Tag: Gifts

Posted on

Grace for Sleep

How much does sleep impact your day-to-day life? Do you have to be intentional to get healthy sleep? For the majority of people living in Western culture, sleep is often talked about like a luxury, a commodity, or something to be envied. Sleep is a gift God gives (Psalm 127:2). It’s also been a huge struggle for me, as I wrote in Falling Awake. But today, I want to write a bit more about physical, literal sleep.

Have you ever experienced your eyes becoming heavy? All of a sudden, you can lose track of the conversation or tv show or song or task at hand, and just feel powerless to keep from falling asleep. As someone who has experienced insomnia for much of my life, this level of being tired is usually a welcomed state of being. However, there are times when being asleep is more than a little embarrassing, like with Peter, James, and John in the Garden of Gethsemane.

In both the Gospel of Matthew and Mark, we find the story of Jesus’ disciplines falling asleep in Gethsemane, after Jesus had told them to watch while He prayed: “And he came to the disciples and found them sleeping. And he said to Peter, ‘So, could you not watch with me one hour? Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.’ Again, for the second time, he went away and prayed, ‘My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.’ And again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were heavy. So, leaving them again, he went away and prayed for the third time, saying the same words again. Then he came to the disciples and said to them, ‘Sleep and take your rest later on. See, the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners‘” (Matthew 26:40-45). Jesus, even on the night He was being chased down for arrest, showed compassionate, loving grace toward the weakness of the flesh in his best friends.

He knew their spirits were willing to keep watch and pray, and their hearts were in the right place. However, their physical bodies could not keep up with their hearts and they, seemingly beyond their control, in weakness, “took their rest.” Paul wrote, “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:10). When we are weak and we surrender our weakness to Christ Jesus, in His great mystery He somehow becomes our strength.

In our weakness, we can surrender to be led by God, as a sheep to our Good Shepherd. The prophet Ezekiel used this analogy, “I will seek the lost, and I will bring back the strayed, and I will bind up the injured, and I will strengthen the weak, and the fat and the strong I will destroy. I will feed them in justice” (Ezekiel 34:16). Everything provided for the sheep is from their Shepherd.

It follows that rest and sleep are the gifts of God for us. Rest is built into the very Creation, darkness of night being a daily time for rest, and the slower seasons of plant productivity being a longer time for rest taken by the earth. In a culture of overwork and little sleep, it’s important to remember that the grace of God can be demonstrated to us by rest and sleep. If we aren’t paying attention, we may miss this facet of His grace for us.

I am not saying that trying to stay awake is always disobedience; it also can imply a great God-fearing desire or effort on the part of a person. King David said, “I will not enter my house or get into my bed, I will not give sleep to my eyes or slumber to my eyelids, until I find a place for the Lord, a dwelling place for the Mighty One of Jacob” (Psalm 132:3-5). When our work is for the Lord and we’re within His will and purpose for us, He will give us the strength we need to stay awake to accomplish it if necessary. But those periods require discernment. Those periods are often only for a season. Rest is a need, and a gift God wants to give us as our trustworthy Shepherd; resting in Him, we experience His peace.

God the Father doesn’t sleep. He doesn’t need to! It is because of His work that we can rest: “He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand.” (Psalm 121:3-5). That God is our keeper is such Good News! God shows us grace in every way, and one of them is to give us the assurance and rest of His strong Presence in our weakness.

I had a minor Peter, James, and John moment just this week. I fell asleep when I really needed to stay awake, and a domino effect of consequences followed. At first, I was upset with myself, but I soon realized God knew my heart, just like He knew that of His disciples’ that night in the Garden. He had already forgiven my weakness. I just needed to thank God for His understanding and let go to take the next step with Him.

While God made us all fearfully and wonderfully (Psalm 139:14), Jesus knew our weakness firsthand. Not only was He fully human, He saw how his best (human) friends couldn’t stay awake with Him. He knew then and knows now, we are jars of clay (2 Corinthians 4:17), not steel. “As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust” (Psalm 103:13-14). Even in Jesus’ most difficult moment of anguish in His life to that moment in the Garden of Gethsemane, He showed incredible grace for the fragility of our human flesh, and continues to show us His amazing grace for our weaknesses. Can I get an amen?

If you ever feel reluctant to give yourself grace like me, remember in Jesus’ grace, you are already forgiven. He knows you are human, and He knows your heart. Leave unforgiveness at the cross, and find rest in His presence and peace today.

“The Lord bless you and keep you;  the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace” (Numbers 6:24-26).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

Posted on

Facing Memories

There’s nothing quite like going through old memories. Have you ever opened an old trunk in your attic or gone through a closet that doesn’t get much use and find things that used to be so important to you but you’d forgotten all about them? My project this week was to go through my childhood room at my parents’ house. I haven’t lived there for about 7 years, and the room is now needed for purposes other than holding the odds and ends I’ve left behind. I had tried to look through some of it over the years, but each time I never got very far. This time, as I sat on the floor, the books, flash drives, CDs, clothes, jewelry, tickets from shows, even my preschool graduation certificate (which I have no memory of ever seeing before), brought up memories that weren’t always happy or easy. In those 3 or 4 hours of sorting, I held each bit of paper, each book–each memory–and really looked at it. When holding some of the items no memories came up, but with the majority, a memory association came right along with it. And there were hundreds of items!

