God’s Help

Letter to my future self

Is it hard for you to accept help too, or is it just me? It can be very difficult for me to accept help from people and from God. Pride can get in the way so easily, and that’s especially when the way of the world can seem more important than the Way of Jesus. However, it’s fundamental to Christian faith to be able to accept help and grace from Jesus, and from His people. Even when I believed they couldn’t help. Even when I felt it looked weak. For some of us, it’s not as easy as it sounds to accept help.

I hope you have looked to God to help you with all of these things.” When I was 14, I wrote that in a letter to my “40-something” self. I pulled it out of dust today, and while I’m not quite 40 yet, that letter reminded me of how much God has taught me this past year about how to let Him help me. Even at 14, I knew it was a struggle for me. I was used to walking in the opposite direction of God for help, trying to help my own self, thank you so much. I wouldn’t have admitted that, though. But, revelation comes when we are ready to see it. God is so mercifully patient with us that way.

I was lost in the way of the world and couldn’t stop going the wrong way, like running on a treadmill with a broken emergency brake. But I didn’t know how to fix it. I needed help. God helped me first by letting me break all the way down. To the point where I couldn’t help myself even if and when I tried. “My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth” (Psalm 121:2). It was humbling, but it was the lesson I needed. We can’t humble or transform our own hearts, we need Jesus to do that.

Part of me will probably always be prone to being tempted to earn things for myself; I think that’s normal for us human beings. But God has been faithfully teaching me a new Way, a Way of freedom from sin, including the pride that kept me from accepting help. My letter showed me that my 14-year-old self was longing for it and I’m grateful that I’m finally starting to learn. And God is faithful to teach you too. He never gives up on us, not even after many, many years. It’s His kindness that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4). So now, though I’m sure I’ll mess up again, because hi, human, I’m looking to Him more than ever to live a life aligned with the Truth: that it is only by God’s help that we have every breath and blessing.

May we all learn to rest in the Truth of God’s help, aware of how completely we depend on Him for all we need. Amen.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:1-2).

The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore (Psalm 121:8).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

Falling Awake

Historically, sleep has been one of the biggest struggles in my life. I’d sleep when it was time to be awake, and be awake when it was time for me to be asleep. Since I can remember, I’ve had nightmares of sleeping through my alarm and missing something important (even though I can’t remember one time when I actually did).

I’ve felt like I was running late for my whole life, never feeling like I was calm or collected or fully present when I’d show up to pretty much anything. My soul was stressed trying to catch up to wherever my body was due to be. And I’d beat myself up for it. Why did I have to be that way? So I’ve made myself suffer more than anyone else, and been my own worst enemy too. When I finally matured enough to understand the importance of loving myself, well, I was rudely awakened (pun intended).

But this isn’t really a story about literal sleep. I want to tell the story of being asleep spiritually. Only we know where we are spiritually–that’s a private, intimate understanding between you and God alone. No one keeps us accountable for how much we’ve died to ourselves and surrendered to God today. We experience the consequences of that, certainly. But we don’t have the accountability of others unless we invite them into that journey, and they’re willing to walk with us.

Since my life completely spun out last year, I’ve had no other option but to ask for help. I had to let go of the pride that tried to convince me I could handle it with just me and God. Initially, it was purely a survival move to ask for help, not a spiritual one.

If you’re suffering, and trying to handle things alone, let this be an encouragement to let go of what’s holding you back. Ask for what you need. Needing help is not weak, it’s human. Remember that none of us can do anything on our own anyway. We’re just not as powerful in that way as the world wants us to believe, and that is a relief because it helps to move towards what we authentically are–broken and in need of help and a Savior. And in Jesus, we are given His authority to be more powerful than any powers or principalities in this world; through our weakness He is strong (2 Corinthians 12:10). Lay down whatever you’re holding on to and ask for the help you need to be more fully who you really are, and not what the world wants you to be.

