Tag: God

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The Truth about Philosophy and Mental Health

Just for a moment, imagine you are in the process of figuring out your beliefs. You know you will use them and navigate decisions with them, for the rest of your life. Imagine that you look at the world’s beliefs with all their opinions, ideologies, and religions. How do you decide what beliefs are true? 

Any belief that we take on can have serious consequences for our spirit, and in turn, our mental health. 

Beliefs impact our well-being, mentally and emotionally. What we believe internally, meaning our expectations and hopes, carry serious weight and are just as important as our external, circumstantial experience of being. If we treat our beliefs with too little importance, eventually they will catch up with us. According to psychologist Jordan Peterson, when our internal and external worlds don’t align enough or are misaligned for too long, serious psychological pathology can result.  

The passage below from Colossians triggered a turning point in my thinking about what I believe: 

“So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ. For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and in Christ you have been brought to fullness” (Colossians 2:6-9). 

When I read it, this passage shockingly spoke directly to my past, in which philosophy was my bible for navigating life. The human ways of knowing that philosophy offered completely charmed me. It seemed comfortingly detached, logical, and rational, something I could stand on as a marker when the tide of my personal feelings made me drift away from reality. In philosophy, everything must be explained, justified, and correct. If an idea stood the test of philosophical debate, I thought it must be right, at least right enough for me to believe in. 

I failed to realize in time that philosophy must be used as a tool and not be made a god. 

People use philosophy as a way to get to the truth of something. That’s why it appealed so much to me; I wanted to get to the truth. The truth about philosophy, however, is that it is only a tool, which has a place. We must not confuse it, however, with the truth itself. 

Many Christians fear learning philosophy, likely with the assumption that it will make them pick apart every belief they have about God with human logic. People do not like their beliefs to be challenged. Of course, enjoying the ego thrill, I dove right into philosophy when I started having questions and doubts about God. What could be so scary about philosophy if the stories about Jesus were true, right?

However, I soon realized that philosophy wasn’t concerned with the truth about Jesus. Instead, it pulled me into a whole other set of concerns altogether, and slowly, I was trained in its way of thought. Much like an ideology or religion. 

Soon I was thinking philosophically about everything, and putting it in that highest place for truth that it simply wasn’t meant for. Philosophy made me feel powerful. It made me feel like I could argue my way past any belief. It made me feel like I was too good for beliefs. 

Sin causes our thoughts and feelings to deceive us about who we are.

Philosophy is one of the fastest ways to an unhealthy pride in oneself that I know of. It made me feel like I didn’t need God. My identity became wrapped up in my philosophical ability. 

Of course, I was naive about approaching philosophy, which is perhaps why it became so dangerous. I am certain many others approach philosophy in a very healthy way and thus have no qualms about using it. Today, I can say that there is no reason to be afraid of philosophy if one can see it as the tool it is. But, if we use it as the standard by which we make decisions and judgments, that is where it can cause damage to mental health. 

Human knowledge does not equal divine wisdom. 

Fast forward a couple of years and my mental health was declining. Jordan Peterson describes it as a sort of “sickness of the spirit.” I suspect there were other factors involved too, but I am sure that at least part of the reason was that my expectations about life did not match up with my hopes. 

Why wasn’t philosophy “working” for me? Why weren’t those feelings of superior knowledge manifesting in a better life? 

In fact, they’d only led me to a place where I was no longer searching for meaning and thus was simply unhappy. Philosophical thinking hadn’t improved my life, instead it seemed to weaken it. At the time, I could not understand why. 

Thankfully, God didn’t let me forget Him. I looked for the people who were happy, desperate for something to help ease my mental suffering. I tried to learn from them. In talking to Jesus-following believers, God challenged me to seek the whole truth found in Him, not just parts of the truth that philosophy grasps for. That’s when I discovered the truest thing I could find in this world; a deep, meaningful relationship that He wants to have with each one of us. 

It wasn’t logic-centered, it wasn’t calculated. It was messy and beautiful and scary and wonderful. The truth was more like relationship and art and less like philosophy and logic than I ever imagined.  

“Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?” (1 Corinthians 1:20).

All my philosophical beliefs crumbled under the authority of God in this one brutal, beautiful verse.  

Indeed, God made all the most advanced, complex brilliance of human knowledge foolish when it comes to understanding His Kingdom. Whereas philosophy locks us into something rigidly, relationship with God frees us. “Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom” (2 Corinthians 3:17). 

No one can be happy if they aren’t free. We were created to have free will, and to make our own choices about what we believe. We must take special care when considering any religion, ideology, or theory–it will affect our very souls and our psychological well being. 

The wisdom of the world is opposite to the wisdom of God.

Jesus Himself delighted in the simplicity of the Gospel in Luke 10: “At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this is what you were pleased to do . . .’” (Luke 10:21).

He makes it possible to understand who He really is whether you can wield human logic or not. He desires relationship with each precious soul in a profoundly personal way. Who or what others tell you He is shouldn’t matter more than who He has revealed Himself to you to be. God can reach us through any means, including human understanding and logic, but that is certainly not the only way. If that was the case only the smartest people in the world would be able to find Him and know Him. He ensured that little children can know Him too. The pursuit of intellect for its own sake will not bring us closer to Him. The pursuit of Him will always lead us to Him.  

How beautiful and fair and just God is! He gives us all an equal chance to have a relationship with Him. In Him, there is no class or status or ranks. Only love and our choice to love Him as He already first loved and loves and will love us. 

God wants us to know Him. 

Whereas a reliance on philosophy to tell us what’s true will leave our souls wanting, God restores our souls. He gives us life breath. He calls us into our true identity in Jesus Christ. He sends the comforter and friend, the Holy Spirit, to be with us and to fill us so we can stand firm in faith in the face of trials.  

If you’re wrestling with existential questions right now, you are not alone. But take heart that your wrestle shows that you are well on your way to finding the peace of God that transcends all understanding (Philippians 4:7). 

I would invite you to take a moment to reflect on what God might be communicating to you through the question you are asking. What is He is up to in our souls when we have these questions? How can we bring our felt experience into better alignment with the greatest hopes you have, in the fullness of God, in abundant life?  

During this Holy Week, behold His vast complexity, love and beauty. He has given us the capacity to sense deeply when our experience doesn’t match with our hopes or expectations for a reason. It is an invitation to seek God, and He promises that when we do seek Him, we will find Him: “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13).

This Easter weekend, as we remember together that Jesus came, was crucified, and defeated death itself to give us life, let’s remember that He designed our souls to be fulfilled and our minds to be at peace by knowing Him deeply. Yes, even us, the prideful, rebellious, power-seekers that we are. He loves us anyway, just the same. He calls us worth dying for, He calls us His, He calls us family. Nothing can separate us from God’s love in Christ (Romans 8:39). Rely on the love and sacrifice Jesus made for you today. Seek to know Him more every day; it’s worth it. He is life itself, He is beyond every belief, He is everything. 

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is the Lord. For he will be like a tree planted by the water that extends its roots by a stream and will not fear when heat comes, its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit” (Jeremiah 17:7-8). 

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The Spiritual Disciplines: Solitude

For many of us, as we continue to practice social distancing to slow the global pandemic, solitude may be on our minds now more than ever. 

I am currently on Day 11 of self quarantine. I work from home, so the quarantine has not changed my lifestyle that much. However, the spiritual practice of solitude has come into sharper focus for me. In wanting to use this time well and in a healthier place than the uncertain climate might try to dictate, I’ve been asking questions like, “How did Jesus practice solitude, and what does practicing solitude look like for us today?” Because, let’s be real, not many of us can just go walk up a mountain like He did.   

