Do You Still Trust Me?

I didn’t know what it meant to trust God until I had to trust God. I could talk all day calmly and logically about trusting God from a young age, but until I was faced with multiple medical emergencies, accidents, tragedies, and crossroads in life, I had no idea what “trusting God” meant. At first, I took these difficult circumstances as God’s indifference, and the chaos and cruelty of life. Now after more experience, I can say that I’m grateful for them. They have been opportunities, however difficult, to trust God more completely, wholeheartedly, and desperately. They’ve been a very quick and accurate test that shows me just how much I’m relying on God, or not.

We go to school to provide for ourselves in some way, intellectually or for new skills. We work to provide an income to pay for living expenses. Many of us do this all our lives. But we must never forget that it is God who provides for us, not ourselves. God, “who fed you in the wilderness with manna that your fathers did not know, that he might humble you and test you, to do you good in the end. Beware lest you say in your heart, ‘My power and the might of my hand have gotten me this wealth.’” (Deuteronomy 8:16-17). The pride of self-reliance is a trap I’ve fallen into many times. But we see in this passage, God tests us in this, and it’s for our good. It’s been the difficulties, such as those I faced when I could no longer rely on myself the way I was used to, that have helped me most to live life every day with the King.

In the Characteristics of God series, we have delved into the details of who God is, what He’s really like according to Scripture, and why we can trust Him in the first place. Knowing God’s character is necessary to begin to live in step with Him, His will for us, and the people in our lives. We cannot trust someone we don’t know.

God trusts you with the struggles in your life. He trusts that you will walk through them and discover how He is walking with you, and know Him better for it. He trusts that you will respond to His love once you recognize it. He trusts that eventually you will recognize how He provides for you in the struggle. God is patient to let you take your time in grasping the incomprehensibility of His sacrificial, unconditional love for you, and the amazing freedom you actually have in that great love.

Jesus never exploits us or forces us into loving Him. The Apostle Paul wrote, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). He died for us while we were still sinning against Him. While we disobeyed Him and separated ourselves from Him, He still chose to sacrifice His life for ours. We only need to believe that He really is that merciful, faithful, good, and gracious. Jesus gave us reason to rejoice, and provided all we need, besides. We are truly safe and free in His love!

With every new challenge this past year, it was as if God was asking me the question, “Do you still trust me?” Physiologically this past year, I felt anything but safe or free. The time of establishing my faith was long over, and in this season, I was tested on whether that faith could be shaken. Not only that, but tested in learning to trust God in real time, while experiencing the panic and grief that came with burnout. Did I know what to trust God for? Did I know who He was and what He promises to His people? Did I believe they applied to me even while I was afraid? I needed God to walk with me through that test; I couldn’t endure on my own. He has been faithful to see me through to this new season, where there will surely be new challenges to face. But now on the other side of that particular test, I’ve learned by experience how much God can be trusted.

We all face challenges in our lives that are more than we can bear; each are invitations from God to lean on Him. He will get us to the other side of the challenges we face. We can’t handle them on our own, we need God to provide. The more we recognize that reality, the more God can work in our humbled hearts, ready and expectant for Him to work on our behalf, for our good. We need Him to free us from pride that keeps us bound in self defensiveness, fear, and selfishness. In the Book of James, James writes, “Humble yourselves before the Lord and he will exalt you” (James 4:10). The more I agree with the reality that God is in charge, not me, the more freedom I experience.

May God break every chain in us to live free in His love. Amen.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:4).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

Getting What You Pray For

We expect to get what we pay for. But what about what we pray for? I’ve questioned if something I am praying for is really God’s will, but many times I actively tried not to think about it that way and just prayed for what I wanted or needed. Knowing what God wanted seemed far too mysterious, and was something I would ignore out of frustration. I had no idea how to tell or how to walk in step with God’s will when it came to my everyday life, and it seemed like an impossible ask, and task.

Lately, I’ve come to understand this differently, in a way that removed so much more of the mystery than I ever thought possible.

