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Seeking Life’s Deeper Truth

Today I invite you to celebrate with me because six years ago today, I started Life with the King. My first post was called What To Do When You Struggle with Faith. The timestamp is a day late, July 25th, for some computer-y reason I couldn’t fix at the time. I remember having a blog launch party at my house with a few friends and games and food and I was so excited, but nervous. I’ve been journaling since I was seven years old, happy to have a private place to put my thoughts. The decision to be vulnerable enough to share thoughts with other people wasn’t easy, but at the time I just knew it was something I simply had to do. And I’m so glad I did. Six years later, and I still know it’s what I’m supposed to be doing.

The idea behind my website’s tagline, “Seeking Life’s Deeper Truth,” is something that I don’t know that I ever explained, or intended to explain. Those who get it will get it, I told myself. But perhaps now it’s time to go back six years and tell the story behind that tagline.

When I decided on the tagline “Seeking Life’s Deeper Truth,” I had just come from the previous six-year stretch from 2013-2019 of seeking Truth after finding myself caught in a lot of confusion and outright lies that I had sincerely thought were truths up until that point. I never believed in Santa Claus, but just imagine what it is like to find out the truth about him, only you’re an adult, then multiply it by about ten because it impacted every single area of life, and that’s roughly how it felt.

To believe that being a Christian means you’ll be happy every day, to believe that you’re doing everything you can to live well when your gods are television and weekends and looking successful in your career, to believe people need to earn their worth and find their identities in the world…the list could go on and on. I believed these and so many other outright lies and was angry that I had fallen for them. Truth became sacred to me in that period of time. That’s why I now capitalize the word Truth. And I also now believe that Truth has a name. Truth means everything to me in my life and faith journey. The interesting thing about Truth is that this world encourages us to give up on it, have a strange avoidant relationship with it, or lose sensitivity to it just to cope in the moment, while compromising long-term peace.

Confusion is a specialty of the enemy of our souls. The strange thing about Truth is that Satan, as the father of lies (John 8:44), confuses Truth and lies even though they couldn’t be more opposite. And he does this really, really well. Scripture promises that this will get progressively more intense, “For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths” (2 Timothy 4:3-4). Can you think of any teachers or myths with influence being spread today?

The stakes are high, so high that I started a website six years ago to remind others (and continue to myself), that Truth is the most important thing, and it must be sought out. If we are passive and not intentional to seek Truth, we will be swept into the current of lies, so subtly we’ll never even realize it’s happened. I know because that happened to me. I don’t want that even for enemies, but especially not for you, friends.

So I fight against the father of lies by sharing about the Truth when I am given the words. Particularly for me, I fight against the lie of the ego that we are immune to lies. My old post called The Truth about Philosophy and Mental Health is an example of working this out in my own life. I’ve learned the hard way that we must keep our eyes on the Truth, or we may be subject to the wrong king. What would happen if instead of shying away from Truth out of fear of the unknown, we chose to embrace it? For me, it changed everything and it was more than worth the risk.

If we don’t take the risk, we may get to a point where we are told the Truth, and even though we hear it, we don’t recognize it to be True. This happened not only to me but to king Ahab in Scripture. He fell for the trap of his own preference, and believed the lies of the false god prophets, who he chose to follow over Micaiah, who was a prophet of the Lord (2 Chronicles 18). When Truth is clearly presented to us, how do we recognize it when we see it? We must recognize the importance of Truth, seek it, and keep ourselves sensitive to it, no matter the cost. Truth is always worth it.

Seek Truth with all your heart! There is nothing more important. That’s why Life with the King exists. It’s all about Truth, and seeking it for yourselves in the deepest way possible. May you find what you are seeking. Amen.

“They bend their tongue like a bow; falsehood and not truth has grown strong in the land; for they proceed from evil to evil, and they do not know me, declares the Lord. Let everyone beware of his neighbor, and put no trust in any brother, for every brother is a deceiver, and every neighbor goes about as a slanderer. Everyone deceives his neighbor, and no one speaks the truth; they have taught their tongue to speak lies; they weary themselves committing iniquity.  Heaping oppression upon oppression, and deceit upon deceit, they refuse to know me, declares the Lord” (Jeremiah 9:3-6).

“And many false prophets will arise and lead many astray” (Matthew 24:11).

“...they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen” (Romans 1:25).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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Praise before Victory

I hold onto the promise of Jesus’ ultimate victory over all the pain and tears in this world. The battles of anxiety and fear often feel futile to me in the moment. I easily lose my perspective of God’s sovereignty in the moment of overwhelm, worry, or feeling powerless. A grateful heart full of praise, even when the feeling or circumstance is anything but hopeful, is how God invites us to respond in the face of every battle. The Kingdom of God goes completely against logic, and worship is a powerful way God invites us to rebel against the ways of this world.

I love that the Bible preserves a story of Judah sending not the strongest of soldiers, but the loudest and most fervent of worshippers, onto the front lines of an actual battle against a “great multitude” (2 Chronicles 20:2). At first, King Jehoshaphat “…was afraid and set his face to seek the Lord, and proclaimed a fast throughout all Judah” (2 Chronicles 20:3). Like last week’s blog talked about with King Asa, the battle odds didn’t look good for God’s people. Jehoshaphat led the people to seek God before acting out of fear, and a resounding victory came from God to His people as a result.

