Tag: life

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Getting What You Pray For

We expect to get what we pay for. But what about what we pray for? I’ve questioned if something I am praying for is really God’s will, but many times I actively tried not to think about it that way and just prayed for what I wanted or needed. Knowing what God wanted seemed far too mysterious, and was something I would ignore out of frustration. I had no idea how to tell or how to walk in step with God’s will when it came to my everyday life, and it seemed like an impossible ask, and task.

Lately, I’ve come to understand this differently, in a way that removed so much more of the mystery than I ever thought possible.

Praying for My Will

The needs and wants that come up hourly in my own life and in the lives of those close to me seem infinite in number. There are needs to be met at every turn for every person, and it doesn’t take long to realize that we ourselves aren’t equipped to fill them all. We need God every day, hour, and minute. It is natural to have a need or want and pray for it to happen. It’s what I was taught to do, and there’s a good place for it. As an example, for many years I prayed that I would be able to go to bed and actually fall asleep earlier.

But as much as I wouldn’t have believed it or wanted to hear it, I didn’t know what I actually needed or wanted. I didn’t understand how God designed us first for relationship with Him and how much in our lives is a result of this Truth. I knew the sleep trouble indicated a misalignment somewhere in my life, but I didn’t realize that staying up too late was actually a symptom of not prioritizing my relationship with Jesus, or how He was calling me to live. I had prayed for the symptom, but completely missed the root cause.

God’s Restoration

Once I saw the connection of everything to my relationship with Jesus, things didn’t feel so complicated. I simply had to run to Him. I’ve had to learn many things “the hard way,” by not getting what I pray for. Those prayers weren’t focused on what was best in the long run, but what I thought would be good in the present. But God has worked in my heart to restore what I thought at one time was broken trust. God began a needed work of restoration in me that I couldn’t accomplish on my own. I prayed for it, and this time, He answered. He showed me that His will truly is what is best in the long run. Scripture clearly shows time and time again that it is God’s will to restore connection with the hearts that humbly bring themselves to Him. It’s who He is, part of His loving and faithful character. He will restore connection with us whenever we earnestly ask for it, because that is His will.

In this restoration of connection, God transformed my heart. He helped me see how things I believe, say, or do, especially when related to myself, affect my relationship with Him. He showed me through His Word and Spirit that relationship with Him is the most precious and important thing, both to me and to Him. His will is always barrier-free relationship with each one of us. Instead of simply praying for temporal improvements, I began to ask, does this affect my relationship with God? That question has changed everything.

He doesn’t want anything to come between Himself and me or you; He is faithful to help us keep our connection strong when we ask. Through His transformative work in my heart, I came to know that prayers aligned with restoring and keeping and growing trusting, relational connection with us will be answered. It has led to even deeper prayer, with a profound sense of knowing that God has already supplied every real need (Philippians 4:19), before we even ask!

Praying for God’s Will

I mentioned earlier about praying for perceived needs according to what we want or will. But things can get more complicated than that. What if it’s God’s will that a need remains unmet right now? What if His greater plan involves that need going unmet?

Jesus gave us an amazing example of praying for God’s will in the garden of Gethsemane, “And he withdrew from them about a stone’s throw, and knelt down and prayed, saying, ‘Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done‘” (Luke 22:41-42). He knew the Father’s will, but in this prayer He lets the Father know His own will, which is quite opposite. But then, Jesus says something really extraordinary. Jesus displays ultimate humility, knowing and acknowledging that God’s will is sovereign. No matter how much Jesus’ own will tried to resist against it, He had decided long before praying that prayer that God’s will would always be His choice because of His trusting relationship with Him. He had no doubt about the Father’s character of ultimate love and goodness toward Him.

I believe God is inviting us today to decide, like Jesus had done, that He is sovereign in our lives, to humble ourselves in trust, and to choose relationship with Him over our own will. God’s will is restored relationship with Him, and in that place of safety there is freedom and life to be found, sweeter than any life we could attempt to build from our own will.

When we pray for God’s will, we get what we pray for. It may not be immediate, or the way we expect, but restored and strengthened relationship with God is where all this, His plan, is heading. God is faithful and trustworthy to fulfill His will. May His will be done!

“For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother” (Mark 3:35).

“If anyone’s will is to do God’s will, he will know whether the teaching is from God or whether I am speaking on my own authority” (John 7:17).

“And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God” (Romans 8:27).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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Sanctification and Fruitfulness

This year, I’ve visited more farms than I can remember visiting in any previous summer. I’ve picked strawberries, peaches, and flowers. I’ve smelled the Maryland tomatoes and cantaloupes piled high in farmer’s market bins. I’ve felt the sun more than I have since I was in middle school. It’s been healing.

Stale, work computer-charged air a distant memory, I’ve been appreciating the delight of abundance this harvest season. The earth’s harvest is very symbolic in Scripture; it has so much to teach us, especially if, like me, you’ve had to adapt to measuring time by email deadlines rather than by the seasons of Creation.

The harvest season comes with a lot of opportunity to connect with God and each other. As summer yields the crop for the year, seeing the abundance of God’s provision has given me a childlike wonder and delight. A single fruit tree bearing incredible quantities of fruit in just one season has been quite a sight to behold on the farm.

I’ve been longing for the ability to make my own life fruitful to live in the beautiful ways Scripture says is possible (eg: John 15:5, Galatians 5:16-25). But I often feel sorely lacking, and in a season not of abundance but of drought. I’ve been reading about and longing for sanctification and frustrated by its slow, and at times painful, progress that takes a long time to yield fruit and a lifetime to be completed. Sanctification is hard to define, but it involves seeing the Truth to the point of no longer being deceived by selfish desires or goals to find fulfillment, and dedication to serving God and doing His will, instead of my own. This is foolishness to the world of email deadlines, profit margins, and fiscal year spreadsheets that I was entangled with for years, and the process of detangling has been a wild one.