Praying for My Will

The needs and wants that come up hourly in my own life and in the lives of those close to me seem infinite in number. There are needs to be met at every turn for every person, and it doesn’t take long to realize that we ourselves aren’t equipped to fill them all. We need God every day, hour, and minute. It is natural to have a need or want and pray for it to happen. It’s what I was taught to do, and there’s a good place for it. As an example, for many years I prayed that I would be able to go to bed and actually fall asleep earlier.

But as much as I wouldn’t have believed it or wanted to hear it, I didn’t know what I actually needed or wanted. I didn’t understand how God designed us first for relationship with Him and how much in our lives is a result of this Truth. I knew the sleep trouble indicated a misalignment somewhere in my life, but I didn’t realize that staying up too late was actually a symptom of not prioritizing my relationship with Jesus, or how He was calling me to live. I had prayed for the symptom, but completely missed the root cause.

God’s Restoration

Once I saw the connection of everything to my relationship with Jesus, things didn’t feel so complicated. I simply had to run to Him. I’ve had to learn many things “the hard way,” by not getting what I pray for. Those prayers weren’t focused on what was best in the long run, but what I thought would be good in the present. But God has worked in my heart to restore what I thought at one time was broken trust. God began a needed work of restoration in me that I couldn’t accomplish on my own. I prayed for it, and this time, He answered. He showed me that His will truly is what is best in the long run. Scripture clearly shows time and time again that it is God’s will to restore connection with the hearts that humbly bring themselves to Him. It’s who He is, part of His loving and faithful character. He will restore connection with us whenever we earnestly ask for it, because that is His will.

In this restoration of connection, God transformed my heart. He helped me see how things I believe, say, or do, especially when related to myself, affect my relationship with Him. He showed me through His Word and Spirit that relationship with Him is the most precious and important thing, both to me and to Him. His will is always barrier-free relationship with each one of us. Instead of simply praying for temporal improvements, I began to ask, does this affect my relationship with God? That question has changed everything.

He doesn’t want anything to come between Himself and me or you; He is faithful to help us keep our connection strong when we ask. Through His transformative work in my heart, I came to know that prayers aligned with restoring and keeping and growing trusting, relational connection with us will be answered. It has led to even deeper prayer, with a profound sense of knowing that God has already supplied every real need (Philippians 4:19), before we even ask!

Praying for God’s Will

I mentioned earlier about praying for perceived needs according to what we want or will. But things can get more complicated than that. What if it’s God’s will that a need remains unmet right now? What if His greater plan involves that need going unmet?

Jesus gave us an amazing example of praying for God’s will in the garden of Gethsemane, “And he withdrew from them about a stone’s throw, and knelt down and prayed, saying, ‘Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done‘” (Luke 22:41-42). He knew the Father’s will, but in this prayer He lets the Father know His own will, which is quite opposite. But then, Jesus says something really extraordinary. Jesus displays ultimate humility, knowing and acknowledging that God’s will is sovereign. No matter how much Jesus’ own will tried to resist against it, He had decided long before praying that prayer that God’s will would always be His choice because of His trusting relationship with Him. He had no doubt about the Father’s character of ultimate love and goodness toward Him.

I believe God is inviting us today to decide, like Jesus had done, that He is sovereign in our lives, to humble ourselves in trust, and to choose relationship with Him over our own will. God’s will is restored relationship with Him, and in that place of safety there is freedom and life to be found, sweeter than any life we could attempt to build from our own will.

When we pray for God’s will, we get what we pray for. It may not be immediate, or the way we expect, but restored and strengthened relationship with God is where all this, His plan, is heading. God is faithful and trustworthy to fulfill His will. May His will be done!

For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother” (Mark 3:35).

If anyone’s will is to do God’s will, he will know whether the teaching is from God or whether I am speaking on my own authority” (John 7:17).

And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God” (Romans 8:27).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

The Character of Jesus

God is ageless; God always has been, is, and always will be. Yet, entering our human timeline as Jesus, He was fully human and fully God. As fully human, Jesus had chronological age while here on earth–thirty-three years. 