It think the reason why it took me 7 years to sort through my room was simple: I didn’t want to face the past. For so long, I didn’t feel emotionally ready for what I’d find. While I did not have a bad childhood, I shy away from the memories of it. I don’t remember the details of what was said or what was happening externally nearly as much as what I was feeling or thinking about a situation internally. 

As a child I knew that most people didn’t understand and didn’t go through the emotional heaviness I did all the time, and I thought they were SO lucky (and sometimes still do). How horrible I thought it was to care about everything! If you know the enneagram of personality, I tend toward type 4, and often filter memories through my emotions. For me, it is a serious emotional drain to bring any memory to mind at all, happy or sad. I tend to get either very melancholy or very sentimental. 

I think the hardest part about looking back on the past is remembering those specific instances of being so wrapped up in the emotional high or low of the moment that I often didn’t reach out beyond that to seek God. I was selfish with my emotional experiences and often didn’t let God, or other people, into them. Let’s just say a lot of bad poetry was written.  

Where was God?

I can point to a handful of moments where I absolutely can say, “God was speaking to me,” but it’s sad to me that my memories primarily hold the turmoil I went through. I simply didn’t know how to deal with it or let anyone in to help. I tried to just deal with interior struggles on my own. When it got very bad, I do recall praying for God’s help. Until I got older and started having doubts, I knew for sure He heard me. And now again as an adult, I know He heard me and He hears you as well. He is compassionate and forgiving no matter the messes we’ve made or find ourselves in. I do wish now that I had invited God along for the whole range of emotions back then instead of waiting for disaster, but it’s not worth dwelling on those sort of thoughts for too long, friends. All we can ever do is the next thing, right now. We can be so thankful knowing now that:

Our past may shape our habits and even our attitudes, but it does not define us. 

Thankfully, I am not defined by my past turmoil and missteps, and neither are you. In God’s mercy and grace, He makes us new. We can rest assured knowing that, while our past is still part of our story and need not be forgotten, it does not have to dictate our present, or our story’s ending. Colossians 3:15 says, you were called to peace. He asks us to put on love (v. 14) for He dearly love[d] us (v. 12). We have the ability to choose peace and love right now, no matter what our past looks like. 

So, as I sat among the scraps of my past, and the memories came, I didn’t get overwhelmed to the point of stopping and closing the door behind me this time. I hung on to these Biblical truths and chose to press on and press through the mess. 

Uniquely You.

It is only when we face the truth about ourselves and our past that we can move forward, grow, and eventually, find peace with ourselves. It is only when we stop beating ourselves down for the difficult things we deal with that we can honor what’s unique about who we are and what we are–beautiful creations of God. Whatever our particular struggles are, God made a way for each one of us to be made new through Jesus; He gives us the chance to have eternal life with Him, where the struggle of our old patterns and cycles of sin is over. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! (2 Corinthians 5:17). 

However, I found myself needing to repent, as I remembered and condemned the lost and broken girl I was, the one who messed up that relationship there, and said or chose the wrong thing over there. By condemning my past self, I had condemned my current self, for we are not to judge anyone, even ourselves. All those terrible things I’m thinking about myself, although maybe it’s not hurting anyone, it’s dishonoring one of God’s children. I had to ask God’s forgiveness for thinking so poorly of myself, because He didn’t think that about me. I’m not getting away with the sin of hurting someone, even if that person is myself. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. (Hebrews 4:13). We must remember to honor God by honoring ourselves, who He made uniquely and in His very image. 

Gifts from God.

I know now that the very things I always tried to ignore, my emotions, were actually my superpower all along. I was designed to be able withstand heavy emotional situations–grief, despair, anguish, heartache–I’m intimately familiar with them all because I seemed to experience them every single day. Thankfully that is no longer the case…more like every other day. Now I can help people who are going through these emotions. That’s the superpower gift God gave to me. For that, I am deeply thankful. 

Wading through the wreckage of my past this week in my old room, with memory after memory washing over me was difficult, but no longer impossible. I share this to give you hope if you also avoid situations that bring back traumatic memories. It is possible to heal. God has made a way. I found cards from family members that have passed away. I found cards that I wrote to people but never sent. I found photographs of me with people I am no longer in touch with, and books I felt were closer than friends that I would read over and over. But I was comforted by the fact that these draining or painful memories had faded, and would fade again, because now Jesus is my light. He is the light in my heart. He is the reason I can dance with joy again. I will perpetuate your memory through all generations; therefore the nations will praise you for ever and ever. (Psalm 45:17). Through all of time as we know it, His memory lives on. 

Proudly powered by WordPress