Lord with all your hearts, then rid yourselves of the foreign gods and the Ashtoreths and commit yourselves to the Lord and serve him only, and he will deliver you out of the hand of the Philistines’” (1 Samuel 7:2b-3).

This Old Testament passage speaks not only of repentance but idolatry, of putting other gods in place of the one true living God. He wants nothing to come between Him and any one of us. He wants our hearts to be committed to Him. 

I had gotten lost in the prevalent explanations that society offers: we all make our own truth, there is no one absolute truth, all you need to do is be a good person, you don’t need to feel ashamed of anything about yourself, there are no eternal consequences for anything, and there is nothing after we die. 

These lies became idols in my life. 

I had adopted them and they became louder in my mind than God’s still, small voice. I was trying to live out this new philosophy of life where I had landed, but I was still miserable. I was even more miserable than I had been when I wasn’t sure of whether or not God was real. It was all too much and I just became numb. It was a dark, confusing, and exhausting time. If you know someone going through a time like this, please check out my post, “10 Ways to Help Someone Struggling with Faith.” Friends, it is so easy to latch onto lies the world tells us; they usually sound good and fair on the surface. However, we must test everything against the truth in the Word of God. It points us back to the truth about ourselves, and to Jesus, who is our hope. 

God keeps His promises. He promised salvation, and He keeps that promise through Jesus and the baptism of the Holy Spirit. 

Repentance leads to receiving God’s promise of deliverance from sin through Jesus Christ.  

God reached out to me even when my mind and heart were closed to Him, when the misery became too much to bear. It was wonderful, amazing grace. This miracle still astounds me. I finally knew without a doubt that God is real, but I couldn’t go back to all the same beliefs I had about God before. Some of those beliefs still needed to be changed, because they weren’t all true. Even though I had repented, I still had to rethink everything all over again. All I knew was that He is real; I had to just start there. I had lied to myself for so long it was hard to know the truth, but I craved it. The fact that I knew He was real meant I couldn’t trust atheist or agnostic sources anymore. He led me right back to the Bible for answers, a Book that I hadn’t trusted in a long time. But I trusted that God was real, so I gave it another chance.

It was a process to understand sin, and how it had cut me off from relationship with God, and that I had gone my own way because of it. I had repented, but then later after seeking truth I finally understood. “‘After I strayed, I repented; after I came to understand, I beat my breast. I was ashamed and humiliated because I bore the disgrace of my youth’” (Jeremiah 31:19). We need both repentance and understanding to sustain us in our faith. I had to come to face the worst of it which was finally clear to me; I’d KNOWN God and STILL walked away from Him! Maybe some of you can relate to this story. Even still, all God asks is for us to trust Him enough to repent. Through repentance–turning from sin and relying on the salvation Jesus offers each one of us–He promises us restoration back to Himself.   

I pray that you can learn from my mistake: you don’t have to walk away from God like I did for your faith to be renewed and strengthened! By seeking Him and the truth about Him, you can know He is real now, you can know He loves you now, you can know His intentions for you were always good. “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13). Yes, sin crept into humanity at the start and bad things happen. Being a good person isn’t enough to conquer sin and death; only Jesus can do that for us. With repentance comes restoration. “Therefore this is what the Lord says: ‘If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me; if you utter worthy, not worthless, words, you will be my spokesman. Let this people turn to you, but you must not turn to them’” (Jeremiah 15:19). There is always hope.

God longs to restore us to walk with Him as He originally intended in the Garden.

Yes, true repentance will cost everything in your life. To fully trust God and walk in repentance, we must let our own logic about what is right for us die and surrender our lives to His way, “Then [Jesus] said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23). The cost is great, but it’s well worth it. God’s way is better than anything we could dream up for ourselves. I’ve never met a single Christian who was sorry they made the choice to follow Jesus.

When repentance and understanding came, the nagging sense of meaninglessness and numbness in my life disappeared. I accepted the truth the Word offers about my own sin, that it is in fact a barrier to relationship with God. Jesus brought justice where I didn’t deserve justice. He loved me when I didn’t love Him. He made a way for me even after I closed the door of my heart to Him. 

No one is too far from His love to be found by Him. 

After I repented and accepted Jesus’ gift of life for me, I couldn’t just go on as I had been going. My life dramatically changed. I started attending church again. I made Christian friends and sought their counsel. I prayed as much as I could because prayer had been restored to me, right along with my life. I had a reason to live again, and to glorify Him in everything. I’m sure my family would tell you I cried less tears.

Change is evidence of true repentance. 

I am still learning and definitely still do things that are wrong. I still need to repent of those things. However, everything changed when I repented of the way I was living and believing. At that moment, change really began. My faith in God is now growing all the time where before it was dead. God restored my ruined life and handed it back to me miraculously whole again. 

Eternal life begins now when we repent, we don’t have to wait until after we die to begin living it! Jesus has truly restored all things, including a life where I can find joy despite the pain this life can bring. It all starts with repentance. May we all be quick to repent and turn to the Lord.