The chronological time we think of in our day-to-day schedules or even in the timeline of our lifetimes, in the Greek is the word chronos, or sequential, chronological time.  

Paul wrote in Romans 5:6: “For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.” In Paul’s original Greek, the word for “right time” is kairos. Kairos means “the supreme moment of grace,” and it also means a call to action, or an opportune time. At kairos, the supreme moment of grace, after Jesus of Nazareth had lived as a human being for thirty-three years on this earth, God brought about a supreme moment of grace, THE moment of grace, that would also mark all of “chronos” time for every living being on this blue planet. 

There are some moments that are, in fact, meant to be, divinely ordained, especially set apart. And they work, not in opposition to sequential time, but still, somehow, outside of it. 

Just by being born in the place and manner that He was, the prophecies about Jesus were undeniable. King Herod committed heinous violence in the name of preserving his position of power when Jesus was around 2 years old (Matthew 2:13-16). God kept Jesus and His family safe from Herod and they successfully fled to Egypt. Before He could even talk, simply by entering the human timeline, Jesus defined the ages into what we now call Before Christ (B.C.) and After Death (A.D.). 

Humanity’s timeline was defined by Jesus coming into the world.

Jesus grew up living a fairly typical Jewish life after His early years in Egypt. Back in His hometown of Nazareth He learned carpentry, the trade of His earthly father, Joseph. In the gospel of Luke, there is a story about how Jesus stayed in the temple during His visit to the Passover festival in Jerusalem. He spoke with understanding and wisdom to the teachers there at just twelve years old. Jesus’ devotion to God was demonstrated even then, listening and learning in His Father’s house (Luke 2:42-50).  

Jesus is a loyal and faithful Son to His Father.

At about the age of thirty (Luke 3:23), Jesus was tempted in the wilderness by Satan for 40 days, and passed this test, remaining steadfast in faithfulness to God. After being rejected by the people (nearly being thrown off a cliff) in Nazareth (Luke 4:28-29), He left and started developing close personal relationships with twelve particular men, His apostles, but also women, several of whom he cured of disease, including Mary Magdalene, Joanna, and Susanna (Luke 8:2-3). He taught them all by His living example, caring for their souls’ well-being, and speaking of the Kingdom of God. He also occasionally taught in parables that compelled them, even when they didn’t understand them.  

Jesus fiercely loves His friends and followers.

Thirty-three is the age many believe Jesus was when He suffered and died on the cross for the sins of the world. After just three years of ministry, healing people, gathering grain on the Sabbath, and criticizing the Jewish authorities’ contrary hearts, God brought about the kairos, the ordained moment, for Jesus to give up His life for you and for me. Jesus chose to seize the moment, not avoid it. He leaned into His role in the kairos of God out of His faithfulness and love. He was put to death as a threat to power, both according to the Jewish leadership and political (Roman) leadership. 

Growing up learning about Jesus I used to think thirty-three was pretty old, but it is not long at all to have fulfilled one’s entire life purpose, let alone God’s ultimate purpose for fulfilling His covenant with humanity. In thirty-three years, God turned flesh was able to make sure that everyone, Jews, Samaritans, and Gentiles, had a Way through Himself to live in hope and peace with the Father. This Way remains open to us to this day!

Jesus is our self-sacrificially courageous Savior.

Though He was crucified at thirty-three years old, Jesus rose again. He is alive today, seated at the right hand of God. He is ruling and working on our behalf, interceding for us even now (Romans 8:34). 

Because of Jesus, life never ends for us, even when our bodies die. “For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ!” (Romans 5:17). Jesus has demonstrated His characteristic loyalty, faithfulness, love, selflessness, and courage flawlessly, even being fully human. We can know Jesus is interceding for us with the Father because of who He is! He knows that we are dust, meaning we are weak and prone to sin, and yet, He has deep and active compassion for us all.  

Jesus is the present-day Ruler and King of all kings.

