Tag: confusion

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3 (More) Ways to Help Someone Struggling with Faith

When I wrote 10 Ways to Help Someone Struggling with Faith, it was 2019. It was about four years after my hardest season of struggling with faith had ended. I started this blog to help people who struggle with faith to feel less alone, and that early blog post remains one of the most-read posts. We want to help those around us, but we don’t always know how. We can’t always relate to someone else’s struggle, because each of our journeys is unique. But as someone who’s been there as far as losing faith and finding it again, I wanted to help bridge the gap between people who struggle with their faith, and their loved ones. And I still do.

Before we get into the 3 ways to help further, I want to acknowledge that a person who has reached a point where they are questioning faith, a foundational component of identity and life, means that they are desperate. Desperate for change. Desperate for authenticity and Truth. This has led them to a place of questioning what is True in their lives, which a very difficult thing for a human being to do. It is much more common and more comfortable not to question the things we can’t reconcile. People who struggle with questions of faith are extremely courageous. They are facing the fear that they might have gotten things very wrong. They are willing to do the hard work of seeking out the Truth, despite what they might find out about themselves or others along the way. We thank God for these Truth-seekers in our lives! Those who choose to go through fire for the Truth can be some of the most refined.

1. Don’t Give Up on Connection

Connection is one of the most healing things there is. God made us to connect with Him and with other people. He designed us to be loved, supported, and encouraged by those we share connections with, aka people in our community. Our community can be our neighbors, coworkers, friends, church community, and family. When a person is struggling with their faith, those connections can feel especially difficult to maintain. They simply cannot relate in the ways they did before.

If you are a safe person to someone in a faith struggle, you may hear things from them you never expected to hear. You may hear things that are sad, surprising, or existential. Without a common foundation of understanding, these are very hard things to connect with another person about. It makes sense that it’s tough to connect. But please don’t give up.

To someone struggling with faith, they likely feel that their identity is in flux. This is why this struggle can lead to people pulling away from those in their communities. It’s likely not because they want to break a relational connection, it is more plausible that they don’t want to ruin a connection because they can’t act or speak in the same ways they once did with you. It is nearly impossible to be undergoing inner world changes while simultaneously following the norms of conversation. Nothing feels normal anymore to someone struggling. Questions of faith can’t be resolved in one sitting or one conversation. Anyone in relationship with someone going through these types of questions will need to be patient.

Connecting with someone is the last thing they probably feel they can do, yet it can be one of the most reassuring and helpful things for their heart. You don’t have to understand everything they are thinking about, you just need to be a constant, loving presence that won’t give up on them, and isn’t scared of what they are going through. Their faith journey is normal and healthy and is for a purpose, and you can help remind them of that when their world seems to be spinning out of their control. To open the possibility up to connect, the most important thing is to make sure they know you aren’t going anywhere.

2. Share Your Testimony of Faith

To truly connect with someone, that person needs to know where you’re coming from. The worst thing you can do when you want to help someone in a faith crisis is to hide where you stand when it comes to your own faith. The best way to let them know where you stand is to share your story. Why do you believe what you believe about God? What makes you solid in your faith? Hearing someone share how certain and unwavering they were in their convictions about how God moves, and hearing them state the Biblical Truths that they stand firm on made a big impact with me when I was struggling with faith. I became curious how they were so certain, what made quoting the Bible so easy for them, how they seemed to be so calm in their spirit about the things I was not calm about. It made me press deeper into what was actually True. Truth is what people need when they are in this state, and oftentimes, they need to find it for themselves. But our testimonies can point them towards Jesus. Our own faith can encourage and inspire other people, even when it doesn’t seem apparent that they trust or believe us at first. The Holy Spirit is faithful to work in people’s hearts, and can use your story and your life to testify of His love and Truth. We are called to share our stories in love, with prayer and discernment as to the right timing and circumstances.

3. Bring Them Around People Who Love God

When I was struggling, I was brought into a church worship service where the room was full of people lifting all their love to God, and God’s love was palpable as it poured back in turn on the room. It was an amazingly beautiful experience that I still think of often. I could not deny that God’s love was in that room, or that He was completely real and True to those people worshiping Him that day. Being in a room of people who love and adore the Lord, better yet, who are authentically worshiping joyfully, is one of the most confronting things a person struggling with faith can see. When our faith runs out, sometimes we just need something we can see. It can eventually bring clarity to the confusion.

To recap, three (more) ways we can help someone struggling are to never give up on them and make sure they know we will always be there for them, share our faith, and make faith visible in a way that doesn’t require their response. Surround them with love, and pray for guidance to the unique ways that you can connect with and share with that person in the love of Christ for them.

The focus must always be on God, not on them; or on us. May we let the story God is writing speak.