Like the wheat and weeds grow up together, people who love Jesus grow here in the world along with everyone else and everything else (Matthew 13:24-30). Followers of Jesus are not to be removed, but to remain in the world and be an influence for good. Jesus prayed for His followers in His high priestly prayer before His arrest, “My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it” (John 17:15-16) (NIV). The answer to sanctification is not shutting out all of the entanglements, temptations, and evil and hope that that makes us good enough people. We can’t escape the world, nor does God want us to. What makes us able to be fruitful among it all is utter devotion to and dependence on Jesus and His sanctifying work in our hearts.

Jesus continues His prayer, “Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified” (John 17:17-19) (NIV). Jesus prayed for our sanctification. Sanctification involves abiding in Jesus. Abiding, like sanctification, is ongoing, not bound by time at all. We all live in the tension of waiting for the fullness of God’s provision and work in us. It isn’t something I can achieve or be rewarded with. It’s something I simply need to allow. Simple, yet, at least for me, incredibly difficult.

It’s worth it though, because sanctification leads to our lives bearing good fruit. As we allow God by the Holy Spirit (Romans 15:16, 1 Corinthians 6:11) to work in and sanctify us, we grow and mature. We are transformed by Him in holiness, or moral purity in our attitudes, thoughts, and actions. I’ve witnessed this change in people, and it’s simply miraculous.

The fruit that comes as a result of sanctification is loving people as God loves us, living with joy, walking in peace, caring with patience, bearing with others in kindness, and so on (Galatians 5:22-23). Sanctification involves our hearts, minds, and spirits coming to a place that no longer gives in to anything that blocks us from abiding in Him. And again, we’re on a lifelong journey to be sanctified. God is faithful to sanctify His people, even though it may feel slow and painful and impossible at times. This season of abundant, fruitful harvest reminds me of this hope for my own life.

There’s nothing we can do to earn sanctification or speed it up or work toward it. The work is allowing and completely depending on God to do the work that is needed in us, and having faith that He is, has been, and will be working. May God help us on the days we resist His work, and may our lives bear fruit as we allow Him to work through us. Amen.

“Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it” (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24).

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Romans 12:2).

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9).

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Seeking Life’s Deeper Truth

Today I invite you to celebrate with me because six years ago today, I started Life with the King. My first post was called What To Do When You Struggle with Faith. The timestamp is a day late, July 25th, for some computer-y reason I couldn’t fix at the time. I remember having a blog launch party at my house with a few friends and games and food and I was so excited, but nervous. I’ve been journaling since I was seven years old, happy to have a private place to put my thoughts. The decision to be vulnerable enough to share thoughts with other people wasn’t easy, but at the time I just knew it was something I simply had to do. And I’m so glad I did. Six years later, and I still know it’s what I’m supposed to be doing.

The idea behind my website’s tagline, “Seeking Life’s Deeper Truth,” is something that I don’t know that I ever explained, or intended to explain. Those who get it will get it, I told myself. But perhaps now it’s time to go back six years and tell the story behind that tagline.

When I decided on the tagline “Seeking Life’s Deeper Truth,” I had just come from the previous six-year stretch from 2013-2019 of seeking Truth after finding myself caught in a lot of confusion and outright lies that I had sincerely thought were truths up until that point. I never believed in Santa Claus, but just imagine what it is like to find out the truth about him, only you’re an adult, then multiply it by about ten because it impacted every single area of life, and that’s roughly how it felt.

To believe that being a Christian means you’ll be happy every day, to believe that you’re doing everything you can to live well when your gods are television and weekends and looking successful in your career, to believe people need to earn their worth and find their identities in the world…the list could go on and on. I believed these and so many other outright lies and was angry that I had fallen for them. Truth became sacred to me in that period of time. That’s why I now capitalize the word Truth. And I also now believe that Truth has a name. Truth means everything to me in my life and faith journey. The interesting thing about Truth is that this world encourages us to give up on it, have a strange avoidant relationship with it, or lose sensitivity to it just to cope in the moment, while compromising long-term peace.

Confusion is a specialty of the enemy of our souls. The strange thing about Truth is that Satan, as the father of lies (John 8:44), confuses Truth and lies even though they couldn’t be more opposite. And he does this really, really well. Scripture promises that this will get progressively more intense, “For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths” (2 Timothy 4:3-4). Can you think of any teachers or myths with influence being spread today?

The stakes are high, so high that I started a website six years ago to remind others (and continue to myself), that Truth is the most important thing, and it must be sought out. If we are passive and not intentional to seek Truth, we will be swept into the current of lies, so subtly we’ll never even realize it’s happened. I know because that happened to me. I don’t want that even for enemies, but especially not for you, friends.

So I fight against the father of lies by sharing about the Truth when I am given the words. Particularly for me, I fight against the lie of the ego that we are immune to lies. My old post called The Truth about Philosophy and Mental Health is an example of working this out in my own life. I’ve learned the hard way that we must keep our eyes on the Truth, or we may be subject to the wrong king. What would happen if instead of shying away from Truth out of fear of the unknown, we chose to embrace it? For me, it changed everything and it was more than worth the risk.

If we don’t take the risk, we may get to a point where we are told the Truth, and even though we hear it, we don’t recognize it to be True. This happened not only to me but to king Ahab in Scripture. He fell for the trap of his own preference, and believed the lies of the false god prophets, who he chose to follow over Micaiah, who was a prophet of the Lord (2 Chronicles 18). When Truth is clearly presented to us, how do we recognize it when we see it? We must recognize the importance of Truth, seek it, and keep ourselves sensitive to it, no matter the cost. Truth is always worth it.