Before getting into it, I think it’s important to note that the spiritual discipline of solitude is not the same as simply “being alone.” Just because you are in quarantine or are isolated in your home doesn’t necessarily mean you are practicing solitude. Solitude is actually about fellowship, and it takes resolve (Mark 1:35), even from Jesus. 

The practice of solitude is about the inner fulfillment and inner peace God has provided. 

Peace is something I for one have been needing to hold on to in these strange days that seem to run together and yet go by slowly. Solitude can heighten our awareness of the peaceful presence of God, and how He is at work in us. Who He is provides, and has already provided, our very fulfillment and peace. It is when we resolve to be there, focus, and connect with Him in solitude that we become aware of it. 

Jesus Himself practiced solitude to draw close to God the Father. In his book, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, John Mark Comer wrote that solitude, or the wilderness in the spiritual sense, was actually a place of great strength for Jesus. Comer argues that solitude in the wilderness was actually a good thing as Jesus was being tempted. 

He was “led by the Spirit into the wilderness” (Luke 4:1), which is important to note. Jesus was deliberately alone during His testing period with Satan. Whereas isolation is commonly known to be a place of weakness for individuals, Jesus showed that being alone can be a place of great strength when He overcame all the temptations put before Him. Perhaps Satan missed something when he agreed to test Jesus alone. 

In solitude, you aren’t actually alone; God is present and communicating with you. 

Jesus knew this. He “often withdrew to lonely places and prayed” (Luke 5:16). Even in solitude, Jesus said He was never alone; in John 16:32 He said, “you…will leave me alone. Yet I am not alone for the Father is with me.”

I’ve wondered why Jesus would need to be alone if that was the case. If He is God and God was with Him, what was so important and why was it necessary for Him to be alone? Couldn’t He focus on God in a crowd just as easily? 

But I think we can easily forget that Jesus was also human. He was susceptible to distraction like us. He was stretched to His physical limits and bombarded by the needs of others around Him. He also came to show us the rhythm of a healthy God-honoring life. That included solitude–withdrawing alone to be with God and no one else. 

Solitude makes us more aware that God provides the spiritual strength needed to endure and overcome.

Comer writes that Jesus valued solitude over sleep, at certain points. Solitude must be truly vital to our souls if Jesus Himself had to practice it! Especially now during self isolation or quarantine, it is the perfect time to practice solitude and incorporate it into our rhythm of life if it’s not already part of our routines.  

Again, solitude is about inner fulfillment. It’s a place where we can slow down enough to recognize where we might be grasping for fulfillment apart from God, and pray for His help to let that go. In solitude, we make time and space to remember that true fulfillment comes from God alone. In that way, solitude is just like worship. 

Solitude is a form of worship.    

The wilderness, or a place of spiritual solitude, is a recurring place in the Bible. It is a place of testing (Psalm 106:14), a place of purification (Mark 1:3-4), and a place of strengthening (Matthew 4:1). In the wilderness, all the focus is on God (Deuteronomy 8:15), and people are sustained by Him, lacking nothing (Nehemiah 9:21). 

Jesus started His ministry by first spending forty days and nights alone in the wilderness. 

The wilderness can be a place of refinement, a place of gaining confidence, even for Jesus. For us it could be a place where we learn patience, trust in God, and dependence on Him. In Matthew 6:6 solitude allows for more exclusive focus on God. Matthew 14:23 shows solitude as a place of concentrated prayer. Again in Mark 1:35 it is an intentional place of great fellowship with God. Solitude can be a wonderful help in our spiritual journey. Yet it, or any spiritual discipline, isn’t the point.  

The point isn’t the spiritual practice itself, the point is connecting in relationship with God. 

Like all spiritual disciplines, solitude is a tool. Doing the practice is not the end goal. Connection with God is. Prayer is. Worship and communication is. But solitude can be a wonderful place, as Jesus demonstrated by withdrawing often to practice it. It doesn’t always have to be seen as the means to an end, although learning and growth for what is next often occur there. God shows us that being where we are, right where we are, is part of the journey of life that He takes us each on. It takes faithfulness on our part now with what we’ve been given in order to advance to the next step of our journey.

Solitude, or your own spiritual wilderness, may be a beginning place for something amazing in your life. Press in. Talk to God about what that might be and what He’s teaching you while you’re in the wilderness. 

Jesus is the whole point of solitude.

I encourage you to press into the discipline of solitude. As the world is on hold, may you use this unique time to draw close to Jesus.

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Compassion and Resting in Jesus

I wasn’t planning to address the current global pandemic, but it’s so heavily on my heart that I have to acknowledge it in some way. I take great care that everything I post here comes from an honest place. If what I write doesn’t feel honest, I don’t post. Period. So please pardon my extra honesty about compassion, which can be brought to any situation or any time. The COVID-19 situation just underlines its importance all the more.  

I want to admit that especially in the face of the world’s current state of uncertainty, I get easily worn out emotionally. I’ve been more moody than usual, as the emotional enneagram type 4 that I am. I’m not scared for myself so much, but my heart breaks for the world, the country, the state, and the people who are most vulnerable right now–including several family members. 

History with MRSA

About fourteen years ago, my family began dealing with a highly contagious bacteria called MRSA, a deadly staph infection. My dad brought it home from the nursing home where he worked. I watched the extreme anxiety of washing, wiping, and disinfecting everything—our sheets, our clothes, our skin—wear heavily on us all, Mom in particular. The infection would seem to be healed for a few weeks, we would start to breathe easier again, but then suddenly, the infection would recur. This happened several times over a series of long, agonizing months. 

With time Dad recovered, and slowly, the black mood lifted as household life returned to normal–but not without scars. I’ve been forced to revisit my scars as the trauma and familiar anxiety of those terrible MRSA months have flooded back to me in the last week or two due to COVID-19, and the emotions simply overwhelm me at times. As then, I pray. I sleep when I can. I wait. Focus on my work becomes harder and more important to my mental health. Staying hopeful becomes an even higher priority.

This is not new for me, but it is for most of the world–the US in particular. As someone who relies heavily on intuition and empathizes deeply with others, it’s been a difficult week, and from what it sounds like, we all have a while to go.  

So how do we cope? What do we do when we have no experience with something this widespread and dangerous but have to face it anyway? For better or worse, I actually have some real-life experience to draw from having gone through a long, terrible fight with a deadly strain of MRSA in my household. 

The only way I’ve found to get through uncertainty of any kind is by resting in the certain love and compassion of Jesus. 

Jesus does not want us to live in a state of heightened anxiety and stress; it’s no way to live, from a physical, spiritual, emotional, or mental health standpoint. In the New Testament, Peter wrote, “[cast] all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you (1 Peter 5:7). Jesus cares about what we’re going through. He offers to do something about our anxieties. He offers to take them upon Himself.

The Compassion of Jesus

Jesus’ compassionate presence is reliable even when nothing else is. Matthew 9:36-38 says, “When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, ‘The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.’” 

What a beautiful picture of compassion! Here Jesus’ heart is clearly with the most vulnerable. Throughout the Bible, God shows His compassionate nature, for example by not abandoning his people in the wilderness after the exodus from Egypt. By rescuing and delivering his people from oppressive enemies. By strengthening and restoring them. Answering them. Sparing them. Forgiving them. Comforting them. Providing for them. Jesus showed compassion in His life on this earth by healing, feeding, giving sight, and teaching the people. 

Jesus then brought the compassionate work of God to a head by making the Way to reconciliation and forgiveness of sins. 