Worth the note that Jehoshaphat’s initial fear was not the problem. Human fear is a legitimate and real emotion that shouldn’t be suppressed, but it’s what we do in the face of it that can lead to problems. Jehoshaphat used fear as a drive to seek the Lord with everything he could, fasting, praying, and declaring God’s character back to Him (2 Chronicles 20:6-12). When we seek the Lord as Jehoshaphat did here, fear doesn’t have to lead to the sin of going our own way to make it go away. Its resolution will instead be the result of relationship with God, knowing His character, and praying for His will to be done. Fear the emotion is a tool, while the spirit of fear, or living in fear, is something very different, “for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:7).

By the Holy Spirit, a Levite named Jahaziel spoke to Judah on the Lord’s behalf, saying that “…the battle is not yours but God’s… . You will not need to fight in this battle. Stand firm, hold your position, and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf…” (2 Chronicles 20:15c & 17a). What a beautiful picture, to stand firm and hold your position. Not crumbling under fear, but choosing to trust the promises of God. When we praise and worship God, that is what we are doing. Our worship is the act of standing firm in our position of reliance on God. When we worship, we participate in His victory over the world.

Do you need victory in your life over addiction, fear, depression, hardship that is too much to sort out on your own? Praise God. Praise Him before you see a victory in the material world. Worship Him with a grateful heart before you have received what you are grateful for at all. Let your praise and worship go before you in the battle you face today, before your defenses, strategies, or your impulse to control or diffuse tensions. In the face of the battle, do the illogical, unexpected, revolutionary, radical thing and worship God for His victory over every hardship you face. Let your spirit join with His in gratitude and declaration of the truth, that He has already won, and His victory includes the one you need today.

Those who Jehoshaphat sent to sing and praise, saying, “‘Give thanks to the Lord, for his steadfast love endures forever’” (2 Chronicles 20: 21c), began praising before the Lord intervened; as Scripture says, “And when they began to sing and praise, the Lord set an ambush against the men of Ammon, Moab, and Mount Seir, who had come against Judah, so that they were routed” (2 Chronicles 20:22). When we worship out of trust in the Lord, He responds with His victory.

“But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him” (John 4:23).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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Fear of a Relational God

I’ve been thinking about Abraham lately, known as “the friend of God.” There are a few human beings that scholars would consider to be God’s friends, including Moses, who I wrote about in a previous post, Faithful Friend. Abraham is a fascinating character in the Bible, willing to give up his long-awaited, only son Isaac out of obedience, respect, and righteous fear of God.

As God’s friend, Abraham knew many facets of God’s character (check out my Characteristics of God series for a non-comprehensive list!). He knew God is not just a great friend, but that God was One to be feared. Abraham obeyed out of a healthy fear of God. In fact, fear was what God’s test for Abraham was all about. Just before Abraham was about to sacrifice Isaac, “He said, ‘Do not lay your hand on the boy or do anything to him, for now I know that you fear God, seeing you have not withheld your son, your only son, from me” (Genesis 21:17). God was looking for a reverent fear of Him in Abraham’s heart and is looking for it in our hearts today.

I’ve also been thinking about the many roles of relationship God fills for those of us who seek and follow Him–He’s like a father who protects and disciplines, He’s like a mother who comforts and nurtures, He’s like a friend who we confide in and consult with. God is all and more for us. God’s essence is pure relationship, Father, Son and Holy Spirit; He miraculously, staggeringly, incredibly invites us into that amazing, harmonious, loving relationship between the Three Persons, not because He is lonely in the least, but because it’s the greatest relationship ever and He wants us to be in on it!

Deep relationship with God and the fear of God, then, seem to be very much intertwined. Knowing God’s character requires us to know and trust Him and His character enough to obey Him, even when it seems illogical or senseless–especially then. That means putting aside fears of looking silly or embarrassed in front of people, and fearing the consequences of disobeying our trusted Friend and all-powerful God more.

Have you ever sinned and immediately felt the separation from relationship with God? Felt it suddenly become a little more difficult to talk to Him or listen to Him? When that happened to me, I understood what fearing God looked like in real life better. Knowing how good having close relationship with God is made me start to fear losing it. When we lose it, it can be so much harder to discern His will for us. Close relationship with God is health and life and thriving, no matter the circumstances of our lives. Yes, He’s THAT good!

Just today I was reading about king Asa, the great great grandson of king David, one of the few kings who “did what was good and right in the eyes of the Lord his God” (2 Chronicles 14:2). There was peace for years under Asa’s reign, but when an army of a million came against Asa’s army of 580,000, he didn’t panic. Asa cried out to God, and God not only defeated the army, but it “fell until none remained alive, for they were broken before the Lord and his army” (2 Chronicles 14:13b). That’s what reliance on the Lord looks like. When we rely on Jesus, He defeats anything that tries to kill, steal, and destroy our spirit.