To God be all the glory! Amen.

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged‘” (Deuteronomy 31:8).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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Truth and Spiritual Warfare

Do you think it’s a coincidence that as we gear up to take things to a new level, suddenly things start going wrong? Maybe things start getting under our skin, distracting us, or even making us doubt that taking that next step forward is the right thing. This is nothing new. It is a predictable attack, and yet, I for one can still easily fall into thinking the worst about it, that this time might be different and maybe I really do need to be afraid. This is just one common tactic the enemy uses in spiritual warfare against us.

Feeling the effects of these tactics, I’ve questioned both myself and God so many times, “Did I really hear You right, God?” “Am I actually ready for this?” “Why would I be feeling so uncertain if I’m supposed to take this step?” I somehow find it hard to remember the fact that the enemy really, really badly wants anything and everything good in our lives to fail. He wants us discouraged and hopeless, working to kill, steal, and destroy our souls (John 10:10). The enemy is not creative, however. He doesn’t attack in any new ways, he uses the same exact ones (called “schemes” in Ephesians 6:11) relentlessly, over and over again, hoping to separate us mentally and in our hearts from the Truth, and our God-given identity and work. The schemes started with a tactical question he asked Eve that led her to sin in the Garden, “Did God really say [that]?” (paraphrase, Genesis 3:1). I talk about this question in depth in my post called The Serpent’s Question. The devil still asks us the same old question today, just personalized to fit our unique circumstances.

That question has driven people to believe outright lies about God, other people, and themselves, stealing their time, energy, and perhaps much more. But God has made the Truth about Himself known to us very clearly through His Word, and to all people: “For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse” (Romans 1:20). We may know God is with us, and trust that He has authority and power over every scheme of the enemy, and yet, we still experience the enemy’s attacks in this fallen world. But, God’s Word warns us of them and prepares us for them. Spiritual warfare is clearly acknowledged in the Bible. God does not leave us defenseless. Ephesians 6 is a well-known chapter on the importance of the armor of God to prepare for such warfare: “Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places” (Ephesians 6:11-12). No authority is above Jesus, our Authority, and in Him, we are completely and fully protected.

Not only does God care for us by giving us access to the armor of God, but we have Truth to stand on when lies come: the Word of God, Jesus, who IS the Truth itself (John 14:6), and our relationship with Jesus. Whenever lies threaten to kill our spirit, steal our joy, or destroy our hope, because of these gifts of Truth we have the ability to move forward with the purposes of God in the world despite any spiritual attacks that come against us.

That doesn’t mean spiritual warfare is easy, but it does mean that we have hope, despite every effort of the enemy to break us down into hopelessness. Those of us who love Jesus and seek Him out know what God says to us in His Word. We’re listening and attentive in prayer. We know when He speaks to our hearts. We write down and do our best to remember what He has spoken. But sometimes, the warfare of the enemy of our souls finds a weakness, a place where we aren’t believing the Truth about God or ourselves. He can use “cracks” in our armor, like insecurities or fears, to influence the inner dialog we have with ourselves in our hearts. As the father of lies (John 8:44), the enemy is well beyond an expert at attempting to get us to believe lies, and confuse them with the Truth.

So, take heart, friends. While spiritual warfare is nothing new, there are times when the attacks become more intense. It feels to me like now is one of those times. Thankfully Jesus gave us even more to help defend and remind us of Truth, the power and presence of the Holy Spirit. Jesus said, “But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid” (John 14:26-27). We are never left alone friends, in Jesus we have reason to have unshakable peace and hope, even while the spiritual attacks come.

May we all stand firm on the Truth, trusting Jesus, and never giving up the hope found in Him. Amen.

“Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!” (Isaiah 5:20).

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” And he who was seated on the throne said, ‘Behold, I am making all things new.’ Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true” (Revelation 21:4-5).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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Seeking Life’s Deeper Truth

Today I invite you to celebrate with me because six years ago today, I started Life with the King. My first post was called What To Do When You Struggle with Faith. The timestamp is a day late, July 25th, for some computer-y reason I couldn’t fix at the time. I remember having a blog launch party at my house with a few friends and games and food and I was so excited, but nervous. I’ve been journaling since I was seven years old, happy to have a private place to put my thoughts. The decision to be vulnerable enough to share thoughts with other people wasn’t easy, but at the time I just knew it was something I simply had to do. And I’m so glad I did. Six years later, and I still know it’s what I’m supposed to be doing.

The idea behind my website’s tagline, “Seeking Life’s Deeper Truth,” is something that I don’t know that I ever explained, or intended to explain. Those who get it will get it, I told myself. But perhaps now it’s time to go back six years and tell the story behind that tagline.