In the midst of MRSA and now in the midst of COVID-19, He assures that through Him, our souls are safe from harm. He brought eternal healing to our mortal souls by His grace, love, and compassion. With that assurance, fear has no place to take hold of us. Jesus was and is the source of my hope, even in “the valley of the shadow of death” (Psalm 23:4). Jesus is worth trusting in. Jesus himself said, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). Friends, let’s take heart together. 

We are not designed to handle such heavy burdens on our own. While we certainly must do what we can to protect ourselves and others, we are not in control, no matter how many times we wash our hands or how carefully we hoard supplies. Only God can handle a burden as heavy as an incurable illness or a global pandemic. He is our true, everlasting place of peace, comfort, and rest. 

Jesus is the only place our weary souls can take a real rest. 

We all have emotions, and they are all valid. However, the way we feel changes constantly and, if you’re anything like me, it’s typically not in line with what is True. We mustn’t allow our emotions to go so far as to replace Truth with hysteria and a general sense of doom. What the world easily forgets, what we must hold onto, is the truth that God’s presence and help is always available to us. 

We always can choose a different point of view in the face of fear when we follow the God of love. 

God gave us the precious ability to choose for ourselves how we live, what we focus our minds on, and how we treat others. We can also show love to ourselves by choosing to think healthy, life-affirming thoughts in line with the Word of God. We can also choose to love our neighbors in creative ways, because God “first loved us” (1 John 4:19). He gives us His love so that we can show love. 

We get to choose where our hope is found, no matter what is going on around us. Friends, I can tell you from experience that putting all hope in disinfecting practices and medical expert advice is shaky ground. By setting our hope first on the saving work of Jesus, we have a firm foundation for and ability to rest. 

Jesus longs for us to draw close to Him. He loves and cares for us more deeply than we can even know. He is always waiting for us with open arms. In the midst of whatever we are going though, He is there and able to handle whatever burdens and pain we bring to His feet.    

Jesus is in the business of restoration and healing. 

He is merciful and just; “our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1). Jesus is working, even when we don’t see it, to heal and restore. That’s just who He is and what He does. 

We don’t have to live in fear because no matter what happens, He will bring restoration and healing in the end thanks to his unending compassion for us. When we practice compassion ourselves, we take part in bringing the Kingdom of God to this earth, the Kingdom that first broke in when Jesus came. 

We can continue His Kingdom work right now, as we abide in His Spirit of compassion. It is through His Spirit that we have the capacity to love and serve. Compassion is the opportunity we have every day and particularly right now. While the world is fearful and hurting, “like sheep without a shepherd,” Jesus invites us to come to Him. Let us find rest in Jesus, the one True Shepherd of souls, and show His love and compassion in whatever ways we can. It will not only help bring healing to others, but it will also aid in our own healing.  

Self Compassion

While compassion is often thought of as being directed toward others, it is equally important to have compassion for ourselves. Particularly as anxieties and fears shudder through us, and as experiences and situations contradict our hope, we must be patient with ourselves. We need to make sure not to skip over giving ourselves the same grace that Jesus has already given us. He knows “we are dust” (Psalm 103:14); we are human beings, and we have weaknesses. That’s okay. For some of us this can be hard to accept, but it’s essential to understand it. 

We won’t be able to accept Jesus’ grace if we cannot grant ourselves enough grace to receive it. 

We must show ourselves the same compassion, kindness, gentleness and patience that we would show to our closest, dearest friend. “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” (Colossians 3:12). This isn’t easy; I am saying this as a reminder to myself too, and am working on this along with you!

I recently read a quote that said, “the ‘little things’ aren’t as little as you think.” How you treat yourself moment by moment, how you talk to yourself, might seem like a small thing in the grand scheme of everything else, but it makes a big difference to show compassion in those in-between moments. Friends, don’t forget to be gentle with yourself. 

While we can’t control what happens, we can control how we respond. Let’s respond with the love and compassion of Jesus, especially towards ourselves, in this difficult time. 

God sees us as worth loving, so we should too! 

God is a God of compassion. He cares for us as a good father cares for the best interests of his own child.  Just as love is a choice, it is also a choice to show compassion toward yourself and others. We are His children through our faith and reliance on the saving work of Jesus. He shows us radical, profound love, grace, and mercy which we can experience fully when we trust Him. 

Jesus had great compassion for people, and by looking at His life on earth we are given an amazing example of what it looks like to practice the art of compassion, for ourselves and others. 

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31-32).

Compassion will run out if our source is not Jesus Himself. 

Our humanity limits the extent to which we, in our own strength, are capable of showing compassion. It is only when we lean on Jesus’ strength and forgiving work that our compassion for others won’t run dry. 

The way of rest and restoration is found only in Jesus, friends. May all the compassion you show inspire others to hope in the promise of healing that Jesus fulfills.

Sometimes disasters help us run into God’s arms all the faster and more fervently. In this season as the world is experiencing disasters of all kinds and we are urged toward social distancing, may we ever draw closer to our compassionate, loving Father. 

“But you are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love” (Nehemiah 9:17).   

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail” (Lamentations 3:22).  


“a bruised reed he will not break, and a smouldering wick he will not quench, until he brings justice to victory; and in his name the Gentiles will hope” (Matthew 12:20-21). 

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The Spiritual Disciplines: Prayer Part II

When it comes to God intervening in our lives, or, “working a miracle,” it can be easy to push the thought aside. After all, there are so many prayers that don’t result in the miracle prayed for; there’s death, loss, illness, and pain all around us, every day in our world. So much so that it can almost sound cruel to talk about miracles. So much so that I hesitate to even write about them. But I’m going to anyway because despite any doubts, God provides reason for genuine hope.   

In Prayer Part I, I shared that prayer is a command, that prayer can be difficult, and that prayer flows with God’s will (and will be answered) when it is done in Spirit and truth. In other words, prayer works when we trust that God hears and responds to requests that align with His loving, healing, merciful, and kind character. In this second post on prayer, I want to highlight the power of praying for a miracle.

Now, maybe you’re asking, “What’s the point of praying for a miracle if God’s going to do what He’s going to do anyway?”

I have asked that question too, and it’s a legitimate question. We’re taught that God is all-powerful, good, and loving. 

Why pray? 

First of all, because God commands it. Philippians 4:6-7 urges us to run to prayer whenever we have a request, or whenever there’s a situation that causes unrest in us. God calls us to thank Him, talk to Him, petition Him, and in turn we can enjoy an unexplainable, wonderous peace, knowing that He is in control, and not us. Also looking at the life of Jesus we see He prayed often, and asked others to pray for Him. If Jesus needed prayer as part of His life, then we certainly do too. 

Second, God hears and responds to prayer. Prayer is a way to communicate with God and build a relationship with Him. He promises in the Bible over and over again that He hears us; here’s just one example: “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him” (1 John 5:14-15).  

“Wait up,” you might be thinking, “we have what we asked of him? What about all the pain and death and suffering mentioned earlier?! I’ve prayed for a lot of that stuff to be taken away and it hasn’t. It’s not as simple as that, and you know it!” 

Exactly right, astute reader. While we don’t have all the answers to why God allows pain, illness, or tragedy to strike, we know that ultimately, because of who He is, all of that WILL be taken away. Maybe not right now, but God asks us to keep faith that He, as the ultimate Healer, will heal all. And sometimes, He does heal right NOW, according to His will. That’s what we call a miracle.

So, we pray because God brings about His own will on earth through our prayers! That’s just how He wanted it. He is not a dictator who acts without anyone’s consent. He invites us to participate with him in doing His will through prayer. All he asks is to have faith that He will do what we ask.

Prayer requires faith. 