After Scripture explains how the enemy army fell before Asa’s army, it says, “they [Asa’s army] attacked all the cities…for the fear of the Lord was upon them…” (2 Chronicles 14:14). God’s power and strength was demonstrated through the army, even though they weren’t even 6 to the enemy’s 10. When the odds were not in their favor, just as with David against Goliath, Daniel in the den of lions, and many other examples, God was in their favor and that is all that matters in the end.

And that’s all that matters in the end for us today. God has already conquered the sin that keeps us apart from Him through Jesus’ sacrifice for our sin. But to fully share in His victory, He invites us into relationship with Him. God wants us to seek Him and know His character. To know Him IS to fear Him, and He is worth fearing. A healthy fear of God involves reverence, devotion, obedience, and at the times when it keeps us within His will and not our own, a fear also of the consequences of God’s displeasure.

We see God’s displeasure with people lead to their demise often in the Old Testament. But even in the New Testament, fear of God’s displeasure with the contrivances and deceit of the heart is found in the story of Ananias and Sapphira, who lied to the community of believers they were a part of and to the Holy Spirit about money given to their ministry (Acts 5: 1-11). A fear of God came over everyone in the community when they saw that Ananias and Sapphira had received God’s divine judgment for their sin of lying. Their actions went directly against God’s work in building trust and unity. Peter told Ananias that Satan, who is also called the father of lies (John 8:44), had filled their hearts, instead of God’s Holy Spirit (Acts 5:3). God is infinitely more powerful than Satan, and is to be feared above anything that Satan could ever do.

God is patiently waiting for our hearts to be turned toward Him, and He invites us to trust Him and obey Him and seek relationship with Him. He is always speaking to us, always desiring deeper relationship with us. He is always present, and He never leaves us. May we have the fear of God, and may we stand with Jesus in His eternal victory! Amen.

“But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Corinthians 15:57).

“For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome. For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?” (1 John 5:3-5).

“You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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Endure Until the End

It is a heroic characteristic to endure. If we are able to have the blessing of sticking it out in this life, we endure its hardships and suffering. But movies send the misleading message that right after hardship, things immediately get better and stay that way. Reality, however, doesn’t pan out that way. Yet, because Jesus gives us hope beyond this world, we can endure, and if we have the faith, we can also trust that Jesus will make it all worth it in His Kingdom.

Jesus said of the end times, “Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved” (Matthew 24:12-12). We aren’t promised better times; in fact, we are assured that the wickedness we must endure will get progressively worse.

Love must not grow cold in us, but must be kept warm in our hearts in order to endure, and we are warned that most people will fail at this. It is love that indicates our ability to stand firm to the very end.

Love is first on the list of fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22. In my own experience, love is not possible without the help of the Holy Spirit. I am keenly aware how much my flesh opposes love, a tension I’ve wrestled hard with; the world tells us we “love” each other just fine thank you very much, but the world’s love is not God’s unselfish, uninhibited, deeply caring, unconditional, eternity-enduring LOVE. The flesh, or the desire for self-preservation and avoidance of pain, gets annoyingly in the way of that kind of love.

To die to self is the only way to let the God-given, miraculous kind of love flow through us, and to choose to live by the Spirit instead of the flesh. As far as I’ve been able to learn in my journey, to deny the flesh and live by the Spirit is what we must do to be able to endure in love until the end of this age.

On days like today, my flesh wants to enter into the world’s system and way, and fight on my own strength from a place of fear disguised as anger and a sense of rightful injustice. Today I need to work extra hard to remember the Truth–that “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still” (Exodus 14:14). And that we are not of this world, “But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ,” (Philippians 3:20). We are to seek first the kingdom of God (Matthew 6:33), (because isn’t that hard enough for us?), and trust that God will provide, no matter how bad things look.

A necessary disclaimer I must add here is that of course I know that there are those whom God has given the strength to work for justice in this world, even among the increase of wickedness, and they are doing good and necessary work that I admire and applaud. But anyone who works against the tide of wickedness and endure in love must be given a God-given purpose in their work, not of fear. It’s the fear-driven anger I feel that tells me that work is not mine to do. And that is the perspective I’m coming from it all with today.

Things are getting harder. But God has not let us be blindsided by this fact; He warned us long ago. And He calls us to endure. Endure in faith. Endure in love. Endure in hope. “Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted” (Hebrews 12:3). To endure, we must keep our eyes fixed on Jesus. Amen.

Remember that out of great tribulation comes a promise, “They shall hunger no more, neither thirst anymore; the sun shall not strike them, nor any scorching heat. For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their shepherd, and he will guide them to springs of living water, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes” (Revelation 7:16-17).

“Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord‘” (Romans 12:17-19).

“Therefore as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity” (Colossians 3: 12-14).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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Connection to Jesus

Life is full of distractions, and our 2025 technology seems to have accelerated them to the point of using our own brains against us, to keep us feeding on the unending stream of things being sold, joked about, discussed with reverence or respect, whatever package you prefer them to be in. The algorithms can pinpoint your preferences with all the research behind gambling psychology. We all have so much to contend with to get a quiet moment away from technology. But what happens when we finally find that quiet moment to connect with God?