I’d heard about surrendering to God for years, but had convinced myself I didn’t really know how to do that. How was I supposed to find time to surrender to God? I had bills, demands on my time, and a mind that could barely focus or be still without it feeling like torture. How was I supposed to even know what He was saying to me so that I could obey?

Those of you who have walked with the Lord a long time will know that I had drifted from the heart of God and wasn’t putting Him first in my life. It had happened slowly and gradually over the course of several years. I spent less time in prayer, less time in the Scriptures, less time desiring to be in His presence and in worship of Him. I spent more time thinking about my own life, where I wanted it to go and what I wanted to do, and unknowingly started building my own kingdom, like I wrote about last week in Jesus’ Kingdom vs. my kingdom. Spiritually, I wasn’t growing. When I’m not growing in relationship with Jesus, I feel like I’m dying. And I was.

But once I asked for help, and stopped pretending everything was good enough to keep going without any changes, I started to wake up, or to “fall awake.” I started to realize I had been asleep to God’s leading, asleep to the subtle changes that indicated I was growing further apart from His will, and asleep to who He had made me to be. I had been living in a way that had become resigned to the status quo, and just trying to get by. I was too tired, burned out, and stressed to wake up. Until I was simply unable to live like that anymore.

I got accountability, reduced responsibility, and focused on enjoying life again. And soon, God convicted me about surrender. I thought I’d surrendered my life to Jesus many times. I’d even surrendered each area of struggle and sin in prayer at a Freedom conference in 2023. But my life didn’t look different, it just felt more like a trap.

God gave me His whole heart, and had been patiently, kindly waiting for me to give my whole heart to Him too. He never asks us to do anything He hasn’t already done first. I had to give my whole life to Him, not just the parts I was comfortable with. I had to surrender all, just like the hymn says.

For me I’ve learned that surrender means not moving ahead with a decision without praying first and waiting for discernment, peace, and understanding from God. Surrender means not letting fear keep me from driving a car or talking to strangers or being vulnerable in a blog post, not by willpower or unfounded affirmations, but because Jesus is enough for me. He empowers us to lean on Him even as we do things that scare us and are uncomfortable for us and trigger our nervous system to shut down. Even there, I am being taught to trust Him in those moments to never forsake me, and to be strong when I am weak.

Surrender means dying to self daily (see The Serpent’s Question). Surrender for me means trusting God for provision when I can’t provide for myself, and changing my career to be aligned with who He made me to be and furthering His Kingdom in all the ways He has made me able. Surrender ultimately means living freely and lightly (Matthew 11:30).

There’s no quick fix, no way to surrender once and for all. It’s an ongoing, living, breathing relationship with Jesus that sustains us in a life of surrender to Him. And there’s no better life to live, because it leads us to freedom and eternal life with Him, the King of Kings.

So, I’m still working on surrendering everything every day, and will be for the rest of my life. Surrendering my literal sleep, a place where I’ve allowed years of shame to come on me, is one of the areas I’m working on now. But I have immeasurable hope, whereas before my hope had grown dull. God who began the good work He started in us will carry it on to completion (Philippians 1:6), no matter how far we may fall along the way. But once we are awake to His truth and His life, we can continue to choose to stay awake.

May we stay awake to the voice of God, and to the work He is accomplishing in the earth.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

Compassion and Resting in Jesus

I wasn’t planning to address the current global pandemic, but it’s so heavily on my heart that I have to acknowledge it in some way. I take great care that everything I post here comes from an honest place. If what I write doesn’t feel honest, I don’t post. Period. So please pardon my extra honesty about compassion, which can be brought to any situation or any time. The COVID-19 situation just underlines its importance all the more.  

I want to admit that especially in the face of the world’s current state of uncertainty, I get easily worn out emotionally. I’ve been more moody than usual, as the emotional enneagram type 4 that I am. I’m not scared for myself so much, but my heart breaks for the world, the country, the state, and the people who are most vulnerable right now–including several family members. 