Seek Truth with all your heart! There is nothing more important. That’s why Life with the King exists. It’s all about Truth, and seeking it for yourselves in the deepest way possible. May you find what you are seeking. Amen.

“They bend their tongue like a bow; falsehood and not truth has grown strong in the land; for they proceed from evil to evil, and they do not know me, declares the Lord. Let everyone beware of his neighbor, and put no trust in any brother, for every brother is a deceiver, and every neighbor goes about as a slanderer. Everyone deceives his neighbor, and no one speaks the truth; they have taught their tongue to speak lies; they weary themselves committing iniquity.  Heaping oppression upon oppression, and deceit upon deceit, they refuse to know me, declares the Lord” (Jeremiah 9:3-6).

“And many false prophets will arise and lead many astray” (Matthew 24:11).

“...they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen” (Romans 1:25).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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Endure Until the End

It is a heroic characteristic to endure. If we are able to have the blessing of sticking it out in this life, we endure its hardships and suffering. But movies send the misleading message that right after hardship, things immediately get better and stay that way. Reality, however, doesn’t pan out that way. Yet, because Jesus gives us hope beyond this world, we can endure, and if we have the faith, we can also trust that Jesus will make it all worth it in His Kingdom.

Jesus said of the end times, “Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved” (Matthew 24:12-12). We aren’t promised better times; in fact, we are assured that the wickedness we must endure will get progressively worse.

Love must not grow cold in us, but must be kept warm in our hearts in order to endure, and we are warned that most people will fail at this. It is love that indicates our ability to stand firm to the very end.

Love is first on the list of fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22. In my own experience, love is not possible without the help of the Holy Spirit. I am keenly aware how much my flesh opposes love, a tension I’ve wrestled hard with; the world tells us we “love” each other just fine thank you very much, but the world’s love is not God’s unselfish, uninhibited, deeply caring, unconditional, eternity-enduring LOVE. The flesh, or the desire for self-preservation and avoidance of pain, gets annoyingly in the way of that kind of love.

To die to self is the only way to let the God-given, miraculous kind of love flow through us, and to choose to live by the Spirit instead of the flesh. As far as I’ve been able to learn in my journey, to deny the flesh and live by the Spirit is what we must do to be able to endure in love until the end of this age.

On days like today, my flesh wants to enter into the world’s system and way, and fight on my own strength from a place of fear disguised as anger and a sense of rightful injustice. Today I need to work extra hard to remember the Truth–that “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still” (Exodus 14:14). And that we are not of this world, “But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ,” (Philippians 3:20). We are to seek first the kingdom of God (Matthew 6:33), (because isn’t that hard enough for us?), and trust that God will provide, no matter how bad things look.

A necessary disclaimer I must add here is that of course I know that there are those whom God has given the strength to work for justice in this world, even among the increase of wickedness, and they are doing good and necessary work that I admire and applaud. But anyone who works against the tide of wickedness and endure in love must be given a God-given purpose in their work, not of fear. It’s the fear-driven anger I feel that tells me that work is not mine to do. And that is the perspective I’m coming from it all with today.

Things are getting harder. But God has not let us be blindsided by this fact; He warned us long ago. And He calls us to endure. Endure in faith. Endure in love. Endure in hope. “Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted” (Hebrews 12:3). To endure, we must keep our eyes fixed on Jesus. Amen.

Remember that out of great tribulation comes a promise, “They shall hunger no more, neither thirst anymore; the sun shall not strike them, nor any scorching heat. For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their shepherd, and he will guide them to springs of living water, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes” (Revelation 7:16-17).

“Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord‘” (Romans 12:17-19).

“Therefore as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity” (Colossians 3: 12-14).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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Connection to Jesus

Life is full of distractions, and our 2025 technology seems to have accelerated them to the point of using our own brains against us, to keep us feeding on the unending stream of things being sold, joked about, discussed with reverence or respect, whatever package you prefer them to be in. The algorithms can pinpoint your preferences with all the research behind gambling psychology. We all have so much to contend with to get a quiet moment away from technology. But what happens when we finally find that quiet moment to connect with God?

What about when reading the Bible doesn’t feel dynamic and alive, but instead feels like a chore to check off the list? This is the point I recently reached, and realized my connection with Jesus had dropped out of the interaction entirely when I tried to read the Bible. I knew something was wrong, and needed to get honest about it. I discovered that when reading the Bible became stale to my overstimulated brain, so did my relational connection to Jesus. I needed to repent over the condition of my heart, which had become too cluttered to connect in the ways I’d come to expect or take for granted.

I’m reminded of the parable of the seed found in the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, and Luke, specifically when the seed falls among thorns, but the thorns choke the plants. In Luke, Jesus explains the meaning of the parable to His curious apostles, “The seed [the word of God] that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature” (Luke 8:14). I believe we have, are, or will all be in the position of experiencing the thorns in our soil in some season of life. We all have to contend with how we live in the world around us that constantly distracts for gains, fear, and has no problem using lies to spread that fear. It can be easy to fall into worry or numbing with the pleasures available to us in this world just to avoid the feeling or responsibility for a moment.

But here in this same parable, Jesus tells us there is another way. Being good soil is possible for us through Him. Connecting with Him is available to us. To not be distracted from Jesus by the worries, riches, and pleasures of this world actually IS possible. Jesus tells us we will know we are in Him by the crop [of the Fruits of the Spirit] we produce (Luke 8:15). Are we walking in the love, peace, and joy that this world may see as foolish and naive but that comes from Jesus, who sees and acknowledges every tear shed on this earth and has promised to wipe every tear from our eyes? (Revelation 7:17). Are we acting in self control towards our vices by surrendering our weaknesses to Jesus or are we trying to control the vices on our own and giving in to them every time?