What about when reading the Bible doesn’t feel dynamic and alive, but instead feels like a chore to check off the list? This is the point I recently reached, and realized my connection with Jesus had dropped out of the interaction entirely when I tried to read the Bible. I knew something was wrong, and needed to get honest about it. I discovered that when reading the Bible became stale to my overstimulated brain, so did my relational connection to Jesus. I needed to repent over the condition of my heart, which had become too cluttered to connect in the ways I’d come to expect or take for granted.

I’m reminded of the parable of the seed found in the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, and Luke, specifically when the seed falls among thorns, but the thorns choke the plants. In Luke, Jesus explains the meaning of the parable to His curious apostles, “The seed [the word of God] that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature” (Luke 8:14). I believe we have, are, or will all be in the position of experiencing the thorns in our soil in some season of life. We all have to contend with how we live in the world around us that constantly distracts for gains, fear, and has no problem using lies to spread that fear. It can be easy to fall into worry or numbing with the pleasures available to us in this world just to avoid the feeling or responsibility for a moment.

But here in this same parable, Jesus tells us there is another way. Being good soil is possible for us through Him. Connecting with Him is available to us. To not be distracted from Jesus by the worries, riches, and pleasures of this world actually IS possible. Jesus tells us we will know we are in Him by the crop [of the Fruits of the Spirit] we produce (Luke 8:15). Are we walking in the love, peace, and joy that this world may see as foolish and naive but that comes from Jesus, who sees and acknowledges every tear shed on this earth and has promised to wipe every tear from our eyes? (Revelation 7:17). Are we acting in self control towards our vices by surrendering our weaknesses to Jesus or are we trying to control the vices on our own and giving in to them every time?

Many, many people are distracted in many different ways from connecting with Jesus, and they may even act happy about the way it’s going in their lives. I’ve witnessed many people that have convinced themselves they are content with the way things are. They like the game the world plays and get a thrill in playing along. But I’m not convinced, not for a moment. Deep down in their souls, they know it’s not fulfilling, lasting, or life-giving. It’s merely surviving, not thriving. We were all created to thrive, abiding deeply in connection to Jesus our Savior and King. Nothing else will satisfy. There is no other way.

So today, if you’ve been choked by life’s worries, riches, and pleasures to the point of aiming to please the world or men and not God, I invite you to surrender it all to Jesus. Surrender your life and you will gain it (Matthew 16:25). Friends, there is no other way.

The only way I’ve found to be okay with losing my life, is to take the time in the Bible, His Living Word, to know and trust Jesus. I couldn’t trust Him without knowing Him, and don’t know of anybody who could. To do that takes curiosity, sometimes desperation, to find that there has to be more to life available to us than what the algorithms deliver to our dopamine receptors. Connecting not only with our minds but in our hearts to who Jesus really is, is sacred. Not relying on who pastors or podcasters or friends say Jesus is to them, or who He should be to us, but who He is to us and us alone when we seek Him with all of our hearts–that is special and unique and where real relationship with Him is found. There, in His immeasurable grace and kindness, may we find life and find it abundantly. Amen.

“For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it” (Matthew 16:25).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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Falling Awake

Historically, sleep has been one of the biggest struggles in my life. I’d sleep when it was time to be awake, and be awake when it was time for me to be asleep. Since I can remember, I’ve had nightmares of sleeping through my alarm and missing something important (even though I can’t remember one time when I actually did).

I’ve felt like I was running late for my whole life, never feeling like I was calm or collected or fully present when I’d show up to pretty much anything. My soul was stressed trying to catch up to wherever my body was due to be. And I’d beat myself up for it. Why did I have to be that way? So I’ve made myself suffer more than anyone else, and been my own worst enemy too. When I finally matured enough to understand the importance of loving myself, well, I was rudely awakened (pun intended).

But this isn’t really a story about literal sleep. I want to tell the story of being asleep spiritually. Only we know where we are spiritually–that’s a private, intimate understanding between you and God alone. No one keeps us accountable for how much we’ve died to ourselves and surrendered to God today. We experience the consequences of that, certainly. But we don’t have the accountability of others unless we invite them into that journey, and they’re willing to walk with us.

Since my life completely spun out last year, I’ve had no other option but to ask for help. I had to let go of the pride that tried to convince me I could handle it with just me and God. Initially, it was purely a survival move to ask for help, not a spiritual one.

If you’re suffering, and trying to handle things alone, let this be an encouragement to let go of what’s holding you back. Ask for what you need. Needing help is not weak, it’s human. Remember that none of us can do anything on our own anyway. We’re just not as powerful in that way as the world wants us to believe, and that is a relief because it helps to move towards what we authentically are–broken and in need of help and a Savior. And in Jesus, we are given His authority to be more powerful than any powers or principalities in this world; through our weakness He is strong (2 Corinthians 12:10). Lay down whatever you’re holding on to and ask for the help you need to be more fully who you really are, and not what the world wants you to be.

I’d heard about surrendering to God for years, but had convinced myself I didn’t really know how to do that. How was I supposed to find time to surrender to God? I had bills, demands on my time, and a mind that could barely focus or be still without it feeling like torture. How was I supposed to even know what He was saying to me so that I could obey?

