Tag: connect

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3 (More) Ways to Help Someone Struggling with Faith

When I wrote 10 Ways to Help Someone Struggling with Faith, it was 2019. It was about four years after my hardest season of struggling with faith had ended. I started this blog to help people who struggle with faith to feel less alone, and that early blog post remains one of the most-read posts. We want to help those around us, but we don’t always know how. We can’t always relate to someone else’s struggle, because each of our journeys is unique. But as someone who’s been there as far as losing faith and finding it again, I wanted to help bridge the gap between people who struggle with their faith, and their loved ones. And I still do.

Before we get into the 3 ways to help further, I want to acknowledge that a person who has reached a point where they are questioning faith, a foundational component of identity and life, means that they are desperate. Desperate for change. Desperate for authenticity and Truth. This has led them to a place of questioning what is True in their lives, which a very difficult thing for a human being to do. It is much more common and more comfortable not to question the things we can’t reconcile. People who struggle with questions of faith are extremely courageous. They are facing the fear that they might have gotten things very wrong. They are willing to do the hard work of seeking out the Truth, despite what they might find out about themselves or others along the way. We thank God for these Truth-seekers in our lives! Those who choose to go through fire for the Truth can be some of the most refined.

1. Don’t Give Up on Connection

Connection is one of the most healing things there is. God made us to connect with Him and with other people. He designed us to be loved, supported, and encouraged by those we share connections with, aka people in our community. Our community can be our neighbors, coworkers, friends, church community, and family. When a person is struggling with their faith, those connections can feel especially difficult to maintain. They simply cannot relate in the ways they did before.

If you are a safe person to someone in a faith struggle, you may hear things from them you never expected to hear. You may hear things that are sad, surprising, or existential. Without a common foundation of understanding, these are very hard things to connect with another person about. It makes sense that it’s tough to connect. But please don’t give up.

To someone struggling with faith, they likely feel that their identity is in flux. This is why this struggle can lead to people pulling away from those in their communities. It’s likely not because they want to break a relational connection, it is more plausible that they don’t want to ruin a connection because they can’t act or speak in the same ways they once did with you. It is nearly impossible to be undergoing inner world changes while simultaneously following the norms of conversation. Nothing feels normal anymore to someone struggling. Questions of faith can’t be resolved in one sitting or one conversation. Anyone in relationship with someone going through these types of questions will need to be patient.

Connecting with someone is the last thing they probably feel they can do, yet it can be one of the most reassuring and helpful things for their heart. You don’t have to understand everything they are thinking about, you just need to be a constant, loving presence that won’t give up on them, and isn’t scared of what they are going through. Their faith journey is normal and healthy and is for a purpose, and you can help remind them of that when their world seems to be spinning out of their control. To open the possibility up to connect, the most important thing is to make sure they know you aren’t going anywhere.

2. Share Your Testimony of Faith

To truly connect with someone, that person needs to know where you’re coming from. The worst thing you can do when you want to help someone in a faith crisis is to hide where you stand when it comes to your own faith. The best way to let them know where you stand is to share your story. Why do you believe what you believe about God? What makes you solid in your faith? Hearing someone share how certain and unwavering they were in their convictions about how God moves, and hearing them state the Biblical Truths that they stand firm on made a big impact with me when I was struggling with faith. I became curious how they were so certain, what made quoting the Bible so easy for them, how they seemed to be so calm in their spirit about the things I was not calm about. It made me press deeper into what was actually True. Truth is what people need when they are in this state, and oftentimes, they need to find it for themselves. But our testimonies can point them towards Jesus. Our own faith can encourage and inspire other people, even when it doesn’t seem apparent that they trust or believe us at first. The Holy Spirit is faithful to work in people’s hearts, and can use your story and your life to testify of His love and Truth. We are called to share our stories in love, with prayer and discernment as to the right timing and circumstances.

3. Bring Them Around People Who Love God

When I was struggling, I was brought into a church worship service where the room was full of people lifting all their love to God, and God’s love was palpable as it poured back in turn on the room. It was an amazingly beautiful experience that I still think of often. I could not deny that God’s love was in that room, or that He was completely real and True to those people worshiping Him that day. Being in a room of people who love and adore the Lord, better yet, who are authentically worshiping joyfully, is one of the most confronting things a person struggling with faith can see. When our faith runs out, sometimes we just need something we can see. It can eventually bring clarity to the confusion.

To recap, three (more) ways we can help someone struggling are to never give up on them and make sure they know we will always be there for them, share our faith, and make faith visible in a way that doesn’t require their response. Surround them with love, and pray for guidance to the unique ways that you can connect with and share with that person in the love of Christ for them.

The focus must always be on God, not on them; or on us. May we let the story God is writing speak.

To God be all the glory! Amen.

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged‘” (Deuteronomy 31:8).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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The Spiritual Disciplines: Sacred Reading

I’ve been wanting to get deeper in knowing and understanding God a lot more lately. The more I have learned the last few years, the more I want to learn. But, at the same time I can feel myself getting more and more addicted to my phone, my computer, and my TV. The tension can get maddening. Only when I choose to run to the Lord and shut out everything else do I find real rest from the constant barrage of noise. Making that decision and connecting with Him is not always easy though. Sometimes we may need a little help. 