Many, many people are distracted in many different ways from connecting with Jesus, and they may even act happy about the way it’s going in their lives. I’ve witnessed many people that have convinced themselves they are content with the way things are. They like the game the world plays and get a thrill in playing along. But I’m not convinced, not for a moment. Deep down in their souls, they know it’s not fulfilling, lasting, or life-giving. It’s merely surviving, not thriving. We were all created to thrive, abiding deeply in connection to Jesus our Savior and King. Nothing else will satisfy. There is no other way.

So today, if you’ve been choked by life’s worries, riches, and pleasures to the point of aiming to please the world or men and not God, I invite you to surrender it all to Jesus. Surrender your life and you will gain it (Matthew 16:25). Friends, there is no other way.

The only way I’ve found to be okay with losing my life, is to take the time in the Bible, His Living Word, to know and trust Jesus. I couldn’t trust Him without knowing Him, and don’t know of anybody who could. To do that takes curiosity, sometimes desperation, to find that there has to be more to life available to us than what the algorithms deliver to our dopamine receptors. Connecting not only with our minds but in our hearts to who Jesus really is, is sacred. Not relying on who pastors or podcasters or friends say Jesus is to them, or who He should be to us, but who He is to us and us alone when we seek Him with all of our hearts–that is special and unique and where real relationship with Him is found. There, in His immeasurable grace and kindness, may we find life and find it abundantly. Amen.

“For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it” (Matthew 16:25).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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Falling Awake

Historically, sleep has been one of the biggest struggles in my life. I’d sleep when it was time to be awake, and be awake when it was time for me to be asleep. Since I can remember, I’ve had nightmares of sleeping through my alarm and missing something important (even though I can’t remember one time when I actually did).

I’ve felt like I was running late for my whole life, never feeling like I was calm or collected or fully present when I’d show up to pretty much anything. My soul was stressed trying to catch up to wherever my body was due to be. And I’d beat myself up for it. Why did I have to be that way? So I’ve made myself suffer more than anyone else, and been my own worst enemy too. When I finally matured enough to understand the importance of loving myself, well, I was rudely awakened (pun intended).

But this isn’t really a story about literal sleep. I want to tell the story of being asleep spiritually. Only we know where we are spiritually–that’s a private, intimate understanding between you and God alone. No one keeps us accountable for how much we’ve died to ourselves and surrendered to God today. We experience the consequences of that, certainly. But we don’t have the accountability of others unless we invite them into that journey, and they’re willing to walk with us.

Since my life completely spun out last year, I’ve had no other option but to ask for help. I had to let go of the pride that tried to convince me I could handle it with just me and God. Initially, it was purely a survival move to ask for help, not a spiritual one.

If you’re suffering, and trying to handle things alone, let this be an encouragement to let go of what’s holding you back. Ask for what you need. Needing help is not weak, it’s human. Remember that none of us can do anything on our own anyway. We’re just not as powerful in that way as the world wants us to believe, and that is a relief because it helps to move towards what we authentically are–broken and in need of help and a Savior. And in Jesus, we are given His authority to be more powerful than any powers or principalities in this world; through our weakness He is strong (2 Corinthians 12:10). Lay down whatever you’re holding on to and ask for the help you need to be more fully who you really are, and not what the world wants you to be.

I’d heard about surrendering to God for years, but had convinced myself I didn’t really know how to do that. How was I supposed to find time to surrender to God? I had bills, demands on my time, and a mind that could barely focus or be still without it feeling like torture. How was I supposed to even know what He was saying to me so that I could obey?

Those of you who have walked with the Lord a long time will know that I had drifted from the heart of God and wasn’t putting Him first in my life. It had happened slowly and gradually over the course of several years. I spent less time in prayer, less time in the Scriptures, less time desiring to be in His presence and in worship of Him. I spent more time thinking about my own life, where I wanted it to go and what I wanted to do, and unknowingly started building my own kingdom, like I wrote about last week in Jesus’ Kingdom vs. my kingdom. Spiritually, I wasn’t growing. When I’m not growing in relationship with Jesus, I feel like I’m dying. And I was.

But once I asked for help, and stopped pretending everything was good enough to keep going without any changes, I started to wake up, or to “fall awake.” I started to realize I had been asleep to God’s leading, asleep to the subtle changes that indicated I was growing further apart from His will, and asleep to who He had made me to be. I had been living in a way that had become resigned to the status quo, and just trying to get by. I was too tired, burned out, and stressed to wake up. Until I was simply unable to live like that anymore.

I got accountability, reduced responsibility, and focused on enjoying life again. And soon, God convicted me about surrender. I thought I’d surrendered my life to Jesus many times. I’d even surrendered each area of struggle and sin in prayer at a Freedom conference in 2023. But my life didn’t look different, it just felt more like a trap.

God gave me His whole heart, and had been patiently, kindly waiting for me to give my whole heart to Him too. He never asks us to do anything He hasn’t already done first. I had to give my whole life to Him, not just the parts I was comfortable with. I had to surrender all, just like the hymn says.

For me I’ve learned that surrender means not moving ahead with a decision without praying first and waiting for discernment, peace, and understanding from God. Surrender means not letting fear keep me from driving a car or talking to strangers or being vulnerable in a blog post, not by willpower or unfounded affirmations, but because Jesus is enough for me. He empowers us to lean on Him even as we do things that scare us and are uncomfortable for us and trigger our nervous system to shut down. Even there, I am being taught to trust Him in those moments to never forsake me, and to be strong when I am weak.

Surrender means dying to self daily (see The Serpent’s Question). Surrender for me means trusting God for provision when I can’t provide for myself, and changing my career to be aligned with who He made me to be and furthering His Kingdom in all the ways He has made me able. Surrender ultimately means living freely and lightly (Matthew 11:30).