Those of you who have walked with the Lord a long time will know that I had drifted from the heart of God and wasn’t putting Him first in my life. It had happened slowly and gradually over the course of several years. I spent less time in prayer, less time in the Scriptures, less time desiring to be in His presence and in worship of Him. I spent more time thinking about my own life, where I wanted it to go and what I wanted to do, and unknowingly started building my own kingdom, like I wrote about last week in Jesus’ Kingdom vs. my kingdom. Spiritually, I wasn’t growing. When I’m not growing in relationship with Jesus, I feel like I’m dying. And I was.

But once I asked for help, and stopped pretending everything was good enough to keep going without any changes, I started to wake up, or to “fall awake.” I started to realize I had been asleep to God’s leading, asleep to the subtle changes that indicated I was growing further apart from His will, and asleep to who He had made me to be. I had been living in a way that had become resigned to the status quo, and just trying to get by. I was too tired, burned out, and stressed to wake up. Until I was simply unable to live like that anymore.

I got accountability, reduced responsibility, and focused on enjoying life again. And soon, God convicted me about surrender. I thought I’d surrendered my life to Jesus many times. I’d even surrendered each area of struggle and sin in prayer at a Freedom conference in 2023. But my life didn’t look different, it just felt more like a trap.

God gave me His whole heart, and had been patiently, kindly waiting for me to give my whole heart to Him too. He never asks us to do anything He hasn’t already done first. I had to give my whole life to Him, not just the parts I was comfortable with. I had to surrender all, just like the hymn says.

For me I’ve learned that surrender means not moving ahead with a decision without praying first and waiting for discernment, peace, and understanding from God. Surrender means not letting fear keep me from driving a car or talking to strangers or being vulnerable in a blog post, not by willpower or unfounded affirmations, but because Jesus is enough for me. He empowers us to lean on Him even as we do things that scare us and are uncomfortable for us and trigger our nervous system to shut down. Even there, I am being taught to trust Him in those moments to never forsake me, and to be strong when I am weak.

Surrender means dying to self daily (see The Serpent’s Question). Surrender for me means trusting God for provision when I can’t provide for myself, and changing my career to be aligned with who He made me to be and furthering His Kingdom in all the ways He has made me able. Surrender ultimately means living freely and lightly (Matthew 11:30).

There’s no quick fix, no way to surrender once and for all. It’s an ongoing, living, breathing relationship with Jesus that sustains us in a life of surrender to Him. And there’s no better life to live, because it leads us to freedom and eternal life with Him, the King of Kings.

So, I’m still working on surrendering everything every day, and will be for the rest of my life. Surrendering my literal sleep, a place where I’ve allowed years of shame to come on me, is one of the areas I’m working on now. But I have immeasurable hope, whereas before my hope had grown dull. God who began the good work He started in us will carry it on to completion (Philippians 1:6), no matter how far we may fall along the way. But once we are awake to His truth and His life, we can continue to choose to stay awake.

May we stay awake to the voice of God, and to the work He is accomplishing in the earth.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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Jesus’ Kingdom vs. my kingdom

Tomorrow I am about to do something that one year ago I wasn’t sure I would again…drive on a highway.

I quit my corporate job almost one year ago. I was miserable, burned out, and wasn’t able to drive a car because it would trigger a horrible panic attack. My body was tired from constant anxiety and a high heart rate. I thought that by staying at a “good” job I was being responsible, taking care of my own life. But oh, how much I was missing! I can only see now in hindsight that my soul was dying. No matter what I did I couldn’t shake that feeling. I was living in the cage I’d unknowingly built for myself, filled with fear and devoid of true surrender. (Creed’s “My Own Prison,” anyone?)

I got to a point last year when the only thing I hadn’t tried was letting go of the idea of controlling my own life. Control was something that I had believed I had to have so fiercely that I couldn’t discern that there was any other way to think. I’d nod at sermons saying to let God be in control, but I had no idea what that really meant for me in my own life. Well, this is the year I found out!

At my wit’s end in a constant state of anxiety, I was forced to take the chance, and tried my very best (pretty badly) to force myself to trust that God would make a way for me as I actively let go of my job. I took a step not knowing what I was going to do next, but at least trusting that I couldn’t stay where I was while also living the life of thriving and wholeness in Christ that I have believed in and have been inching toward since 2015 when I gave my life to Jesus. I just knew He didn’t want me to feel like I was dying every day. He doesn’t want anyone to feel that way.

If you do feel that way today, know that you aren’t alone. Know that that isn’t how life is supposed to feel. Know that God has better for you and always, ALWAYS gives us a way out of our ways of death and into His abundant life. But it will be painful at first to first realize what has been allowed in your life and then to let go of what feels normal. It sure has been for me.