History with MRSA

About fourteen years ago, my family began dealing with a highly contagious bacteria called MRSA, a deadly staph infection. My dad brought it home from the nursing home where he worked. I watched the extreme anxiety of washing, wiping, and disinfecting everything—our sheets, our clothes, our skin—wear heavily on us all, Mom in particular. The infection would seem to be healed for a few weeks, we would start to breathe easier again, but then suddenly, the infection would recur. This happened several times over a series of long, agonizing months. 

With time Dad recovered, and slowly, the black mood lifted as household life returned to normal–but not without scars. I’ve been forced to revisit my scars as the trauma and familiar anxiety of those terrible MRSA months have flooded back to me in the last week or two due to COVID-19, and the emotions simply overwhelm me at times. As then, I pray. I sleep when I can. I wait. Focus on my work becomes harder and more important to my mental health. Staying hopeful becomes an even higher priority.

This is not new for me, but it is for most of the world–the US in particular. As someone who relies heavily on intuition and empathizes deeply with others, it’s been a difficult week, and from what it sounds like, we all have a while to go.  

So how do we cope? What do we do when we have no experience with something this widespread and dangerous but have to face it anyway? For better or worse, I actually have some real-life experience to draw from having gone through a long, terrible fight with a deadly strain of MRSA in my household. 

The only way I’ve found to get through uncertainty of any kind is by resting in the certain love and compassion of Jesus. 

Jesus does not want us to live in a state of heightened anxiety and stress; it’s no way to live, from a physical, spiritual, emotional, or mental health standpoint. In the New Testament, Peter wrote, “[cast] all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you (1 Peter 5:7). Jesus cares about what we’re going through. He offers to do something about our anxieties. He offers to take them upon Himself.

The Compassion of Jesus

Jesus’ compassionate presence is reliable even when nothing else is. Matthew 9:36-38 says, “When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, ‘The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.’” 

What a beautiful picture of compassion! Here Jesus’ heart is clearly with the most vulnerable. Throughout the Bible, God shows His compassionate nature, for example by not abandoning his people in the wilderness after the exodus from Egypt. By rescuing and delivering his people from oppressive enemies. By strengthening and restoring them. Answering them. Sparing them. Forgiving them. Comforting them. Providing for them. Jesus showed compassion in His life on this earth by healing, feeding, giving sight, and teaching the people. 

Jesus then brought the compassionate work of God to a head by making the Way to reconciliation and forgiveness of sins. 

In the midst of MRSA and now in the midst of COVID-19, He assures that through Him, our souls are safe from harm. He brought eternal healing to our mortal souls by His grace, love, and compassion. With that assurance, fear has no place to take hold of us. Jesus was and is the source of my hope, even in “the valley of the shadow of death” (Psalm 23:4). Jesus is worth trusting in. Jesus himself said, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). Friends, let’s take heart together. 

We are not designed to handle such heavy burdens on our own. While we certainly must do what we can to protect ourselves and others, we are not in control, no matter how many times we wash our hands or how carefully we hoard supplies. Only God can handle a burden as heavy as an incurable illness or a global pandemic. He is our true, everlasting place of peace, comfort, and rest. 

Jesus is the only place our weary souls can take a real rest. 

We all have emotions, and they are all valid. However, the way we feel changes constantly and, if you’re anything like me, it’s typically not in line with what is True. We mustn’t allow our emotions to go so far as to replace Truth with hysteria and a general sense of doom. What the world easily forgets, what we must hold onto, is the truth that God’s presence and help is always available to us

We always can choose a different point of view in the face of fear when we follow the God of love. 

God gave us the precious ability to choose for ourselves how we live, what we focus our minds on, and how we treat others. We can also show love to ourselves by choosing to think healthy, life-affirming thoughts in line with the Word of God. We can also choose to love our neighbors in creative ways, because God “first loved us” (1 John 4:19). He gives us His love so that we can show love. 