I’ll be turning thirty-three myself tomorrow. To be this age for me means sharing something, even in some small way, with Jesus. I feel it is a beautiful kairos, a moment to be celebrated and observed in light of God’s goodness. But it is not the only one, nor the last one. It is not the last chance. It is instead yet another invitation to enter into His unending grace. We have these invitations now, and at every moment, from Him, no matter what age we are or whether it is our birthday or not. 

And that, friends, is something to celebrate. 

He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life” (Revelation 21:6). 

He is not God of the dead, but of the living. …” (Mark 12:27). 

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to the blog, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing about Life with the King. Grace and peace. 

Ireland: Part II

I’m reminded every September of my trip to Ireland in 2012, so I thought I’d take some time this month to write about the experience. I’ve traveled a lot in my life, but that trip stands alone by far as the most restorative. As I wrote in Part I, “I had to rely on God to take care of me and keep me from harm” when I went to Ireland solo for two weeks. Just to clarify, this was not something I was very comfortable with, despite the God-nudge to go and the odd sense of peace I felt. In normal everyday life, I thought of myself as fairly independent and self-sufficient. Without really being aware of it, that attitude bled over into how it often was between me and God. But in Ireland, I didn’t know how things worked. I simply wasn’t familiar with the culture or how to navigate it. I wasn’t as able to blend in and take care of myself the way I could at home.

In Ireland, I had no choice but to rely on God’s protection. 

Besides sudden sustained sunshine, meeting only the kindness of people, and finding an elusive electric converter as detailed in Part I, there were many other ways God showed up for me in Ireland. But first, I had to be open to seeing and hearing Him. And that can be really difficult sometimes. 

I first became aware of how alone I was at dusk walking from my B&B in Tralee. I was trying to find the pub in town to have dinner. When I finally found it, the only people I remember seeing when I walked in the door were men. No children, no women. Just rowdy American white men. I was suddenly very aware of my surroundings and went on high alert. What if these guys are gross? Drunk? Violent? Pushy? Invasive? “Rescue me, Lord, from evildoers; protect me from the violent . . .” (Psalm 140:1).

There were maybe only 12 of them, but they seemed to take up the whole restaurant. I watched them ask for pictures with the pretty redheaded waitress, trying not to judge them too quickly. I just wanted to sit at the bar and eat dinner; I didn’t need disgust ruining my palette. I was starving and not about to let them stop me. I mustered all my confidence and marched up to the bar and sat down. Sure enough, they noticed me and asked a million questions, but generally were amazingly respectful (despite a comment or two I overheard about the waitress). Several of them said I was very brave for traveling alone in a tone of awe. One guy who I’d talked to for a while as I ate said that I reminded him of his daughter. That word gave me a lot of comfort. From that point on, I relaxed. I knew I’d be alright and that the guys wouldn’t give me reason to be afraid.   

Both in Dingle and Galway I stayed in hostels, meaning I was given a key to a room crammed with bunkbeds and several strangers each night. Anyone with access to the room had access to my stuff–my plane ticket information to get home was probably the most valuable and I kept my passport on me at all times. But, nothing was ever touched. Among strangers, it was very clear;

God provides protection. The Lord protects the unwary; when I was brought low, he saved me” (Psalm 116:6). 

While in Tralee I visited the Rose Garden just a week after the annual rose festival. That’s where I met Jimmy who I call “the bike man,” a lovely old Irish gentleman who stopped his bike to greet me and strike up what became a long and very deep conversation. At one point, he said, “we always think about feeding the body, but we rarely take care to feed the soul.” In the green landscape with kind faces everywhere I went, my soul was certainly being fed. I was seeing God revealed on earth through beauty and kindness in the Irish community and it felt fresh every day. Jimmy asked me if I believed in heaven and when I said yes he asked me where it was. I don’t recall what I said exactly, but he smiled and said, “No, love. Heaven is here on earth.” Indeed, God is not somewhere “out there,” He’s right here. The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress” (Psalm 46:7). 

