When I wrote 10 Ways to Help Someone Struggling with Faith, it was 2019. It was about four years after my hardest season of struggling with faith had ended. I started this blog to help people who struggle with faith to feel less alone, and that early blog post remains one of the most-read posts. We want to help those around us, but we don’t always know how. We can’t always relate to someone else’s struggle, because each of our journeys is unique. But as someone who’s been there as far as losing faith and finding it again, I wanted to help bridge the gap between people who struggle with their faith, and their loved ones. And I still do.
Before we get into the 3 ways to help further, I want to acknowledge that a person who has reached a point where they are questioning faith, a foundational component of identity and life, means that they are desperate. Desperate for change. Desperate for authenticity and Truth. This has led them to a place of questioning what is True in their lives, which a very difficult thing for a human being to do. It is much more common and more comfortable not to question the things we can’t reconcile. People who struggle with questions of faith are extremely courageous. They are facing the fear that they might have gotten things very wrong. They are willing to do the hard work of seeking out the Truth, despite what they might find out about themselves or others along the way. We thank God for these Truth-seekers in our lives! Those who choose to go through fire for the Truth can be some of the most refined.
1. Don’t Give Up on Connection
Connection is one of the most healing things there is. God made us to connect with Him and with other people. He designed us to be loved, supported, and encouraged by those we share connections with, aka people in our community. Our community can be our neighbors, coworkers, friends, church community, and family. When a person is struggling with their faith, those connections can feel especially difficult to maintain. They simply cannot relate in the ways they did before.
If you are a safe person to someone in a faith struggle, you may hear things from them you never expected to hear. You may hear things that are sad, surprising, or existential. Without a common foundation of understanding, these are very hard things to connect with another person about. It makes sense that it’s tough to connect. But please don’t give up.
To someone struggling with faith, they likely feel that their identity is in flux. This is why this struggle can lead to people pulling away from those in their communities. It’s likely not because they want to break a relational connection, it is more plausible that they don’t want to ruin a connection because they can’t act or speak in the same ways they once did with you. It is nearly impossible to be undergoing inner world changes while simultaneously following the norms of conversation. Nothing feels normal anymore to someone struggling. Questions of faith can’t be resolved in one sitting or one conversation. Anyone in relationship with someone going through these types of questions will need to be patient.
Connecting with someone is the last thing they probably feel they can do, yet it can be one of the most reassuring and helpful things for their heart. You don’t have to understand everything they are thinking about, you just need to be a constant, loving presence that won’t give up on them, and isn’t scared of what they are going through. Their faith journey is normal and healthy and is for a purpose, and you can help remind them of that when their world seems to be spinning out of their control. To open the possibility up to connect, the most important thing is to make sure they know you aren’t going anywhere.
2. Share Your Testimony of Faith
To truly connect with someone, that person needs to know where you’re coming from. The worst thing you can do when you want to help someone in a faith crisis is to hide where you stand when it comes to your own faith. The best way to let them know where you stand is to share your story. Why do you believe what you believe about God? What makes you solid in your faith? Hearing someone share how certain and unwavering they were in their convictions about how God moves, and hearing them state the Biblical Truths that they stand firm on made a big impact with me when I was struggling with faith. I became curious how they were so certain, what made quoting the Bible so easy for them, how they seemed to be so calm in their spirit about the things I was not calm about. It made me press deeper into what was actually True. Truth is what people need when they are in this state, and oftentimes, they need to find it for themselves. But our testimonies can point them towards Jesus. Our own faith can encourage and inspire other people, even when it doesn’t seem apparent that they trust or believe us at first. The Holy Spirit is faithful to work in people’s hearts, and can use your story and your life to testify of His love and Truth. We are called to share our stories in love, with prayer and discernment as to the right timing and circumstances.
3. Bring Them Around People Who Love God
When I was struggling, I was brought into a church worship service where the room was full of people lifting all their love to God, and God’s love was palpable as it poured back in turn on the room. It was an amazingly beautiful experience that I still think of often. I could not deny that God’s love was in that room, or that He was completely real and True to those people worshiping Him that day. Being in a room of people who love and adore the Lord, better yet, who are authentically worshiping joyfully, is one of the most confronting things a person struggling with faith can see. When our faith runs out, sometimes we just need something we can see. It can eventually bring clarity to the confusion.
To recap, three (more) ways we can help someone struggling are to never give up on them and make sure they know we will always be there for them, share our faith, and make faith visible in a way that doesn’t require their response. Surround them with love, and pray for guidance to the unique ways that you can connect with and share with that person in the love of Christ for them.
The focus must always be on God, not on them; or on us. May we let the story God is writing speak.
To God be all the glory! Amen.
“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged‘” (Deuteronomy 31:8).
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