My family has been following NFL football closely this year. I know way more than I ever cared to know about coaches, players, and the big business that is American football. However, it has been helpful in getting me to think more in terms of offense and defense when it comes to the identities we take on, and try not to take on.
We can be quick to defend ourselves, our opinions, our perspectives. I easily can take offense when what I feel or think is dismissed, misunderstood, or misrepresented. I am capable of feeling very offended, especially when I’m dug in about something that I feel has been a wrong committed toward me. It’s a game that I’ve played many, many times, but the funny thing with the offense game, is that everyone loses.
When I get so offended that an argument starts, I never get the apology and the warm feelings restored that I want. Others see the worst of me and get offended right back at me. Instead of calmly righting a perceived wrong, getting offended sets off a chain of events that keep getting farther and farther away from a loving resolution.
So, how do we take an offensive approach (thinking football here) on getting offended? Without a plan, the feeling of offense tends to spiral out of control into a place that no one cares to be, but how do we go in the opposite direction in the first place? How do we turn the other way entirely from deeper division, more hurt, and more misunderstanding?
Looking at Jesus, He has every right and reason to be offended by the ways we sin, ignore His commands, and forget to include Him in decision-making, yet He never is. Jesus is so aware of and rooted in the Father’s love; He doesn’t “need” me to understand Him or see His side or say something in a nicer tone. He is secure in who He is and who His Father is. He doesn’t hold on to offense.
Focusing on how Jesus took the offenses that I committed against Him has helped me to not only think twice before getting offended, but start from a place of not feeling offended altogether. That place is a heart posture, a state of being, a perspective and posture of grateful grace that takes me beyond offense, a place I could never be without Jesus. Remembering all the ways He responded to me in love when I didn’t deserve it or know better, or understand helps me to move forward in forgiveness instead of back towards feeling offended.
As I’ve been writing about the last few weeks, the way of Jesus is the way of love, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5). The way of offense is self-serving (arrogant), insistent on a problem, and holding on to an attitude of resentment or rudeness.
The way of love lets all of that go, because of the scars of Jesus. The identity that the feeling of offense tries to protect is no longer threatened, because it is rooted in the Truth of the Father’s love and the True identity found in Him. The way of love covers the sin of offense.
To take the offense (meaning like football again) on feeling offended, we remember the risen Jesus is with us, and His Spirit in us. Letting go of offense is never easy on this side of eternity, but we are able to let go of offense because we have Jesus to lean on! We don’t need to fight for position or understanding in this world, or defend our positions if threatened. An identity rooted in Truth stands confidently that we already have all the understanding we need in God, and so we don’t need or expect it from another person, no matter how close that person may be to us. He tells us not to fight or to defend (Exodus 14:14, Deuteronomy 1:30), but instead to love (John 13:34). Getting offended doesn’t help God’s cause and purposes in the world, but us loving people does. Trying to make everything fair in everyone’s eyes or being respected in the world aren’t things Jesus strove for when He was here. Walking in His footsteps, we are to love one another as He loved us (John 13:34). That’s how we can offend offense.
It changes everything to be able to let offense go. When we let it go, we also let go of the crack that it leaves open for the enemy to sneak into our hearts through. So much freedom comes in giving up the state of being offended, and in choosing the stability of the identity Jesus has already given us as co-heirs with Him (Romans 8:17). We don’t have to give in to the trap of offense when we have Jesus to help us stand firm in the Truth. Friends, it’s time to play offense!
“Therefore, you Israelites, I will judge each of you according to your own ways, declares the Sovereign Lord. Repent! Turn away from all your offenses; then sin will not be your downfall” (Ezekiel 18:30, NIV).
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another” (John 13:34).
“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well” (Matthew 5:38-40).
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