When I needed to see a miracle most in my life, I had no faith. Five years ago, I lost touch with God entirely, and there wasn’t a drop of joy left in my soul when I got a call at work. Mom, who was suffering from severe depression, was in critical condition in the ER. That news, on top of the vast emptiness already gnawing me from the inside out, was just too much. 

I don’t remember much besides hyperventilating, pacing, crying, and screaming to God that it wasn’t fair and she didn’t deserve this. After five long, excruciating hours of waiting in the ER, we were brought into a room with the doctor, who offered no hope that Mom would live. 

I started shaking and my mind was just a blur. 

The anxieties and fears of my heart and mind, though all-consuming, were not too big for God. 

Despite my utter lack of faith at that point in my life, I witnessed dozens and dozens of people pouring into that ER waiting room to pray for Mom. I felt numb, just going through the motions of praying because I didn’t know what else to do.

Still, I was stunned at the fervency and faith by which these many strangers prayed aloud for Mom. They were asking for the unthinkable; a miracle. These strangers knew what I didn’t yet know, 

God partners with our faith in prayer.

He works powerfully through our faith in who He is and what He does. My own soul longed to participate in this beautiful phenomenon. I witnessed it that night from the outside, jealous of the faith that I saw pouring out of these generous stranger souls. No effort of my own will could muster up faith in the moment I needed it. I had to rely on others’ faith for this miracle. 

Prayer makes a difference. However, please don’t misunderstand; prayer is powerful because of God’s power, not our own. Again, it’s our faith that makes a difference. I think this is what Jesus meant when He said faith moves mountains (Matthew 17:20).  

2 Corinthians 1:9-11 talks about the power of prayer, “Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.”

Through the experience of that terrifying night, I learned that prayer has the power to bring someone from the door of death to deliverance. The “prayers of many” made a difference for Mom. The next day she awoke, and was taken off her ventilator. She came home from the hospital about six weeks later. She made a truly miraculous, full recovery and today is doing better mentally and emotionally than ever before. 

Just as God delivered Paul from this dire situation of deadly peril, God delivered Mom, and brought her from death to life. Even the doctors admitted that it was a “miracle” that she had not only survived, but suffered no lasting damage.

Prayer is powerful. 

Since seeing Mom’s miracle, my faith grew. My ability to believe in prayer was restored, and today I fully believe in healing miracles. It was a process, not an instant jolt of faith, but I couldn’t deny seeing first hand that God is able. I no longer take for granted that I get to take part of God’s healing work on earth through prayer. If you need to see a miracle of healing, take heart! Seek God and He promises you will find Him. “He will respond to the prayer of the destitute; he will not despise their plea” (Psalm 102:17).

He is looking for us to have confidence in Him, and the character He has revealed to us as life-giver, healer, and redeemer. And that’s exactly what a mighty prayer army that came out of nowhere did for Mom and our family, right there in the ER waiting room.

God is a God of miracles.

If you have read this post, know that you’ve already been prayed for. God hears you. Please send me an email if you have specific prayer requests; I’d love to pray for you. 

“‘Have faith in God,’ Jesus answered. ‘Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, “Go, throw yourself into the sea,” and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours” (Mark 11:22-24).

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Perspective of Celebration

My one flowering plant that I’ve had since last February is budding (miraculous that it’s still alive to begin with, because I have killed every other indoor plant I’ve owned!). I see shoots popping out of the earth along my neighborhood walkways. I hear birds chirping in more cheerful and distinctive melodies. Spring has recently come to be my favorite season because of its beautiful, far-reaching reminder of renewed life. I’ll take almost any excuse to celebrate and get my mind on something positive. My birthday is in February, which I like to celebrate all month long. Taking on a spirit of celebration really helps me work out my case of the winter funk.

Expected Celebration

The oldest book of the Bible, Job, mentions that Job’s children celebrated their birthdays with a feast: “His sons used to hold feasts in their homes on their birthdays, and they would invite their three sisters to eat and drink with them” (Job 1:4). In ancient culture, many other times of celebration were marked by feasts as well (eg: Numbers 10:10). Feasts often involved rejoicing, rest, and joy (eg: Esther 9).   

To me, birthdays are the easiest time to celebrate life in the current, Western world I live in. It’s somewhat expected that birthdays are something to celebrate, even as an adult. Every year around my birthday I take some time to marvel at the fact that I’m still alive. I mean that in all seriousness. I stop to appreciate the hardships I’ve endured and the times I wanted to give up. It helps me to practice this grateful posture to God for my life. I also go through this same process for the birthdays of people close to me. It’s especially easy and expected to celebrate when our life circumstances have improved from what they once were.  

Soon after one of their feasts, Job’s children were killed. When Job heard this news, he mourned, to be sure; yet he didn’t cease to rejoice in the Lord. Instead, “he fell to the ground in worship and said: ‘Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.’ In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.” (Job 1:20-22). What an amazing response to devastating news! 

Unexpected Celebration

It’s easy to celebrate and rejoice in God when we focus on the blessings in life–health, a place to live, food to eat, a job, a family, good friends, etc. But to rejoice in the face of death, suffering, and heartache? What a feat it is to put deep pain aside and rejoice in God’s presence and faithfulness to us, as Job did. This is not a natural human response, it takes some intention and some serious reliance on the Goodness of God. This difficult task is in fact a command:

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:4-7).  

In every situation. Even to the point of loneliness, lack of love, false accusations. Even to the point of losing our reputation. Even to the point of loved ones being killed. Rejoice. This takes strength that only God can give us. Humans are easily broken down. Our human nature is weak in resolve and fickle in loyalty. But God’s strength is steadfast; leaning on Him, we can endure suffering and still rejoice in the face of it.  

In the few times I have been able to rejoice in the midst of pain, I do remember feeling immediately put at ease. It was like the “peace of God, which transcends all understanding” had come and put thick earmuffs on me while a piercing siren was roaring in my ears. I could still hear the siren, but the sound no longer had all of my attention. God’s mercy and nearness had more of it. It might feel odd or nonsensical, but rejoicing while in pain can make all the difference. Obedience to God is always rewarded. 

Suffering and Death 

Looking at the story of suffering Jesus went through in the Gospels, He still had hope even on the cross. Through all the mocking and abuse He endured, He never ceased to honor the relationship He had with the Father. Though He asked for the burden of death and suffering on the cross to be taken from Him, He still had deep joy going through with it because He was doing the Father’s will. Like Job, Jesus also gives us the example of rejoicing in the Lord, no matter the circumstance. 

Rejoicing and celebration can be a sign of faith. Faith that God is there, that He is working when we can’t see, gives us cause to celebrate, no matter what we are going through. 

I’ve been reading about Abraham and Sarah this week. When the presence of God visits their tent, God responds to Sarah’s disbelief in His words that she will have a son in her old age (around 90). Her womb was as good as dead in her eyes. She laughs at God’s words, but He asks, “Is anything too hard for the Lord?” (Genesis 18:14). 

God brings life even when we only see death 

We must have faith that winter will turn into spring. That life will be renewed. Friends, we cannot allow our hope to die. If you’re longing for faith but can’t find it right now, know that God can help you as you are; don’t give up hope. If you’re longing for God’s presence but feel nothing, know that God is already there with you; don’t give up hope. If you’re longing for love, know that God already loves you more than you can imagine; don’t give up hope. You can be open to receive His love when you are ready, and He is patient with your process. 

God has given us every reason to rejoice, to celebrate, to be full of joy regardless of our circumstances. At all times. In every situation. He is the life-giver; that’s just what He does and who He is. If your hopes have died, if your heart has stopped loving, if your needs aren’t being met, know that Jesus is the restorer of life. He has met your every need already. He has done the work, so that all we need to do is celebrate. 