There’s no quick fix, no way to surrender once and for all. It’s an ongoing, living, breathing relationship with Jesus that sustains us in a life of surrender to Him. And there’s no better life to live, because it leads us to freedom and eternal life with Him, the King of Kings.

So, I’m still working on surrendering everything every day, and will be for the rest of my life. Surrendering my literal sleep, a place where I’ve allowed years of shame to come on me, is one of the areas I’m working on now. But I have immeasurable hope, whereas before my hope had grown dull. God who began the good work He started in us will carry it on to completion (Philippians 1:6), no matter how far we may fall along the way. But once we are awake to His truth and His life, we can continue to choose to stay awake.

May we stay awake to the voice of God, and to the work He is accomplishing in the earth.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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Jesus’ Kingdom vs. my kingdom

Tomorrow I am about to do something that one year ago I wasn’t sure I would again…drive on a highway.

I quit my corporate job almost one year ago. I was miserable, burned out, and wasn’t able to drive a car because it would trigger a horrible panic attack. My body was tired from constant anxiety and a high heart rate. I thought that by staying at a “good” job I was being responsible, taking care of my own life. But oh, how much I was missing! I can only see now in hindsight that my soul was dying. No matter what I did I couldn’t shake that feeling. I was living in the cage I’d unknowingly built for myself, filled with fear and devoid of true surrender. (Creed’s “My Own Prison,” anyone?)

I got to a point last year when the only thing I hadn’t tried was letting go of the idea of controlling my own life. Control was something that I had believed I had to have so fiercely that I couldn’t discern that there was any other way to think. I’d nod at sermons saying to let God be in control, but I had no idea what that really meant for me in my own life. Well, this is the year I found out!

At my wit’s end in a constant state of anxiety, I was forced to take the chance, and tried my very best (pretty badly) to force myself to trust that God would make a way for me as I actively let go of my job. I took a step not knowing what I was going to do next, but at least trusting that I couldn’t stay where I was while also living the life of thriving and wholeness in Christ that I have believed in and have been inching toward since 2015 when I gave my life to Jesus. I just knew He didn’t want me to feel like I was dying every day. He doesn’t want anyone to feel that way.

If you do feel that way today, know that you aren’t alone. Know that that isn’t how life is supposed to feel. Know that God has better for you and always, ALWAYS gives us a way out of our ways of death and into His abundant life. But it will be painful at first to first realize what has been allowed in your life and then to let go of what feels normal. It sure has been for me.

This last year, my life has been testimony story after testimony story of how God restored me inside and out. He provided a real rest, which I so desperately needed after forcing myself to work on something that was not good for my spirit for so long. He used my family to help me enjoy living again, walking again, cooking again, doing things that I actually enjoy again. He healed me from the constant state of panic that I had been suffering with for months. He inspired me to be creative and use my creativity again–but for His Kingdom, not my own. He restored my soul (Psalm 23:3) by teaching me how to wait for and hear His voice. He gave me opportunity to serve others. He is faithful to complete the good work He started in us (Philippians 1:6). Please don’t forget, because it’s so easy to, but remember that He will never leave you, and He will make a way for life in your soul with Him.

So what about tomorrow? I’m driving a long distance, because God healed me of the fear that kept me stuck not driving for months, to go to a place where God called me to go, and be in a place where He called me to be. I can be free, and it’s only because of Him and His work in me. He freed me not only of the mental cage of having to be in control, but the physical restriction of being unable to get myself anywhere in a car. He is truly the Healer. In whatever way you may need healing in your life today, friends, go to Jesus. His Kingdom is the only one that will last, and the only one that brings life.

“as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:18).

“‘To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever!'” (Revelation 5: 13b)

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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3 Ways to Walk in Humility

This past weekend, I took a silent retreat on a beautiful little property where life was thriving. The bugs, beetles, flowers, and animals were all singing their songs happily in the summer sun. I had never been there before, and going in, I thought I would use the time in silence to reflect and grieve and process life with the Lord. However, my environment had such an effect on me, that I couldn’t help but pay attention to it. I got caught up in the dance between butterflies, the ripples in the pond, the scent of an old pine tree, the coo of a dove. I couldn’t help but find joy in the moment and in being where I was among so much beauty, designed by our Creator. I felt free to wonder and be in awe in the present moment.

But a few days later, that feeling has worn off. I woke up feeling the same dread that I’ve woken up with on many days; dread of the sadness I’ve endured and sadness I’ve yet to endure. Dread of the pain and process of living. And while that’s a legitimate emotion that should be fully acknowledged and felt and processed, I want to challenge myself and anyone who can relate, with the truth that that feeling is based on an assumption of going through life without God’s presence. Of doing life on our own. But the truth is that God is with me just as much today as He was during my retreat, thus, the feeling is simply unfounded. Not worthless, not shameful, but normal and human. And also, the feeling is robbing me of the full joy of being, here and now. I challenge you and myself to choose to believe the truth that God’s presence is here and provides every reason for joyfulness, even on days when we wake up and don’t feel it’s true. What is true is that He has provided all we could ever need.  

Humility is depending on the Lord to provide. 

We all encounter this dilemma of choosing between humility and pride, both in the big and small decisions in life. I have discussed an aspect of this before in my post, Dealing with Pride. We all want our way, sometimes overtly and sometimes subconsciously, but beneath it all is the same sinister thing that keeps us from humbly submitting to the Lord and trusting His goodness and provision. This makes us feel distant, can turn into that feeling of dread or worse. This is something that we all deal with and learning to deal with it in healthy and life-giving ways can make all the difference in the very trajectory of our lives. We all are born with pride, it’s the human condition, so we all must learn to handle it when it does wash over or take hold of our perspective. So how do we handle pride in a healthy way that won’t distance our hearts from God further?   