This last year, my life has been testimony story after testimony story of how God restored me inside and out. He provided a real rest, which I so desperately needed after forcing myself to work on something that was not good for my spirit for so long. He used my family to help me enjoy living again, walking again, cooking again, doing things that I actually enjoy again. He healed me from the constant state of panic that I had been suffering with for months. He inspired me to be creative and use my creativity again–but for His Kingdom, not my own. He restored my soul (Psalm 23:3) by teaching me how to wait for and hear His voice. He gave me opportunity to serve others. He is faithful to complete the good work He started in us (Philippians 1:6). Please don’t forget, because it’s so easy to, but remember that He will never leave you, and He will make a way for life in your soul with Him.

So what about tomorrow? I’m driving a long distance, because God healed me of the fear that kept me stuck not driving for months, to go to a place where God called me to go, and be in a place where He called me to be. I can be free, and it’s only because of Him and His work in me. He freed me not only of the mental cage of having to be in control, but the physical restriction of being unable to get myself anywhere in a car. He is truly the Healer. In whatever way you may need healing in your life today, friends, go to Jesus. His Kingdom is the only one that will last, and the only one that brings life.

“as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:18).

“‘To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever!'” (Revelation 5: 13b)

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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Breaking Two Years’ Silence with Self Love

I’m just realizing my last post was 23 months ago.

I no longer have the desire to blog in the way I used to, spending hours pouring over every word, a little nervous every time I would click “publish.” While I am so grateful for what I was able to share, I couldn’t continue in the old process; I needed time away. Sustaining the writing process is a huge part of blogging, and I needed time to find a better way. So, if you you’re here for the first time, welcome. If you’re still here, thank you. I’ve loved having this space to share my life with the King of all, and I am so grateful to be able to get back to it.

I am in the middle of a season of working on self love, recently kicked into high gear. I don’t know about you, but loving myself never came as naturally to me as loving others. I’ve learned that they truly go hand in hand. The cliche is entirely true, that you have to love yourself before you are capable of fully and truly loving others well. We are all so connected, much more than we tend to realize. The way we love ourselves, or don’t, affects others whether we realize it or not.

So, how do we love ourselves?

For those of us who struggle with this, I’ve found it helps to first rest in Jesus. We can’t white-knuckle our way to loving ourselves, we have to let ourselves go. For me I think it’s the control that I try to keep, often without even realizing it, that blocks love from flowing. When we rest in Jesus, our defenses aren’t up, we are present, and we are showing up in trust of Him that He will keep us safe as we rest. Self love requires trust, and faith in Jesus’ strength, not our own. We can rest sweetly because of Him.

Another way is through the renewing of our mind. Taking every thought captive that is negative about ourselves, recognizing it as something that doesn’t belong and isn’t from Jesus, and resisting, praying that Jesus would release us from the grip of the enemy and keep him far, far away. And, injecting some praise and worship music into that process, rejoicing in the Lord and repeating some declaration lyrics doesn’t hurt either!

And while there are many other ways to love ourselves, the last one I’ll share is to take time to care for the body. Body and mind work together and both need intention to keep aligned with love. Vagal toning exercises to calm the vagus nerve, core strengthening exercises, and strength training have made the biggest impact for me. Strong bodies are needed to support a strong mind, and vice versa. Every time we invest in our bodies, we are also investing in a solid defense mentally against negativity, and lies or doubts about ourselves.

Thanks for reading my first little post in two years (!), and let me know in the comments what has helped you in your own self love journey, let’s support each other as we love ourselves to love others as Jesus loves us.

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3 Ways to Walk in Humility

This past weekend, I took a silent retreat on a beautiful little property where life was thriving. The bugs, beetles, flowers, and animals were all singing their songs happily in the summer sun. I had never been there before, and going in, I thought I would use the time in silence to reflect and grieve and process life with the Lord. However, my environment had such an effect on me, that I couldn’t help but pay attention to it. I got caught up in the dance between butterflies, the ripples in the pond, the scent of an old pine tree, the coo of a dove. I couldn’t help but find joy in the moment and in being where I was among so much beauty, designed by our Creator. I felt free to wonder and be in awe in the present moment.

But a few days later, that feeling has worn off. I woke up feeling the same dread that I’ve woken up with on many days; dread of the sadness I’ve endured and sadness I’ve yet to endure. Dread of the pain and process of living. And while that’s a legitimate emotion that should be fully acknowledged and felt and processed, I want to challenge myself and anyone who can relate, with the truth that that feeling is based on an assumption of going through life without God’s presence. Of doing life on our own. But the truth is that God is with me just as much today as He was during my retreat, thus, the feeling is simply unfounded. Not worthless, not shameful, but normal and human. And also, the feeling is robbing me of the full joy of being, here and now. I challenge you and myself to choose to believe the truth that God’s presence is here and provides every reason for joyfulness, even on days when we wake up and don’t feel it’s true. What is true is that He has provided all we could ever need.  

Humility is depending on the Lord to provide. 

We all encounter this dilemma of choosing between humility and pride, both in the big and small decisions in life. I have discussed an aspect of this before in my post, Dealing with Pride. We all want our way, sometimes overtly and sometimes subconsciously, but beneath it all is the same sinister thing that keeps us from humbly submitting to the Lord and trusting His goodness and provision. This makes us feel distant, can turn into that feeling of dread or worse. This is something that we all deal with and learning to deal with it in healthy and life-giving ways can make all the difference in the very trajectory of our lives. We all are born with pride, it’s the human condition, so we all must learn to handle it when it does wash over or take hold of our perspective. So how do we handle pride in a healthy way that won’t distance our hearts from God further?   