Celebration Eternal

Even if winter never ends, and if we don’t see the sun shining again, we have no excuse! Yes, the things around us often affect our mood in the moment, but we must not let that change our eternal perspective on what matters most. No, celebration when things are going wrong doesn’t make sense. But God asks us to rejoice always. His ways don’t make “sense” or go along with our feelings all the time. Our faith in Him is all He asks of us, and that involves rejoicing because of who He is.    

The day is coming when God will dwell with us in the new earth. We will be eternal with Him, and will glorify Him in all we do. We won’t need to guess or mess up at it anymore. We will rejoice and celebrate and be glad, with no more tears. When we can celebrate on this earth in this life, we can enter into that eternity now. When Jesus came, heaven broke into earth and God’s presence is still here and available to us now because of Jesus through the Holy Spirit. In times of celebration, we can both live in and get a glimpse of the eternity God is preparing for us. Let’s not miss the chance we have to celebrate here and now!

May we celebrate the life found only in Jesus, on our birthdays, and every day we have His breath in our lungs. 

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2-4).

“Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready” (Revelation 19:7).

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Dealing with Pride

“what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do” (Romans 7:15). Recently I found myself in a situation where I chose to sin. Of course, this was just one of the many times this has happened. Willfully sinning is really confusing, and more people need to talk about this; it messes with any feelings of pride in myself.    

When I don’t feel right with myself, it’s difficult to keep hold of what’s true. My mind starts to crowd with these lies of how God is disappointed in me, is distant from me, and wants nothing to do with me anymore. How maybe my identity in Him was all just something I made up in my mind. This is really not okay. 

In the midst of this pride-shattering moment, it became quite impossible for me to imagine that He could love me in spite of sin, and yet He does. In fact, He does just the same as if I had never sinned even once. Amazing grace, indeed. So amazing, in fact, that it can be difficult to accept at all.  

Pride

I, like pretty much everybody, sinned against God simply because I wanted to do what I wanted to do. The sin of pride is and can be a wake-up call to look at and watch more carefully what goes on in our hearts and souls. My conscience was firing, my soul needed to get right with God again, and I had to confess my sin. I needed to repent all over again. After wrestling with the fact that I had followed sin instead of God, I realized that I was getting too comfortable. In my pride, my thought was actually that I was close to being past willful sin; but the Bible says that “no one may boast before Him” (1 Corinthians 1:29). 

Even after I repented, I felt it wasn’t enough. I was still upset with myself. God had forgiven me, but I hadn’t been able to forgive myself. Friends, that is pride in a sneaky form. Instead of fully accepting God’s love and forgiveness, I was trying to shoulder the burden of sin myself. In withholding forgiveness for ourselves like I did, we actually think there’s something more we can do to make up for it. In not surrendering fully to God’s forgiveness, we try to take this sin of ours into our own hands. This is pride. 

This is a complicated subject, so don’t mistake my meaning; what we do in our lives–does matter. Sin matters. One of the fruits of the Spirit is love. Jesus said, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35). We are certainly meant to live in a way that follows the Way of Jesus, who was sinless. In James, actions are called “works”: “You see that a person is justified by works and not by faith alone” (James 2:24). Faith comes first, for actions flow from faith–the fruit of our lives, but what we do and what we choose, matters. However, nothing we do can make up for our sin.    

Sin 

Jesus paid it all for us. It is prideful to try to make up for it in any other way besides how He calls us to–to leave our life of sin. 

Willful sins torture the conscience of those committed to the Way of Jesus. They still can creep up on us, as we are still here on the fallen earth. We still are made of dust. We have one foot here and one readied for the age to come. We have been set free from sin by Jesus, but at any moment we can choose to step outside God’s will to do our own will and sin against Him. 

Sometimes the only way to know what sin is, is because of what the Bible says. My own thoughts and feelings change constantly. My moral compass was shattered at the Fall. It’s hard to know the Truth about many things, and it can appear as though every person has their own version of truth. But actually this cultural catchphrase “live your truth” or “follow your truth” is saying that everyone has their own beliefs about what the truth is. Beliefs do not change the Truth.  

Of course, what we believe is important; for more on that see my post How Belief is Our Most Powerful Tool. But I am saying that believing something doesn’t make it so. 

Hope for self-hate

I debated whether to mention self-hate, but just like willful sin, I feel that it needs to be addressed if we’re talking about a life lived in freedom. Self hate; that point at which I mess up and I’m just disgusted with myself and how miserably I failed to fear God…yep, that was my week. Self-hate is a very real thing and I wanted to share that I experience this because I don’t think I’m the only one. I’m here to say that there is still hope, even in a place of self-hate.

Yes, we sin. But that just gives us another opportunity to talk to God. Another reason to repent, to put our faith in God all over again, and process what went wrong with Him. To let Him make something good grow in us that maybe wasn’t developed yet. Or even to weed out something that no longer needs to be there. He gives us all fresh opportunities to work through our sins with Him, confess them, and let them go thanks to Jesus’ sacrifice. Praise God that “his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning…” (Lamentations 3:22-23). Yes, you will sin, but there is always mercy available to you in Christ Jesus our King. There is hope because “a person is not justified by works of the law but through faith in Jesus Christ” (Galatians 2:16). Sin no longer has the last word over us, because Christ made a way.  

Where our hearts lie can be seen through the fruit of our lives, but there is nothing you can do to separate you from the love of God (Romans 38:38-39). He longs to be chosen by us. He longs to be allowed into our hearts. He makes all things new (Revelation 12:5). Even sin. Even self-hate. Even the pride we struggle to let go of. 

Humility

God is working on my ego in this, my latest particular experience with sin. Ironically, this is actually something I asked Him to do; I prayed that I wanted my ego to be eliminated, kaput, bye-bye. Be careful what you pray for! I believe that my failed test is helping my prayer to be answered. This experience exposed my pride and revealed beyond a doubt that I am no better than anyone else. That it’s all Him, it’s none of me. No amount of hard work, self-determination, sense of righteousness, or even how close I “felt” to God lately makes me a good person in the slightest. Only God is Good (Mark 10:18; Luke 18:19). None of that stuff can save me or you from sin. Only Jesus can do that, so that no one may boast. Only Jesus. 

Thanks be to God.

If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness (2 Corinthians 11:30).

May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world (Galatians 6:14). 

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3 Things to Keep in Mind During the Holidays

Honestly, I haven’t been in a very thankful mood lately, even though Thanksgiving was just last week. For me, Thanksgiving kicks off the holiday season, which tends to come with a lot of responsibilities. All of a sudden, my mind is always on the next thing and in that state it’s difficult to appreciate what I already have, or what it is I’ve been able to accomplish. Instead, I tend to rush right into the next thing without a pause to enjoy the moment, or the people around me. 

Also, maybe you’re like me and right around Thanksgiving you start taking inventory of the year and your life in general. A new year isn’t far ahead, and the days are short–and broodingly dark. Perhaps you start thinking about how your year has gone and the highs and the lows you’ve experienced. You start the annual process of pinpointing what you’re most thankful for and try to focus on the positive. 

This Thanksgiving, with not just a new year but a new decade approaching, it was just hard for me to get into a grateful mood. I kept thinking about all the things I have left to do before the new year starts. Anxiety and overwhelm set in and wouldn’t budge. Meanwhile I had about 20 things on my to-do list waiting. 

Even so, I thought, “What is wrong with me? Why am I feeling like such a grinch; I mean it’s not even Christmas time yet?” 