1. Remember how God dealt with you kindly even in your worst moments.

An amazing story in the Bible of not only God’s kindness, but the kindness of people for each other is found in the book of Ruth. Kindness is the thread that runs throughout the short four chapters and it goes around the characters like a chain reaction. Kindness and humility go hand in hand. Boaz’s character reflects that of the Lord, who sees our humble loyalty to Him and rewards it with blessing. 

Later in the story, Ruth proposes marriage to Boaz, an extremely bold and humble thing to do, as it vulnerably demonstrates her dependence on him. Boaz dealt with her boldness kindly. It is out of a keen awareness and gratitude for God’s kindness that true humility can rise up in our hearts and help us to act in the love that Jesus calls us to. Even when we don’t act in great love as Ruth did here for her mother-in-law Naomi, we can all think of ways the Lord has dealt kindly with us. As Romans 2:4 says, it is God’s kindness that leads us to repentance. Fully owning our worst moments and repenting of our pride is the first step in humility.  

2. Decide, once and for all, to pursue genuine change of heart with Jesus.

At some point in our lives, we have to make the choice in faith that God’s way truly is best for us. We all have that decision to make for ourselves, whether His will for the long term is better than getting our way in the short term. There comes a point when we must stop excusing our pride away. At some point we need to acknowledge that anytime and every time that temptation arises, it is never justified to act upon it and follow it if we have committed our lives to following Jesus. We need to recognize it for what it really is, idolatry of the self. By letting our own will rule our perspective, we are placing ourselves in a place only God is righteous, just, and loving enough to fill.

When we are able to own up to our sinful nature, not just a single event or instance, but our heart condition of sin, only then can we fully allow Jesus through the door of our hearts to begin to heal what pride has twisted up in us. When we rely on Jesus with our entire self, we are no longer powerless against pride. We are instead empowered by the Spirit of the Living God to walk in love and humility, even becoming able to truly love our enemies because of God’s love for us while we were still His enemies. This ability is the beautiful and mysterious truth about authentic followers of Jesus. But it doesn’t come easily, and it doesn’t happen immediately. It takes a very close, intimate relationship with Jesus, spending time learning from Him and knowing His love ourselves, not through anyone else’s opinion or experience. It may be helpful to remember that even the demons “knew” Jesus, but they did not believe with a personal trust in Him, which is the kind of knowledge we’re talking about. Knowing Him and His character takes time, just as any relationship does, but it starts with faith that this long journey of learning and seeking to understand the love of Jesus is worth it. 

3. Remember Jesus is King and you are not. 

The more we learn about Jesus, the more beautiful, healing, and powerful we understand Jesus to be, it’s important to remain aware that we will come to identify ourselves with Him, because He identifies so closely and intimately with us. However, we must understand that there is potential in that process for pride to sneak in. Yes, we can identify with Jesus, we model our love and humility after Him. But we must remember who we are, under the authority and ownership of the King, Jesus Christ. Though He can and does work through us, we are not the judge, ever. At best, we may hope to be called His servants, a title of the highest honor for any mortal. As His, we are abundantly provided for, perfectly protected, and infinitely loved. In His care, there is no more need to look for satisfaction in the things that tempt us, because we know where true satisfaction is found, and we have found Him. 

Where is our heart’s condition and motives? This is what Jesus looks at; He fully knows the true condition of our hearts. Come into His presence today. Allowing ourselves to be driven by pride is damaging to us in the long term, but He knows what it’s done to our hearts, and He seeks to fully heal and restore each and every one to wholeness as His beloved ones.

It is only in His presence that our heart is fully at home.  

While only Jesus heals, there is responsibility on our part for our own heart’s condition. It is always God’s will to heal us of our pride and gently, patiently teach us the humility of Jesus, but He always takes our choices into account. Friends, I invite you to choose to know His presence with you in a fresh and deeply healing way. I invite you to the perspective that there is always reason to rejoice because of His presence and salvation. I invite you to stand in awe and wonder in the present Presence of the Lord, because there we are home.

Further Reading: The Prodigal God by Timothy Keller

“…I rejoice in your salvation.” (1 Samuel 2:1, ESV). 

“But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.’” (1 Samuel 16:7, ESV).  

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace. 

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Dad with a Capital D

Scripture tells us that Judas was in charge of the money for Jesus and His disciples (John 12:6, John 13:29). Money, thirty pieces of silver to be exact, ended up being his downfall when he traded Jesus for it (Matthew 26:14-16). Jesus taught by example, and I have to believe Judas was put in charge of the money for good reason, even though he was a thief (John 12:6), to teach him, and to help him overcome his greed and the way it tempted him. By His life and work, Jesus showed Judas that life was more than money, and that God provides for every need. Jesus taught this to Judas regardless of the choices he would end up making. 

Similarly, Jesus gave his three closest disciples the task to watch and pray (Mark 14:34) while He was praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, awaiting capture. His command to watch and pray includes the reason, “so that you will not fall into temptation” (Mark 14:38), which struck me as odd the first few times I read it recently. What temptation could they be facing as they were trying to be a comforting presence to Jesus? On one level, the temptation to sleep was very present, the gospel accounts make the point that the disciples there with Jesus did not stay awake. But Jesus seems to be pointing to a greater temptation than sleep, rather, the temptation to fall away and desert Him. This temptation is still very present today, and we are constantly being faced with life lessons about this, feeling the life tension this particular temptation affords.  

God may task us with the things that tempt us the most for our good.