When I decided on the tagline “Seeking Life’s Deeper Truth,” I had just come from the previous six-year stretch from 2013-2019 of seeking Truth after finding myself caught in a lot of confusion and outright lies that I had sincerely thought were truths up until that point. I never believed in Santa Claus, but just imagine what it is like to find out the truth about him, only you’re an adult, then multiply it by about ten because it impacted every single area of life, and that’s roughly how it felt.

To believe that being a Christian means you’ll be happy every day, to believe that you’re doing everything you can to live well when your gods are television and weekends and looking successful in your career, to believe people need to earn their worth and find their identities in the world…the list could go on and on. I believed these and so many other outright lies and was angry that I had fallen for them. Truth became sacred to me in that period of time. That’s why I now capitalize the word Truth. And I also now believe that Truth has a name. Truth means everything to me in my life and faith journey. The interesting thing about Truth is that this world encourages us to give up on it, have a strange avoidant relationship with it, or lose sensitivity to it just to cope in the moment, while compromising long-term peace.

Confusion is a specialty of the enemy of our souls. The strange thing about Truth is that Satan, as the father of lies (John 8:44), confuses Truth and lies even though they couldn’t be more opposite. And he does this really, really well. Scripture promises that this will get progressively more intense, “For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths” (2 Timothy 4:3-4). Can you think of any teachers or myths with influence being spread today?

The stakes are high, so high that I started a website six years ago to remind others (and continue to myself), that Truth is the most important thing, and it must be sought out. If we are passive and not intentional to seek Truth, we will be swept into the current of lies, so subtly we’ll never even realize it’s happened. I know because that happened to me. I don’t want that even for enemies, but especially not for you, friends.

So I fight against the father of lies by sharing about the Truth when I am given the words. Particularly for me, I fight against the lie of the ego that we are immune to lies. My old post called The Truth about Philosophy and Mental Health is an example of working this out in my own life. I’ve learned the hard way that we must keep our eyes on the Truth, or we may be subject to the wrong king. What would happen if instead of shying away from Truth out of fear of the unknown, we chose to embrace it? For me, it changed everything and it was more than worth the risk.

If we don’t take the risk, we may get to a point where we are told the Truth, and even though we hear it, we don’t recognize it to be True. This happened not only to me but to king Ahab in Scripture. He fell for the trap of his own preference, and believed the lies of the false god prophets, who he chose to follow over Micaiah, who was a prophet of the Lord (2 Chronicles 18). When Truth is clearly presented to us, how do we recognize it when we see it? We must recognize the importance of Truth, seek it, and keep ourselves sensitive to it, no matter the cost. Truth is always worth it.

Seek Truth with all your heart! There is nothing more important. That’s why Life with the King exists. It’s all about Truth, and seeking it for yourselves in the deepest way possible. May you find what you are seeking. Amen.

“They bend their tongue like a bow; falsehood and not truth has grown strong in the land; for they proceed from evil to evil, and they do not know me, declares the Lord. Let everyone beware of his neighbor, and put no trust in any brother, for every brother is a deceiver, and every neighbor goes about as a slanderer. Everyone deceives his neighbor, and no one speaks the truth; they have taught their tongue to speak lies; they weary themselves committing iniquity.  Heaping oppression upon oppression, and deceit upon deceit, they refuse to know me, declares the Lord” (Jeremiah 9:3-6).

“And many false prophets will arise and lead many astray” (Matthew 24:11).

“...they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen” (Romans 1:25).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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We Can Know What is True

The level of fear I’ve been witnessing in the start of 2021 has left me stunned. We are living in a time of extreme spiritual confusion. Being confused easily breeds fear; we naturally fear what is unknown. It is the world’s way to keep fear alive and well, because what we fear has power over us.

We forget that we can choose not to be swept up in the tides of fear. We can get so used to it that we don’t even know we’re afraid. Even when fear feels so real to us, no matter how chaotic things seem, it is helpful to remember that God is not a God of fear or confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33a). He is a God of love and peace, and He wants to give these gifts to us.

How do we know we’re experiencing spiritual confusion (AKA fear)?

There are many warning signs that can serve as signposts that we are swerving toward fear and confusion.

Just a few may include: 

  • If we try to control people and/or things around us to a very strict degree. 
  • If loving God and loving people become an afterthought. 
  • If we are consuming greater quantities of news than of the Word of God. 
  • If we are buying things we usually wouldn’t, doing things we usually wouldn’t, considering things we usually wouldn’t, or saying things we usually wouldn’t. 

When we are centered and clear on God’s Word and His love, it is important to pray and consider reaching out in grace and truth to help someone else in the grip of fear and confusion. God commands us to love one another and does not want us to be afraid of the things of this world, “for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:7).