1. Remember how God dealt with you kindly even in your worst moments.

An amazing story in the Bible of not only God’s kindness, but the kindness of people for each other is found in the book of Ruth. Kindness is the thread that runs throughout the short four chapters and it goes around the characters like a chain reaction. Kindness and humility go hand in hand. Boaz’s character reflects that of the Lord, who sees our humble loyalty to Him and rewards it with blessing. 

Later in the story, Ruth proposes marriage to Boaz, an extremely bold and humble thing to do, as it vulnerably demonstrates her dependence on him. Boaz dealt with her boldness kindly. It is out of a keen awareness and gratitude for God’s kindness that true humility can rise up in our hearts and help us to act in the love that Jesus calls us to. Even when we don’t act in great love as Ruth did here for her mother-in-law Naomi, we can all think of ways the Lord has dealt kindly with us. As Romans 2:4 says, it is God’s kindness that leads us to repentance. Fully owning our worst moments and repenting of our pride is the first step in humility.  

2. Decide, once and for all, to pursue genuine change of heart with Jesus.

At some point in our lives, we have to make the choice in faith that God’s way truly is best for us. We all have that decision to make for ourselves, whether His will for the long term is better than getting our way in the short term. There comes a point when we must stop excusing our pride away. At some point we need to acknowledge that anytime and every time that temptation arises, it is never justified to act upon it and follow it if we have committed our lives to following Jesus. We need to recognize it for what it really is, idolatry of the self. By letting our own will rule our perspective, we are placing ourselves in a place only God is righteous, just, and loving enough to fill.

When we are able to own up to our sinful nature, not just a single event or instance, but our heart condition of sin, only then can we fully allow Jesus through the door of our hearts to begin to heal what pride has twisted up in us. When we rely on Jesus with our entire self, we are no longer powerless against pride. We are instead empowered by the Spirit of the Living God to walk in love and humility, even becoming able to truly love our enemies because of God’s love for us while we were still His enemies. This ability is the beautiful and mysterious truth about authentic followers of Jesus. But it doesn’t come easily, and it doesn’t happen immediately. It takes a very close, intimate relationship with Jesus, spending time learning from Him and knowing His love ourselves, not through anyone else’s opinion or experience. It may be helpful to remember that even the demons “knew” Jesus, but they did not believe with a personal trust in Him, which is the kind of knowledge we’re talking about. Knowing Him and His character takes time, just as any relationship does, but it starts with faith that this long journey of learning and seeking to understand the love of Jesus is worth it. 

3. Remember Jesus is King and you are not. 

The more we learn about Jesus, the more beautiful, healing, and powerful we understand Jesus to be, it’s important to remain aware that we will come to identify ourselves with Him, because He identifies so closely and intimately with us. However, we must understand that there is potential in that process for pride to sneak in. Yes, we can identify with Jesus, we model our love and humility after Him. But we must remember who we are, under the authority and ownership of the King, Jesus Christ. Though He can and does work through us, we are not the judge, ever. At best, we may hope to be called His servants, a title of the highest honor for any mortal. As His, we are abundantly provided for, perfectly protected, and infinitely loved. In His care, there is no more need to look for satisfaction in the things that tempt us, because we know where true satisfaction is found, and we have found Him. 

Where is our heart’s condition and motives? This is what Jesus looks at; He fully knows the true condition of our hearts. Come into His presence today. Allowing ourselves to be driven by pride is damaging to us in the long term, but He knows what it’s done to our hearts, and He seeks to fully heal and restore each and every one to wholeness as His beloved ones.

It is only in His presence that our heart is fully at home.  

While only Jesus heals, there is responsibility on our part for our own heart’s condition. It is always God’s will to heal us of our pride and gently, patiently teach us the humility of Jesus, but He always takes our choices into account. Friends, I invite you to choose to know His presence with you in a fresh and deeply healing way. I invite you to the perspective that there is always reason to rejoice because of His presence and salvation. I invite you to stand in awe and wonder in the present Presence of the Lord, because there we are home.

Further Reading: The Prodigal God by Timothy Keller

“…I rejoice in your salvation.” (1 Samuel 2:1, ESV). 

“But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.’” (1 Samuel 16:7, ESV).  

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace. 

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Remembering Eden

As I mentioned in my last post, The Intimate Love of God, God loves each of us in a profound, meaningful, specific way. I recently heard someone say, “Religion is something to lean on;” and while I can understand that, rather, I see God as Someone to lean on. The relationship is more personal, maybe than we’ve ever considered before. I shared in my last post how God spoke to me through my appreciation for the beauty of a flower, but odds are that’s not the way God would speak meaningfully to your heart. Maybe you’re wondering what it might look like. Maybe you’ve yet to experience it, or maybe it’s been a while.