My attitude made me–not really ungrateful–but calculated and choreographed, generally stressed and distracted. Dare I say it but I believe it’s impossible to enjoy the holiday or to love people around us in this state. Thankfully (pun intended), there is a better way. In hindsight, I discovered there are three things I could have prioritized above all the items on my to-do list that could have helped to make this holiday better and less stressful. I wanted to share these things with you hoping that they might help make the holidays still yet to come a little brighter.  

1. Being present requires slowing down. 

This sounds so simple, and it is. But it’s difficult to put into practice, especially in a busy season like the holiday season. We all want to be present. We all want to love the people around us well. We all want to enjoy the moments we have. However, the first step to doing that is to actually slow down. So, instead of tackling the next thing on my to-do list with the mindset of just getting to the “good part” of being done, I could have stopped to appreciate what I had already accomplished. Given myself a high five. Made some tea and enjoyed the moment for just 10 minutes. Then, back in touch with the present, maybe then I could start on that next line item. The trick though is to focus on what’s good right now. How often do we do this in the rest of the year? Maybe it’s fairly easy for most of my enneagram type 1s out there, but for me, it’s a struggle to stay present. Friends, it’s worth whatever it takes for you to slow down so that being present is possible. 


2. Prayer is more important than preparation. 

Though preparation for the holiday–cooking, cleaning, gift buying and wrapping, card sending, shopping, etc. can easily take top importance in our minds, prayer can’t be an afterthought. I mean, it can, but that’s what we want to avoid. Prayer often gets bumped down to the very end of the day when I’m too tired to have an honest, healing, helpful conversation with God. This happened to me big time this Thanksgiving; full disclosure. I tried to just push through and get to the part where I could enjoy the holiday, only to find I was so stressed and emotions had been so bottled up, that I struggled to enjoy it. And the worst part was that God felt far away, because I hadn’t been prioritizing prayer. Friends, prayer is the most important thing, in every season. All the preparation in the world, the best food, the best gifts, the cleanest house–it doesn’t mean anything. Connecting with God is everything. Prayer can give rest to a weary soul, and can restore a hurried heart. All of life flows from prayer. Don’t bump prayer for anything else; it’s the lifeline we need. 

3. There are consequences for going on your own strength. 

Jeremiah warns that there are consequences for not turning to the Lord, and His will. I didn’t go on my own strength intentionally; it just happened. I pressed forward in what seemingly needed to be done. Why did I need to pray about going to the market to buy green beans? Oh, but I did ya’ll. Trying to get through on my own strength had a tremendous cost. One day instead of doing what I had planned, I was feeling so down and dark emotionally from the weight of obligation that all I could do was go find a quiet place outdoors to walk and talk to God. I had no strength left anymore to go on my own. There was a cost, a consequence, of not turning to the Lord first. There is significance in giving the Lord everything in our lives, down to the last green bean. Instead of waiting for a meltdown, dealing with life could have been easier if I had given each task over to the Lord in prayer before proceeding. Also I could have given them to God before saying yes to them in the first place. Did I really need to be doing this or that thing? Was it truly my job to do? Instead of asking these things, I had tried to just go forward and handle everything on my own. God warned me of the consequences when I read the passage from Jeremiah a couple of weeks ago. But I didn’t truly get it until after my walk and talk with God. It was so obvious, too; an, “Oh, that’s what He was talking about!” moment. Hindsight–it’s a great teacher.

Friends, for this holiday and all those to come, may we all slow down and walk at the pace Jesus modeled for us–taking the time to truly see one another, choosing what is best, and being present with Him as He is present with us. 

Luke 10:40-42: “But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’

‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’”

Further suggested reading: Garden City by John Mark Comer; The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer; To Hell with the Hustle by Jefferson Bethke

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Repentance

Turning back to God didn’t happen just once for the Israelites, and it certainly didn’t happen just once for me. In my own life, I’ve turned back to Him more times than I can count, sometimes multiple times in a day. However, one time in particular was the start of a big change in my life. Admitting we are wrong isn’t easy. Yet in a sense, it is exactly what repentance, and in fact Christianity, calls for.  

When I discovered this, I didn’t like it at all. It made so much more sense to me that I was fine just the way I was. That sin wasn’t a big deal to be ashamed of but something we learn to cope with. That I wouldn’t really be held responsible for sin, especially the inherited kind that I had no control over. Following this logic, it was easy to lose ground with faith, and I slipped further and further away from the truth of what God’s Word actually says about sin. After losing my faith entirely, living my own way, and believing these “comfortable” things for several years, repentance from sin as the Bible describes it finally became real to me.  

One of my favorite verses in Scripture now is Romans 2:4, “...God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance.” While I was fully convinced of the merits of not believing in sin or God, He reached into my life and showed kindness so undeniable that I couldn’t ignore it or explain it away. When I realized that it really was God’s kindness, not some happy accident or coincidence, it changed something in my heart.

On the path of losing my faith, my heart had gone through a number of phases toward God; I became skeptical, then callous, then arrogant, cold, and unloving. I had been awful to God if He truly was real. I had denied Him. Yet, even still, God showed me kindness. Despite how awful I was to Him, His kindness was the only thing that finally warmed my cold heart. Only a few months later I truly wanted to repent, to turn everything in my life around and trust God instead. It all started with His kindness. His kindness led me off the path of faithlessness and onto a new path of true repentance.

God’s kindness can reach beyond all intellectual and emotional barriers. 

The call to repent really intensified shortly before Jesus’ three years of ministry when John the Baptist began preaching, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near” (Matthew 3:2). After John was put into prison, Jesus moved to Capernaum and “From that time on Jesus began to preach, ‘Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near’” (Matthew 4:17). These two major figures of the Bible both had the same core message! So, what is so important about repentance?  

Repentance comes up quite a bit in Scripture. It is associated with baptism and life. In trying to Biblically define repentance, I found that it is to allow oneself to be corrected (Jeremiah 5:3, Revelation 2:21), to realize and turn from wickedness (Jeremiah 8:6), to turn from idols and renounce all detestable practices (Ezekiel 14:6), to turn away from all our offenses (Ezekiel 18:30), to (re)turn to God (1 Samuel 7:2b-3, Hosea 14:1, Acts 3:19, Acts 26:20), and to produce [spiritual] fruit (Matthew 3:8, Luke 3:8); it involves faith in God (Matthew 21:32, Mark 1:15, Acts 20:21), it is a command to all people everywhere (Acts 17:30), it involves Godly sorrow (2 Corinthians 7:9-10), it involves and is done in relation to sin (John 1:28, 2 Corinthians 12:21), it involves recognition of the truth (2 Timothy 2:25), it is something God wants for everyone (2 Peter 3:9), it is a sort of waking up (Revelation 3:3), and it can result from God’s love, discipline, rebuke (Revelation 3:19), and kindness (Romans 2:4). 

God wants nothing more than for us all to repent. When we do, it unlocks our hearts to be open to receive His promises, His gifts of the Spirit, and His presence. He longs to be close to us. When I chose to keep Him away in my own life, I fell into the sin of idolatry, among others. God’s very first commandment to the Isrealites is to have no other gods before [Him] (Exodus 20:3). While I don’t recall having any golden statues in my house to worship, for me, idolatry came in the form of putting other things before God. The prophet Samuel spoke to the Isrealites about this;

“Then all the people of Israel turned back to the Lord. So Samuel said to all the Israelites, ‘If you are returning to the Lord with all your hearts, then rid yourselves of the foreign gods and the Ashtoreths and commit yourselves to the Lord and serve him only, and he will deliver you out of the hand of the Philistines’” (1 Samuel 7:2b-3).

This Old Testament passage speaks not only of repentance but idolatry, of putting other gods in place of the one true living God. He wants nothing to come between Him and any one of us. He wants our hearts to be committed to Him. 