There was a rumor that the tours of the Ring of Kerry had stopped running for the season, but my bed & breakfast hostess Mary kindly searched for me and found an excellent one. On the bus I met an older man named Michael with his wife. Michael was my buddy both on and off the bus. He told me story after story about his life and his family in his Irish accent, laughing often. He also kindly attempted to use my camera and take a few photos of me (these were pre-selfie stick times!). He reminded me of what my own grandfather would do or say and with the same love in his eyes. I thought how silly it was to be afraid when traveling could be like this. I spotted a quote at the Killarney bus station after the tour written in graffiti that oddly seemed intended just for me, “Fear is the only darkness.” In His provision of Michael to be my kind companion on this day of the journey, God had dispelled all my fears.  

God provides people to be with us on the journey. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another” (1 John 4:11).  

On my bus into Dingle, I chatted with two American students sitting across the aisle from me. After I got off the bus, I didn’t know my way so I stopped to look at my map. A dark-haired boy I’d seen on my bus asked if I needed directions and gave exact details as to how to find my hostel. He said he’d overheard me talking about Galway and suggested I go, saying I’d have the “time of my life” there. Then he left. I followed his directions and got to my hostel much more quickly than I would have otherwise–how long would it have taken me to realize I had to walk through a grocery store to get to the street I needed to find? That was a first for me, so probably all day. The dark-haired boy’s guidance and kindness was so vital to my first day in Dingle, even then I recognized it as a way God was looking out for me. And even more so after actually having the time of my life in Galway!

When I got to my last day in Dingle, I hadn’t explored much beyond the town and wanted to see more of the peninsula. I waited hours for a tour only to find out it was canceled because there was a 3-person minimum. I was the only one there. The tour guide, a big, blue-eyed man named John, saw the disappointment on my face there in the Dingle visitor center and had pity on me. He agreed to take me on a short private tour. We got to talking, and I ended up receiving a full tour, with a very special stop that I am still so grateful for, to the most beautiful beach in Ireland, Com Dhineol. It was magical, otherworldly. I must’ve had the most elated expression when I returned to the tour van because John told me that he’d said to himself, “She thinks she’s in heaven.” I quickly replied, “I am!” After many stops at cliff overlooks and beaches and ancient ruins, at the end of the tour the last thing I said to John was, “Thanks for showing me heaven!” He beamed back at me. 

The day I arrived in Galway, I was placed in a hostel room with two teenage girls. They invited me along with them to a club and though I was sleep deprived, at the time I didn’t want to pass up the opportunity. I enjoyed adventuring with them, however, the soul-level peace I had experienced up to that point took a hit. I was suddenly in a fast paced, loud environment and saw things I’d rather not have seen. Thankfully, the next day, I took a tour of Connemara and spent most of the day at Kylemore Abbey, one of the most peaceful places I’ve been. The tour bus driver was extremely nice to me, and let me sit up front, in “the Queen’s Seat.” That tour, like John’s tour, was exactly what my soul craved–space, quiet, and time to enjoy life and the beauty of God’s creation. The day at the Abbey was one of my most joyful, ever. Without delay, God again provided another opportunity for the inner rest and restoration.   

God provides what we need.But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one” (2 Thessalonians 3:3).

I fell asleep on the bus from Galway to Limerick, the very last leg of my journey in Ireland before heading to the airport. I cannot recall ever falling asleep in public when alone before, or since, for that matter. After two weeks of seeing God work over and over to protect me, I was finally able to accept God’s gift of rest, and trust that He was protecting me even while I slept. But still, it took the two-week journey through Ireland to get there. It takes a journey for many of us to experience and recognize God’s protection. Trusting God is simple but it’s not easy. But, it’s worth every bit of the journey. Press on friends! I encourage you to find His faithfulness out for yourself.  

In Part I, I wrote, “There is something about travel that heightens awareness, that allows us to tap into something that we have numbed ourselves to in our everyday surroundings.” I pray that we might be and remain aware and alert enough each day to notice and appreciate the countless ways God provides for us. 

Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me” (Revelation 3:20).