Friends, my prayer for us all is for the discernment to realize when enough is enough when it comes to fear. Fear destroys the spirit and does not protect us, only God can do that. The truth is, no matter how bad things seem or feel to us in the moment, God’s plan will come about. God’s promises remain true and undisturbed. Jesus loves us beyond comprehension and is still on the throne interceding for us. “There is no fear in love but perfect love casts out fear…” (1 John 4:18a). God is calling us to be people who love one another and stay away from the trap of fear, brought on by lies, in our minds.

Jesus is the Truth

“Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you had known me, you would have known my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him’” (John 14:6-7). 

When we follow Jesus we become a person of truth. Further on in the gospel of John, Jesus speaks about his relationship with truth further:

“Then Pilate said to him, ‘So you are a king?’ Jesus answered, ‘You say that I am a king. For this purpose I was born and for this purpose I have come into the world—to bear witness to the truth. Everyone who is of the truth listens to my voice.’ Pilate said to him, ‘What is truth?’ After he had said this, he went back outside to the Jews and told them, ‘I find no guilt in him’ (John 18:37-38). 

To be in Christ is to be in truth. Knowing Christ is knowing the truth. Truth is something we can stand on, something that needs to be taken very seriously since we human beings are susceptible to confusing truth with almost-truth. But God has given us His Word and His Son Jesus Christ, who came as the very embodiment of the truth. In Christ, we can resist fear and what is false.

“Resist the devil and he will flee from you” (James 4:7b). We may know this verse, but how do we resist the father of lies, the devil? How do we stop aligning ourselves with the things that are not true about where God is taking humanity, who God is, and who we are as His beloved people? 

By aligning ourselves with Jesus in actively loving one another as He loves us (John 13:34-35).  

When we live in loving ways, we act contrary to fear in the same way that Jesus did. We act in trust of a reality not of fear but of love and peace. We actually bring God’s Kingdom to earth. While it takes time and effort, we are able to watch our thoughts and catch ourselves in the lies we believe so that we can realign our thoughts with the truth. Living in fear and believing lies about ourselves, God, and other people is like putting blinders on ourselves. It is not loving to ourselves to entertain lies. We have the choice to take the blinders of fear off, but when confusion takes hold of our lives and spirits, we can easily forget that this is true. It can be difficult to remember that there is abundant life outside of the limited view we see in our blinders. 

Leaning on Jesus is where we find peace. In Him there is no fear, and from His peace we can start to see beyond the blinders and let Him heal the spiritual wounds of fear. 

In the new Pixar movie Soul, there is an apt illustration of this idea. The only thing in the film that can dissolve the dark cloud of fear and lies that cause souls to become “lost” souls is the truth. Once the lost soul can see one part of the truth, it brings them back to reality and life and they can uncover more of the truth. In this way, Soul is onto the truth of how God designed our souls to be–to respond to truth, and to struggle when we allow ourselves to believe lies. 

I want to be clear and say that Jesus is with us even and especially in our fear. He is present with you and working even and especially while you are afraid. He will never, ever leave you alone in your fear. 

Use the Discernment of the Spirit

There is a pervasive perception that there is so much information that is false or fake that it is impossible to know what is true. But this perception misses the fact that the Holy Spirit dwells within each one of us who believe in Jesus.

It misses that the Holy Spirit knows the truth even if it is not reported or false testimony is given. It misses that the Holy Spirit speaks to us in our spirits and we can practice listening to His voice (Hebrews 5:14). It misses that the Holy Spirit gives us discernment between truth and almost-truth.

When in fear, we must repent and ask the Holy Spirit to help us discern between truth and almost-truth. 

It is when we believe almost-truth that some of the most sinister fear enters into our lives. “Almost-truth” is Satan’s specialty, and lately there are almost-truths being spread even more than those viral videos in the early 2000s. Instead of reacting to them, and giving them our precious energy, we can act in accordance with the truth, and go to God and His unshakable promises and love.

We can know the truth by the power of the Holy Spirit. 

Many of us struggle to distinguish between our own voice and God’s. Indeed, it takes practice. Discernment takes an understanding of the fruit of the Spirit, a knowledge of the character and Word of God.

Whenever we find ourselves afraid, we can ask the Holy Spirit questions, such as, Does what I’m fearing leave room for grace? Does what I’m fearing question who God is? Questions like these can help us test and know if we are in alignment with the truth. 

“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world” (1 John 4:1). We can test every spirit, every swaying force or idea, and indeed we are commanded to do so. This is part of loving and taking care of the temples that we are. 

May we be people of the truth, valuing what Jesus values, obeying and listening to the voice of Jesus instead of the loud voices of fear or confusion. Let us pray for wisdom and discernment, so that our lives are lived not in fear but Christ-like love.

“and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free’” (John 8:32). 

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