I had gotten lost in the prevalent explanations that society offers: we all make our own truth, there is no one absolute truth, all you need to do is be a good person, you don’t need to feel ashamed of anything about yourself, there are no eternal consequences for anything, and there is nothing after we die. 

These lies became idols in my life. 

I had adopted them and they became louder in my mind than God’s still, small voice. I was trying to live out this new philosophy of life where I had landed, but I was still miserable. I was even more miserable than I had been when I wasn’t sure of whether or not God was real. It was all too much and I just became numb. It was a dark, confusing, and exhausting time. If you know someone going through a time like this, please check out my post, “10 Ways to Help Someone Struggling with Faith.” Friends, it is so easy to latch onto lies the world tells us; they usually sound good and fair on the surface. However, we must test everything against the truth in the Word of God. It points us back to the truth about ourselves, and to Jesus, who is our hope. 

God keeps His promises. He promised salvation, and He keeps that promise through Jesus and the baptism of the Holy Spirit. 

Repentance leads to receiving God’s promise of deliverance from sin through Jesus Christ.  

God reached out to me even when my mind and heart were closed to Him, when the misery became too much to bear. It was wonderful, amazing grace. This miracle still astounds me. I finally knew without a doubt that God is real, but I couldn’t go back to all the same beliefs I had about God before. Some of those beliefs still needed to be changed, because they weren’t all true. Even though I had repented, I still had to rethink everything all over again. All I knew was that He is real; I had to just start there. I had lied to myself for so long it was hard to know the truth, but I craved it. The fact that I knew He was real meant I couldn’t trust atheist or agnostic sources anymore. He led me right back to the Bible for answers, a Book that I hadn’t trusted in a long time. But I trusted that God was real, so I gave it another chance.

It was a process to understand sin, and how it had cut me off from relationship with God, and that I had gone my own way because of it. I had repented, but then later after seeking truth I finally understood. “‘After I strayed, I repented; after I came to understand, I beat my breast. I was ashamed and humiliated because I bore the disgrace of my youth’” (Jeremiah 31:19). We need both repentance and understanding to sustain us in our faith. I had to come to face the worst of it which was finally clear to me; I’d KNOWN God and STILL walked away from Him! Maybe some of you can relate to this story. Even still, all God asks is for us to trust Him enough to repent. Through repentance–turning from sin and relying on the salvation Jesus offers each one of us–He promises us restoration back to Himself.   

I pray that you can learn from my mistake: you don’t have to walk away from God like I did for your faith to be renewed and strengthened! By seeking Him and the truth about Him, you can know He is real now, you can know He loves you now, you can know His intentions for you were always good. “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13). Yes, sin crept into humanity at the start and bad things happen. Being a good person isn’t enough to conquer sin and death; only Jesus can do that for us. With repentance comes restoration. “Therefore this is what the Lord says: ‘If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me; if you utter worthy, not worthless, words, you will be my spokesman. Let this people turn to you, but you must not turn to them’” (Jeremiah 15:19). There is always hope.

God longs to restore us to walk with Him as He originally intended in the Garden.

Yes, true repentance will cost everything in your life. To fully trust God and walk in repentance, we must let our own logic about what is right for us die and surrender our lives to His way, “Then [Jesus] said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23). The cost is great, but it’s well worth it. God’s way is better than anything we could dream up for ourselves. I’ve never met a single Christian who was sorry they made the choice to follow Jesus.

When repentance and understanding came, the nagging sense of meaninglessness and numbness in my life disappeared. I accepted the truth the Word offers about my own sin, that it is in fact a barrier to relationship with God. Jesus brought justice where I didn’t deserve justice. He loved me when I didn’t love Him. He made a way for me even after I closed the door of my heart to Him. 

No one is too far from His love to be found by Him. 

After I repented and accepted Jesus’ gift of life for me, I couldn’t just go on as I had been going. My life dramatically changed. I started attending church again. I made Christian friends and sought their counsel. I prayed as much as I could because prayer had been restored to me, right along with my life. I had a reason to live again, and to glorify Him in everything. I’m sure my family would tell you I cried less tears.

Change is evidence of true repentance. 

I am still learning and definitely still do things that are wrong. I still need to repent of those things. However, everything changed when I repented of the way I was living and believing. At that moment, change really began. My faith in God is now growing all the time where before it was dead. God restored my ruined life and handed it back to me miraculously whole again. 

Eternal life begins now when we repent, we don’t have to wait until after we die to begin living it! Jesus has truly restored all things, including a life where I can find joy despite the pain this life can bring. It all starts with repentance. May we all be quick to repent and turn to the Lord.

“‘This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: ‘In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength…” (Isaiah 30:15a)

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The Spiritual Disciplines: Prayer Part I

Prayer can sometimes be easy, but for me it’s incredibly difficult at times too. Jesus commanded us to pray (Matthew 5:44, 26:41). He even tells us how to pray (Matthew 6:6-7, 6:9), yet it can still elude us. Distractions of all kinds can so easily get in the way of communicating with God and truly acknowledging His presence. For me it usually takes intention and wholehearted attention to pray, which our fast-paced and often hurried culture does not easily accommodate in our schedules. Prayer is counter-cultural.

I find it fascinating how Jesus completely changed the way prayer was seen and practiced in the culture. He made it go from being something only done in the temple to actually making it go mobile with every believer. This shift happened so long ago in such a different culture that it’s easy to take it for granted, but keeping this in mind has been very helpful to me in thinking about prayer lately. Let’s dive into prayer a bit further, shall we?  

Struggling with Prayer 

For several years of my adult life, I couldn’t pray. Praying was something I had done ever since I can remember growing up. I would pray almost every night and found the prayers prayed in church such as the Lord’s Prayer and the Apostle’s Creed beautiful and meaningful at a young age. Fast forward and I began following my own way, without consulting the Lord much beyond asking, “please help this thing I want to happen work out.” When I got around to praying, the only way I can describe the experience is that my prayers “bounced back.” Like sending an undeliverable email. My words went nowhere and seemed ridiculous as they reverberated back to me. Looking back now, I realize my heart wasn’t in those prayers because I didn’t trust God and wasn’t interested in learning His will. I only thought about my own. At the time though I just didn’t understand; God should hear my prayers no matter what, right?

Digging a bit further in the Bible, I’m not the only one who has felt like their prayers weren’t heard. David wrote, “...my prayers returned to me unanswered…” (Psalm 35:13). Sounds very familiar. But instead of pressing in and seeking God out, I walked away. I stopped trying to pray altogether. I hadn’t embraced the Spirit or the Truth (John 4:23) that is essential for aligning with His will, and again all I was really doing was asking for my own will to work out. I got so far down my own path that it took awhile for me to become open to being found by Him again after getting away from the Truth. When I finally realized I was surrounded by His kindness and mercy, that He never had and never will give up on me, I was simply in awe.  Suddenly, I really, REALLY wanted to talk to God. I became keenly curious about my problems with prayer and started to seek answers.

A Brief History of Prayer 

I’ve freshly rediscovered that prayer used to be associated with a physical location in Jewish culture. The temple in Jerusalem was thought to be the only proper place to pray because it housed the presence of God. Think about that for just a moment: there was a time when people had to travel to a specific place to talk to God! How much worse would traffic be today, am I right? Jesus ushered in a new age of prayer by sending the Holy Spirit to us. The temple of God no longer confined to a physical place, He now dwells within every believer. Jesus gave us the ability to pray from anywhere. We ourselves collectively embody the temple of God, and can now pray anywhere we go, for the Holy Spirit goes with us! 