“‘This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: ‘In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength…” (Isaiah 30:15a)

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The Joy of Dance

I remember having to sit through my younger sister’s dance recital rehearsal while trying to do math problems. At age 11, anything girly made me roll my eyes. However, out of the 50 or 60 dances, one ballet dance in particular caught my attention even among the racy jazz numbers and the snappy tappers. I found myself being drawn in by the teen ballet set to Tchaikovky’s Waltz of the Flowers. 

It carried me off into another world where everything seemed better.

The dancers looked genuinely happy. The number was synchronized, artistic, and when I finally saw the dress rehearsal, the white costumes with pink sashes and pink flowers made it all just too beautiful to deny. If this was what dancing could look like, I finally understood why people wanted to do it. “If only I could do that,” I thought. Could I? I wrestled for a few weeks, and then decided. I almost surprised myself when I told my mom I wanted to begin ballet lessons.  

I held tight to the dream of being able to dance like the girls in Waltz of the Flowers, to move with grace. The first year or two of classes revealed my deep love of dance; I danced every chance I could. But when I started competing, I lost sight of why I loved dance in the first place. At competitions, dance was instead about external validation. The hope dance had given me for a better more beautiful world took a backseat until there wasn’t much joy in dance for me anymore; after three years I resigned from the dance team. I couldn’t quite bear to stop dancing altogether though.

Nine years after I quit competing, I did stop altogether. At 25, I simply couldn’t dance. Not because I physically couldn’t. Any doctor would have said I was physically capable. But spiritually, I had nothing left. Without being aware or intentional about my relationship with God, I hadn’t been following Him. I had been consistently careless with my heart and mind, and that summer it caught up with me like a ton of bricks. That’ll slow anyone down real quick.

I had lost all sight of the Lord.

It happened so gradually that it was hard to notice. By the time I did notice, I had stopped even trying to pray. I wasn’t following God’s commands, which provide joy. “The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart” (Psalm 19:8). My joy had run out, and I felt it. All of a sudden, everything about my life seemed wrong. I had a vague awareness that I had lost something like innocence but at the time I was blind to the Truth of God. I sought the world’s rational, scholarly answers for why this was happening to me. But nothing satisfied. The truth was, my heart hadn’t received true joy, the joy that comes only from God’s grace and love, for quite some time. What I didn’t know then is that joy is a gift I couldn’t work to give myself. 

Joy is a gift from God. 

It took years for me to make sense of it. All I knew at the time was that I had completely lost strength, mentally and spiritually. I didn’t think that had anything to do with God. Even the thought of attending a dance class right across the street, as I had been, was exhausting. I don’t even remember having hope to dance again. Scripture says, “...Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength” (Nehemiah 8:10). However, I was grieving and weak. I was in pain and didn’t know how to escape it. I didn’t know how to come back to God even if I wanted to (I didn’t, and I blamed Him for how I felt). “Joy is gone from our hearts; our dancing has turned to mourning” (Lamentations 5:15). My dancing had indeed turned to mourning; I was lucky just to get out of bed. Having joy was only a distant memory. 

I had no reason to dance anymore.

Thankfully, God is a merciful God. He never stops loving us and He is always waiting for us to repent. He welcomes us back to Him with open arms when we do. He delights in lavishing His gifts upon His children, and by His amazing grace, He restored my joy that was lost. It took years, but eventually I was ready to accept the Truth. In one of my darkest moments, I focused on Truth instead of my own pain, and let go of blaming God. I repented of my sin. Suddenly, I was filled with joy, and I praise God that joy has not left me since. 

About a year later, I slowly started dancing again, taking one class here and another there. I wanted to savor the process this time and to go at my own pace. I was not disappointed. I found that once again, as when I first began to dance, I could express freedom in the movement. I became sensitive again to the beauty and grace of dance that I had fallen in love with at age 11. Dance is an expression of the heart and a wonderful way to express joy. 

Two years ago, I took an opportunity to perform in a ballet. Though I doubt anyone knew it but God, I wanted to perform again as a testament to how far He’s taken me. From the depths of despair to the stage, He stayed with me through it all. 

To express the joy that He restored to me through dance was a gift.

Now I’m in a season of being stirred to dance the way David danced before the Lord, “Wearing a linen ephod, David was dancing before the Lord with all his might,” (2 Samuel 6:14). This year, I’ve had the opportunity to choreograph for a performance. By God’s grace I was inspired with joyful steps and free, expansive movement. I could not have set that kind of piece without the joy of the Lord. This was just a few weeks ago.

Joy is so powerful it often elicits a physical response. Other responses to joy found in the Bible include shouting (Leviticus 9:24), eating (1 Chronicles 29:22), and singing (Psalm 95:1). There are many outward expressions of joy to the Lord; my favorite, as you may have guessed by now, is dancing. 

If I ever doubt that God has restored me and delivered me from sin, I remember how, not so many years ago, I couldn’t even dance one step under the heaviness of darkness. There’s no denying its contrast with the joy that now flows from my spirit, particularly through dance. God worked the miracle of joy in my life. Dance symbolizes my journey of being brought from death to life. And so, I will dance on. 

“You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,” (Psalm 30:11).  

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