We get to choose where our hope is found, no matter what is going on around us. Friends, I can tell you from experience that putting all hope in disinfecting practices and medical expert advice is shaky ground. By setting our hope first on the saving work of Jesus, we have a firm foundation for and ability to rest. 

Jesus longs for us to draw close to Him. He loves and cares for us more deeply than we can even know. He is always waiting for us with open arms. In the midst of whatever we are going though, He is there and able to handle whatever burdens and pain we bring to His feet.    

Jesus is in the business of restoration and healing. 

He is merciful and just; “our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1). Jesus is working, even when we don’t see it, to heal and restore. That’s just who He is and what He does. 

We don’t have to live in fear because no matter what happens, He will bring restoration and healing in the end thanks to his unending compassion for us. When we practice compassion ourselves, we take part in bringing the Kingdom of God to this earth, the Kingdom that first broke in when Jesus came. 

We can continue His Kingdom work right now, as we abide in His Spirit of compassion. It is through His Spirit that we have the capacity to love and serve. Compassion is the opportunity we have every day and particularly right now. While the world is fearful and hurting, “like sheep without a shepherd,” Jesus invites us to come to Him. Let us find rest in Jesus, the one True Shepherd of souls, and show His love and compassion in whatever ways we can. It will not only help bring healing to others, but it will also aid in our own healing.  

Self Compassion

While compassion is often thought of as being directed toward others, it is equally important to have compassion for ourselves. Particularly as anxieties and fears shudder through us, and as experiences and situations contradict our hope, we must be patient with ourselves. We need to make sure not to skip over giving ourselves the same grace that Jesus has already given us. He knows “we are dust” (Psalm 103:14); we are human beings, and we have weaknesses. That’s okay. For some of us this can be hard to accept, but it’s essential to understand it. 

We won’t be able to accept Jesus’ grace if we cannot grant ourselves enough grace to receive it. 

We must show ourselves the same compassion, kindness, gentleness and patience that we would show to our closest, dearest friend. “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” (Colossians 3:12). This isn’t easy; I am saying this as a reminder to myself too, and am working on this along with you!

I recently read a quote that said, “the ‘little things’ aren’t as little as you think.” How you treat yourself moment by moment, how you talk to yourself, might seem like a small thing in the grand scheme of everything else, but it makes a big difference to show compassion in those in-between moments. Friends, don’t forget to be gentle with yourself. 

While we can’t control what happens, we can control how we respond. Let’s respond with the love and compassion of Jesus, especially towards ourselves, in this difficult time. 

God sees us as worth loving, so we should too! 

God is a God of compassion. He cares for us as a good father cares for the best interests of his own child.  Just as love is a choice, it is also a choice to show compassion toward yourself and others. We are His children through our faith and reliance on the saving work of Jesus. He shows us radical, profound love, grace, and mercy which we can experience fully when we trust Him. 

Jesus had great compassion for people, and by looking at His life on earth we are given an amazing example of what it looks like to practice the art of compassion, for ourselves and others. 

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31-32).

Compassion will run out if our source is not Jesus Himself. 

Our humanity limits the extent to which we, in our own strength, are capable of showing compassion. It is only when we lean on Jesus’ strength and forgiving work that our compassion for others won’t run dry. 

The way of rest and restoration is found only in Jesus, friends. May all the compassion you show inspire others to hope in the promise of healing that Jesus fulfills.

Sometimes disasters help us run into God’s arms all the faster and more fervently. In this season as the world is experiencing disasters of all kinds and we are urged toward social distancing, may we ever draw closer to our compassionate, loving Father. 

But you are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love” (Nehemiah 9:17).   

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail” (Lamentations 3:22).  


a bruised reed he will not break, and a smouldering wick he will not quench, until he brings justice to victory; and in his name the Gentiles will hope” (Matthew 12:20-21).