Thankfully, we can all rest in the truth that God meets us right where we are. When He speaks to us in ways that resonate at our core, His meaning often can just hit us right between the eyes. And in my experience, that’s often when I’m not really looking! When God speaks, His meaning can rush upon us all at once, without any need to analyze (but honestly, we probably do anyway). In speaking to us profoundly, God actually reflects back to us how we see, showing each of us in different and diverse ways that He not only knows us, but He understands how we understand, and can speak to us powerfully because of it.

Diverse Facets of Seeing*  

Maybe for you, you see and appreciate integrity and rightness above pretty much everything else. Virtue and wholeness speak to your soul in a special way. You’re always looking for it, often expecting it, and when you don’t see it in the world, you notice. You feel most at ease when things are in balance and when they meet an innate and intuitive standard of goodness. 

Or maybe instead, you deeply value love and appreciation. Giving care and being needed is an honor and a privilege that you don’t take lightly. You have a keen awareness of what is needed, and are happy to deliver whenever and for whoever you can. You love in ways that are deeply rooted in genuine care and concern for others. 

Perhaps this still doesn’t resonate for you, and instead you appreciate respect for significance, both of yourself and other people. Glory, not in an idolatrous way at all, but in a way that inspires awe, gives you a feeling like nothing else. When something is the best it can be, whether it is an experience, an object, a situation, a relationship, that feels like home to you.

Or maybe like me, you respond to beauty more than most everything else and appreciate how it speaks volumes about the truth. You’ll take the authentic truth above all because honesty and genuine connection requires it. Deep connection is something that fills you up. 

Or instead, perhaps endless, perfect knowledge speaks volumes to you. You enjoy having a wealth of knowledge to gain valuable insight into the interconnectedness of all things. You appreciate the wisdom to be had in knowing and understanding as much as possible, including life and vitality itself.

Maybe for you nothing speaks to your heart more than perfect security, total provision, and unwavering supportiveness and faithfulness. You recognize the deep importance of this and try to model your own life in this way, loyally supporting other people. 

Or maybe instead, joy and joyful perspective speaks volumes to you. You value experiencing new and exciting things, taking great delight in enjoyment of them. You also see being in a content and satisfied state as something very valuable; you appreciate it when you see it in the world or experience it yourself. 

Perhaps instead, deep trust and trustworthiness mean the most to you. You have an innate sense of knowing that strength, power, and justice are extremely valuable, and the role that trust plays in those qualities. You know the need for and want to have strong and steady protective power available for you and those you love. 

Finally, maybe instead you place the most value on true peace and stability, especially when it comes to your inner world and the people you know. You feel most at home when and where you can experience real and deep harmony, unity, kindness, and patience for all.

Whichever of these nine ways of seeing resonates the most with you, each one actually values a particular characteristic of God, all of which were available to us in the Garden of Eden. What we value and how we see speaks to God’s original design for us, which was ultimately to thrive in His presence in the Garden of Eden. 

In Eden, God intended for us to have the fullness of all of these things that we now “remember” in the unique ways we see: goodness, love, glory, beauty, insight, security, joy, protection, and peace. 

Each of these things are things we know deeply are true, right, important, meaningful, and valuable. We can become frustrated when they do not fully materialize in our lives. We are constantly aware of their presence or absence in a given situation, without even trying. It’s as if we “know” the way it is intended to be. We “remember” with our innate intuition what it “should be like” even as we live and go about our days in a fallen world. We just can’t shake it. Do you feel this way too? A piece of Eden, I like to call it a “felt sense” of Eden, stays with us even now. As we reflect God’s design, we also intuitively try to restore the Garden-like state that we see is needed in our lives. Even though we know we’re not in Eden anymore and it’s a fallen world, we still see even the tiny glimpses of that original design.  

The Good News is that God is working to restore all that was lost. God is the fullness of all of these conditions in Eden and more. Jesus embodies them all, perfectly. In His presence, we too have the fullness of all nine of these things, not even just the one we favor the most. We were made for His presence in Eden, made to live in a place with the perfect, whole goodness, love, glory, beauty, insight, security, joy, protection, and peace found only in God.  

We all have a “felt sense” of at least one aspect of Eden’s paradise. 

Eden: where all was good, where perfect love permeated in every relationship, where the glory of God was palpable and reflected from every living thing, where wild beauty sang and soared with meaningful true connection, where insightful understanding was had by all, where all were securely provided for in every way, where delightful joy was in and poured from every heart, where trust held strong, and where unity and peace reigned. That, my friends, is where we belong. That is what God intended for us.  

Isn’t that amazing news? And by appreciating these aspects, not only can we better understand how God communicates to us, but in this we can be reminded that we truly do reflect His image. All of humanity was made to appreciate the facets of God uniquely. Even though Eden is gone, God retains these special pathways to see and communicate with Him that He placed in us from the Beginning, and He uses them to speak to our hearts in ways that nothing and no one else can. Friends, even when things feel silent and dark, take heart, all is not lost. Restoration is happening, even now.

May the way you see proclaim the truth of Christ’s fulfillment of our need for Eden to your heart today. 

“But, as it is written, ‘What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him.’–” (1 Corinthians 2:9). 

*Language for and aspects of the ways of seeing were incorporated from Your Enneagram Coach and work by Marilyn Vancil.  

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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