When Jesus spoke with a Samaritan woman at Jacob’s well, He explained this, “...a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem” (John 4:21). Jesus told her about the change in our human interaction with God to be brought about by the Holy Spirit, “the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth” (John 4:23b-24). 

I believe this is the key to the prayer woes I described. I crowded the Holy Spirit out, so how could I be “in the Spirit?” I didn’t trust Him because I didn’t know Him well enough. I didn’t understand the nature of or the history of humanity’s connection to God. And consequently, I didn’t know the Truth about who Jesus is. But God didn’t give up on me, and if you feel this way today, know He hasn’t given up on you either. He can lead us out of the worst despair and into a new place cognitively and emotionally where we can trust Him. Transformation and renewal is possible (Romans 12:2). I know this because prayer miraculously was restored to me, along with many other gifts; joy, hope, peace, and trust, when I fully accepted Jesus.

Paul worked to knit the knowledge of the Holy Spirit into the early church. He spent time writing about the Holy Spirit’s role in the new temple of God within each believer, “Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit” (Ephesians 2:19-21). I find this a beautiful way to paint the church which has been helpful to hold onto in prayer.

Make no mistake, prayer is not always easy for me, even still. I must constantly remind myself of the Truth, and still constantly remind myself of why I trust Him. Reading Scripture that speaks of His character, reading His promises, reminding myself of who He is and the restoration He continually brings as we walk with Him helps strengthen my desire to pray. Again, it takes intention to connect with the One who loves unconditionally. Reminding ourselves of the depth of His love and grace, even while still sinners (Romans 5:8), makes prayer a natural response to this love. Remembering the Truth, and seeing it fresh every day is the tough part. Friends, if you struggle with prayer I encourage you to seek the Spirit and the Truth. It was key for me in finding a prayer life that was more meaningful, powerful, and God-centered instead of me-centered. May we all be restored and refreshed in prayer as we run and endure this race of life. 

Jesus prayed for us 

We can easily rush past this, but our Bibles actually say that Jesus prayed for us. Not only that, He is still currently praying for us! Jesus prayed for every believer while He was living on the earth, “‘My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message” (John 17:20). That’s us, the ones who will believe. And our Bibles also say that in heaven, even today, Jesus continually intercedes for us in prayer, “Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us” (Romans 8:34). How humbling that Jesus is praying for us! What a beautiful promise this is, His love and saving work extending on, far beyond just His time on earth. May we be encouraged to follow Jesus’ example and pray for each other in love. 

For my readers who made it this far and so kindly read my posts, know that I am praying for you. Please send me an email if you have specific prayer requests; I’d love to pray for you. 

Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy that person; for God’s temple is sacred, and you together are that temple (1 Corinthians 3:16-17). 

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The Joy of Dance

I remember having to sit through my younger sister’s dance recital rehearsal while trying to do math problems. At age 11, anything girly made me roll my eyes. However, out of the 50 or 60 dances, one ballet dance in particular caught my attention even among the racy jazz numbers and the snappy tappers. I found myself being drawn in by the teen ballet set to Tchaikovky’s Waltz of the Flowers. 

It carried me off into another world where everything seemed better.

The dancers looked genuinely happy. The number was synchronized, artistic, and when I finally saw the dress rehearsal, the white costumes with pink sashes and pink flowers made it all just too beautiful to deny. If this was what dancing could look like, I finally understood why people wanted to do it. “If only I could do that,” I thought. Could I? I wrestled for a few weeks, and then decided. I almost surprised myself when I told my mom I wanted to begin ballet lessons.  

I held tight to the dream of being able to dance like the girls in Waltz of the Flowers, to move with grace. The first year or two of classes revealed my deep love of dance; I danced every chance I could. But when I started competing, I lost sight of why I loved dance in the first place. At competitions, dance was instead about external validation. The hope dance had given me for a better more beautiful world took a backseat until there wasn’t much joy in dance for me anymore; after three years I resigned from the dance team. I couldn’t quite bear to stop dancing altogether though.

Nine years after I quit competing, I did stop altogether. At 25, I simply couldn’t dance. Not because I physically couldn’t. Any doctor would have said I was physically capable. But spiritually, I had nothing left. Without being aware or intentional about my relationship with God, I hadn’t been following Him. I had been consistently careless with my heart and mind, and that summer it caught up with me like a ton of bricks. That’ll slow anyone down real quick.

I had lost all sight of the Lord.

It happened so gradually that it was hard to notice. By the time I did notice, I had stopped even trying to pray. I wasn’t following God’s commands, which provide joy. “The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart” (Psalm 19:8). My joy had run out, and I felt it. All of a sudden, everything about my life seemed wrong. I had a vague awareness that I had lost something like innocence but at the time I was blind to the Truth of God. I sought the world’s rational, scholarly answers for why this was happening to me. But nothing satisfied. The truth was, my heart hadn’t received true joy, the joy that comes only from God’s grace and love, for quite some time. What I didn’t know then is that joy is a gift I couldn’t work to give myself. 

Joy is a gift from God. 

It took years for me to make sense of it. All I knew at the time was that I had completely lost strength, mentally and spiritually. I didn’t think that had anything to do with God. Even the thought of attending a dance class right across the street, as I had been, was exhausting. I don’t even remember having hope to dance again. Scripture says, “...Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength” (Nehemiah 8:10). However, I was grieving and weak. I was in pain and didn’t know how to escape it. I didn’t know how to come back to God even if I wanted to (I didn’t, and I blamed Him for how I felt). “Joy is gone from our hearts; our dancing has turned to mourning” (Lamentations 5:15). My dancing had indeed turned to mourning; I was lucky just to get out of bed. Having joy was only a distant memory. 

I had no reason to dance anymore.

Thankfully, God is a merciful God. He never stops loving us and He is always waiting for us to repent. He welcomes us back to Him with open arms when we do. He delights in lavishing His gifts upon His children, and by His amazing grace, He restored my joy that was lost. It took years, but eventually I was ready to accept the Truth. In one of my darkest moments, I focused on Truth instead of my own pain, and let go of blaming God. I repented of my sin. Suddenly, I was filled with joy, and I praise God that joy has not left me since. 

About a year later, I slowly started dancing again, taking one class here and another there. I wanted to savor the process this time and to go at my own pace. I was not disappointed. I found that once again, as when I first began to dance, I could express freedom in the movement. I became sensitive again to the beauty and grace of dance that I had fallen in love with at age 11. Dance is an expression of the heart and a wonderful way to express joy. 

Two years ago, I took an opportunity to perform in a ballet. Though I doubt anyone knew it but God, I wanted to perform again as a testament to how far He’s taken me. From the depths of despair to the stage, He stayed with me through it all. 

To express the joy that He restored to me through dance was a gift.

Now I’m in a season of being stirred to dance the way David danced before the Lord, “Wearing a linen ephod, David was dancing before the Lord with all his might,” (2 Samuel 6:14). This year, I’ve had the opportunity to choreograph for a performance. By God’s grace I was inspired with joyful steps and free, expansive movement. I could not have set that kind of piece without the joy of the Lord. This was just a few weeks ago.

Joy is so powerful it often elicits a physical response. Other responses to joy found in the Bible include shouting (Leviticus 9:24), eating (1 Chronicles 29:22), and singing (Psalm 95:1). There are many outward expressions of joy to the Lord; my favorite, as you may have guessed by now, is dancing. 

If I ever doubt that God has restored me and delivered me from sin, I remember how, not so many years ago, I couldn’t even dance one step under the heaviness of darkness. There’s no denying its contrast with the joy that now flows from my spirit, particularly through dance. God worked the miracle of joy in my life. Dance symbolizes my journey of being brought from death to life. And so, I will dance on. 

“You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,” (Psalm 30:11).  

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