These two very universal examples of greed and disloyalty to God can be great lessons to us from our ever-present and patient yet good, Dad. What tempts you the most? Perhaps you’re already in a position where you are facing temptation with a capital “T” every day. This is what the disciples faced too. They were threatened with death for following Jesus, so the temptation to fall away was very strong. But Jesus knew that in order to love Him and love their neighbors, they would have to be free of their temptations to sin. He knew that surrendering their temptations to God was the way to avoid giving in to them. 

If we are struggling with temptation, we have the opportunity to face it with Christ and accept the freedom He provides from it. Trials such as these actually demonstrate God’s love for us and His work for the best for us, just as Jesus wanted the best for His disciples. He gave them all every opportunity to believe in Him and repent, even Judas, to the very end of his life.

Temptation that has not been faced still threatens to keep us captive, and Jesus told the disciples to face it head-on with God in prayer. God doesn’t want captivity for us, He wants the freedom which we were made for.

God’s lessons aren’t easy, but they teach us to be free. 

When we have need that only God can fill, but go to something else to be satisfied, we are choosing to be a slave to that something else. We give in to the temptation of idolatry when we run to anything but God to fulfill us. God does not desire us to be free of needs or desires, He gave them to us! Instead, He wants us to come to Him to fulfill them, not to anything else. Only He can fulfill all our needs and provide us with lasting satisfaction. Once we come to trust that this is true, we stop explaining it away, and we stop making excuses for our need for safety, security, power, control, love, and affection. This allows us to step into the fullness of Christ, but also into the fullness of ourselves, who we truly are. Letting go of all our very real and present needs and giving them to God instead of trying to meet them ourselves is key. This is where true freedom is for us as human beings.

Many people live their whole lives holding back who they truly are in order to get their needs met by temporal people or things. This is not how God intended us to live. Temptation is the refining fire, the lesson to learn, the test to prove how free we truly are–how fully and deeply we depend on God alone.

Not denying the truth anymore opens us up to being fully ourselves and fully alive.

James, the younger brother of Jesus, wrote, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2-4). These tests and trials he refers to are the temptations Jesus dealt with in his friends, things like greed and disloyalty to God out of fear. 

For many of us, coming to maturity in our freedom in Christ is a lifelong journey. But what if we could start living this way today? What if we lived as if just today, the veil was torn right before our eyes and we enjoyed deep intimacy with God in His presence for the first time? How much more free might we be today with our love for others? How much less would we concern ourselves with money when we are fully aware of how wealthy we are in His abundant presence? Would we give to and serve our neighbors differently? Love our friends and family differently? Be devoted to God on a new level? Let’s take the first step toward this life today, in faith that God will provide all we need to satisfy our desires.

God wants nothing to hold us back from abundant life with Him.

Friends, the Kingdom of Heaven is here on earth right now in us; we can start living as our fullest selves here and now. God desires to help us do that through the Holy Spirit. Are there needs we don’t we trust He can meet? Fears we don’t think He can’t soothe? Problems we don’t think He can solve? I encourage you to join me as I too wrestle with these questions in the presence of God. Today we can see what the disciples’ lessons were, but can we see and learn from our own? Let’s allow God to speak truth and life to all the things that we believe hinder our path to enjoying freedom in His present Kingdom. 

God created us to shape culture, to rule the earth with justice and mercy. When Jesus reigns in our hearts, we bring His Kingdom culture here and now. May we lay the hardest parts of our hearts, our ugliest sins, before the foot of the cross, and allow Jesus to redeem them all. Jesus already paid the price for them. He is the ever-patient Dad to us, never forcing even His love and presence, upon us. He loves you and never gives up on His design for your freedom. Today may we let Him love us despite it all. All truly is forgiven.  

Further Reading:

Garden City by John Mark Comer

The Welcoming Prayer by Thomas Keating

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God’s Will and Passover

Times are bad; that’s the word on the street (internet), anyway. There are hundreds of things that are cruel and difficult about our world today that I could list here, but I won’t do that to you today. Instead, I want to share some things that truly fascinate me about the power and also the relational nature of God’s will. For an early example, on several occasions, Moses was able to talk with God and dissuade Him from acting against His character towards the Israelites (eg: Exodus 32:9-14), even after they had done deeply offensive things that dishonored Him. 

God is willing to show great mercy and love in relationship with us. God’s will is that we would glorify Him in our character, work, and worship. God’s will is that we would have no more sorrow or struggle. He wants the best for us, to rest in the enjoyment of life with Him. So, what’s the deal? If God is who He says He is, why does our world seem to be in such bad shape? 

Both God’s will and humans’ decisions determine the state of our world–and life itself.

It isn’t one or the other, God’s will or ours, that makes things the way they are. It’s both, and the only reason we know of is because God wants it that way. For better or for worse, God wants to partner with us in our lives. This particular law of the universe is as influential as gravity; it’s what makes prayer matter. It’s why faith matters. It’s why our decisions matter. God desired so much to be in relationship with us that He set up the entire universe to ensure that we would be able to work alongside Him, partnering with Him in His will. 

Even though God’s original plan and will for humanity was detoured because of the Fall, the original, relational nature of the Universe still stands. Yet, God’s will has final say, and this is important to remember. 

God does not partner with us in the things that are outside of His will. 

God does not go against His will to fulfill ours. In selfish acts that disregard love and the well-being of others, He will not partner with us. But even, and perhaps especially, in those times He will never leave us. We are His beloved children and that does not change. Instead He patiently and diligently teaches us, through our sin, mistakes, and wrong decisions, what His will is. And it all goes back to His original design for us. 

Why be concerned about God’s original design if the whole relational partnership thing didn’t work out between us? Again, God has the final say, and thankfully His will is being brought about even now. Even with all the detours our own selfish wills have led us down. Nothing can stop God’s will, not even all the sin humankind has committed against each other, throughout all of time (can you imagine; just the sins against each other demonstrated in 2020 alone make me want to look away). God’s will is still coming about, and He never stops working but He always leaves the invitation open to us to join with Him by faith in the work He is doing to align with His will. He made the Way for us to do that fully through Jesus, because we cannot conform our wills to His without faith in Jesus’ sacrifice for us.  