I want to spend some time talking about the spiritual disciplines on this blog, meaning the practices that Christians have used for hundreds and hundreds of years to help them connect more deeply with God, His Word, and with themselves. I know, “disciplines” can sound boring and dull–they certainly did to me until I finally gave them a chance. I had to get fed up first. At some point I got fed up by this surface-deep world full of distractions, ever-ready to destroy deep connection and intimacy. Just one look at divorce rates and loneliness studies speak to lack of intimacy, the byproduct of our human brokenness. With everything around me pulling me away from intimacy with God, I suspect I’m not the only one who longs for depth of connection to God’s love and presence with us. We need connection, we were made for it, for Him. Now, I’m not saying I am great at spiritual disciplines by any means, because I’m definitely not. I’d still consider myself a beginner, but I want to share a few things that particularly help me tune out the noise and connect with God in hopes that maybe they could help you as well wherever you are in your spiritual journey, whether you’re a beginner to knowing Jesus or a lifelong follower of Jesus.  

The first time I learned about sacred reading, or lectio divina, was several years ago. It sounded way too fancy and complicated to me. But the more I learned, the more intrigued I was. The way I understand it now is a structured way to meditate on one passage of Scripture at a time. It’s a way we can converse with God through His Words in Scripture, as they command us to “Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds…” (Deuteronomy 11:18). Sacred reading provides those who practice it with structured time and space to allow a passage to sink into our minds and hearts, allowing God room there to speak to us through the passage. Stick with me. It’s really not as mystical as it may sound.

The hardest part for me is starting. 

For me, it’s most helpful to start without any distractions. This is the part that is usually the hardest, because I have a tendency toward racing thoughts and, like many of us, an addiction to content like online videos and podcasts that I am constantly (and oftentimes poorly) managing. But, if I can get past the hurdles of a distracted mind, the rest of the process of sacred reading is incredibly helpful, convicting, humbling, and restorative in fresh and unexpected ways every time. 

God’s Word truly continues to speak to us, sometimes we just need some help. 

That’s where spiritual disciplines come in. Last year, I kept up the discipline for several months, but eventually it faded out of my daily routine. Since then I’ve started and stopped again over and over, but recently I’ve started back up full force, trying to practice daily and trying not to judge myself about missing a day here and there and just keep going. The important thing is showing up as often as we possibly can. 

Even if we’re distracted, even if we’re tired, even if we’re depressed–even there–God sees us and loves us right where we are.  

The practice of sacred reading can also be very powerful in a group setting, but most often I delve into the Word by myself. I’ll give you a picture of what it looks like to try this ancient, sacred practice that’s really quite simple. When I start, I pray first. I check in with God and tell Him what I’m feeling. Then I thank Him for His love and devote my time in the practice to Him. I pray for focus, wisdom, discernment, and an open mind and heart to what He is speaking to me. I ask Him to reveal the true meaning of the passage to me, and to show me what my responsibility is upon receiving His Word. Then, I will choose a passage of Scripture that I want to read. It could be one verse or several, but before I begin I usually will make sure it’s something I won’t mind reading more than once. Sometimes I don’t skim through it first and just start reading where I feel prompted to read; wisdom and truth can come from reading any passage in the Word. 

Then I’ll read the passage through completely, once or twice, slowly. Then I’ll pause and jot down any notes of things I noticed, have questions about, or want to remember for the next pass. Then I’ll read it again even more slowly, taking notice of individual words, sometimes looking up different translations to gain more context for meaning, and I’ll take time to reflect on what I’m thinking, feeling, or sensing with my pen hovering over paper. I’ll write everything down about what I think a verse means, whether I think it’s “right” or not, just to get all my thoughts out. Then I’ll start responding to God, asking Him if I’m on the right track, and telling Him what Scripture has spoken to me. I’m a writer, and a visual learner, so I’m usually writing this prayer out. I end with thanks to Him for His Word, for interacting with me through it. Though it doesn’t happen as often as I’d like, ideally after that I’ll try to take a moment to be still, not saying anything, just resting in God’s presence. 

Friends, this is one of my absolute favorite ways to connect with God. My brain is so used to study and research, to structure, to thinking through everything, that the structure of lectio divina is enough to keep my brain occupied while my heart has time to commune with Jesus. It’s a wonderful balanced practice in that way, and I hope you are encouraged to give it a try! 

“When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart’s delight, for I bear your name, Lord God Almighty” (Jeremiah 15:16). 

For anyone who has been confused when they hear things like “talk with God” or “connect with God,” I understand. I totally was too. I was like, “Uh…you sound completely crazy, way too woo-woo spiritual, no way I’m even touching that,” only to go along with life and still feel disconnected from God and not know what to do about it. By showing you the process of sacred reading, a long-practiced discipline in Christianity, I hope it’s become a little less weird and a little more accessible to you. It’s another way to build your relationship with Jesus, to seek Jesus. This is just one way to get started. There are many spiritual practices and not everyone will connect with this one. That’s okay. I wanted to share it because it’s been exceptionally helpful to me and my relationship with Jesus. If sacred reading just isn’t your favorite, in the coming weeks I plan to share other spiritual disciplines as well. 

Don’t wait, start connecting with Jesus today, in whatever way you can! Coming to Him doesn’t have to be done any certain way or be prescribed by any person or any particular spiritual discipline. The important part is coming to Him. 

“Then he taught me, and he said to me, ‘Take hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands, and you will live’” (Proverbs 4:4).

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