Death is against God’s will for us; He has taken control over it through Jesus.  

Jesus overcame death after putting the sin of all humankind, including mine and yours, to death with Him as the ultimate atonement sacrifice, the once-for-all Passover lamb. Sin’s penalty is death, because apart from God we wither. Death wasn’t in His original design for us, we were always meant to be in close relationship with Him. Thankfully, God’s will to be in an unhindered relationship with us could not and cannot be stopped! His will is for us all to experience the everlasting life with Him that we were always intended to enjoy. 

Jesus’s atonement for our transgression comes alive (pun intended) in the context of Passover, the holiday celebrated first by the Israelites right before they were set free from slavery in Egypt.

God’s final plague on Egypt was death of the firstborn sons in every family, but any house that had the blood of a sacrificial lamb on their doorposts would be passed over by God. “‘…The blood will be a sign for you on the houses where you are, and when I see the blood, I will pass over you. No destructive plague will touch you when I strike Egypt. ‘This is a day you are to commemorate; for the generations to come you shall celebrate it as a festival to the Lord—a lasting ordinance’” (Exodus 12:13-14).

Passover is the perfect time to remember Jesus, the new covenant of His blood shed for us, and hope of ultimate freedom from death and sin. 

We are now in spring, and Passover is here. Jesus ate His last Passover meal on this earth with His disciples in Jerusalem. He fully understood the significance of that night, the night of his arrest, and what His death would mean for the world. 

The first Passover night in Egypt marked the establishment of the nation of Israel with the escape from slavery to the Pharaoh that very night (Exodus 12:31-34). Israel as a people was established and given freedom, all in one night! Similarly, we all are established into God’s family and given freedom from death in Jesus. 

Passover is the time of establishing identity.

During the Last Supper, Jesus’ last Passover meal on earth, He consecrates the new Israel to the Lord. God’s original covenant with Abraham (Genesis 12:12) was to make Israel a great nation, and to bless “all peoples of the earth,” and establishing Israel as a nation was a pivotal step in bringing about God’s will. But God didn’t stop with Israel. 

Jesus knew He was the ultimate Passover Lamb when He ate the Last Supper. In that moment, Jesus establishes God’s people–yes that’s us!–under a new covenant of His blood, “And he said to them, ‘This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many” (Mark 14:24). 

Jesus’ Passover is for all people on earth, not just Israel. 

With His new covenant, He welcomes us all into the family of God. But this wasn’t easy, even for Him. After His last Passover meal and just before His arrest, Jesus got alone in the garden of Gethsemane and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will” (Matthew 26:39). This prayer Jesus prayed in anguish and distress tells us something of God’s will. 

Jesus had a human will just like you and me. He didn’t want to have to die. He didn’t want to suffer and bear the biggest burden ever asked of any human before or since. And He was honest with God about that. 

But, Jesus yielded to God’s will, even though it was against His own. 

That’s part of what made Him so uniquely different and able to fulfill a role that none of us could fill. All the rest of us “have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23), because we have chosen our will over His in our lives.

The point is this, that by relationship, by using the fundamental law of partnership that God laid down in the foundations of the earth, we can partner with Jesus in our own atonement and eternal life by faith in Him and His sacrifice. Because of Jesus and our relationship with Him, we are restored to relationship with the Father God as He originally designed. God does not will for people to die for any reason, period. Jesus came and suffered in death so that people wouldn’t have to die anymore. He made a way for His will, to partner with Him restoring us to everlasting life. Gives a whole new meaning to the old, “where there’s a will there’s a way” phrase, doesn’t it?

It is our own choice whether we lay our own will down to His.

Whether or not we surrender to God’s will is completely our own choice. He will never force His will upon us, because He is a loving, patient God. To surrender our will to God as Jesus did so beautifully at Gethsemane, we must fully trust Him. To trust Him, we must know Him. To know Him, we must seek his character; for more on this check out the Life with the King blog series Characteristics of God). 

Building our relationship with Jesus takes curiosity, intention, and sometimes desperation if and when our own wills lead us into pain and sorrow. God’s will always has more for us than we could ask for or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). God’s will provides true hope that connects back to who we really are and why we’re really here through Jesus. God’s will is what our true identity longs for if we are faithful to dig deeply enough to see it. 

Jesus rules (yeah, I said it)

God always intended for a human to be king, to rule the earth (see Genesis 1-3). Jesus’ coming not only fulfilled God’s will to provide atonement for His beloved people, the sheep to His shepherd, but Jesus also fulfilled the role that Adam, and all men and women after him, could not. Jesus, fully God, fully human, came to rule the earth as King. Only Jesus could do that work. He fulfills this role of King even today, at the right hand of the Father. There, He is interceding for us, even in this very moment (Romans 8:34). Jesus is the ultimate King, reigning with both justice and mercy, both grace and truth. Jesus our rightful ruler and King has not left us to follow His own will as we have but invites us to partner in His reign with Him. Can I hear a Hallelujah!?  

As we walk through the remembrance that Passover brings, and approach Good Friday to remember Jesus’ sacrificial death for you and for me, I encourage you to broaden the picture of Holy Week to consider its rootedness in the story of Passover, God’s covenant relationship with humankind, deepening our understanding of the Gospel stories with a new layer of profundity and a glorious vision of hope.   

May God bless you as we remember the story of our King together. Praise and thanks be to Him, the King of Kings, forever and ever! 

“Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen” (Hebrews 13:20-21). 

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to the blog, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing about Life with the King. Grace and peace. 

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