Category: Truth and Faith

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Sanctification and Fruitfulness

This year, I’ve visited more farms than I can remember visiting in any previous summer. I’ve picked strawberries, peaches, and flowers. I’ve smelled the Maryland tomatoes and cantaloupes piled high in farmer’s market bins. I’ve felt the sun more than I have since I was in middle school. It’s been healing.

Stale, work computer-charged air a distant memory, I’ve been appreciating the delight of abundance this harvest season. The earth’s harvest is very symbolic in Scripture; it has so much to teach us, especially if, like me, you’ve had to adapt to measuring time by email deadlines rather than by the seasons of Creation.

The harvest season comes with a lot of opportunity to connect with God and each other. As summer yields the crop for the year, seeing the abundance of God’s provision has given me a childlike wonder and delight. A single fruit tree bearing incredible quantities of fruit in just one season has been quite a sight to behold on the farm.

I’ve been longing for the ability to make my own life fruitful to live in the beautiful ways Scripture says is possible (eg: John 15:5, Galatians 5:16-25). But I often feel sorely lacking, and in a season not of abundance but of drought. I’ve been reading about and longing for sanctification and frustrated by its slow, and at times painful, progress that takes a long time to yield fruit and a lifetime to be completed. Sanctification is hard to define, but it involves seeing the Truth to the point of no longer being deceived by selfish desires or goals to find fulfillment, and dedication to serving God and doing His will, instead of my own. This is foolishness to the world of email deadlines, profit margins, and fiscal year spreadsheets that I was entangled with for years, and the process of detangling has been a wild one.

Like the wheat and weeds grow up together, people who love Jesus grow here in the world along with everyone else and everything else (Matthew 13:24-30). Followers of Jesus are not to be removed, but to remain in the world and be an influence for good. Jesus prayed for His followers in His high priestly prayer before His arrest, “My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it” (John 17:15-16) (NIV). The answer to sanctification is not shutting out all of the entanglements, temptations, and evil and hope that that makes us good enough people. We can’t escape the world, nor does God want us to. What makes us able to be fruitful among it all is utter devotion to and dependence on Jesus and His sanctifying work in our hearts.

Jesus continues His prayer, “Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified” (John 17:17-19) (NIV). Jesus prayed for our sanctification. Sanctification involves abiding in Jesus. Abiding, like sanctification, is ongoing, not bound by time at all. We all live in the tension of waiting for the fullness of God’s provision and work in us. It isn’t something I can achieve or be rewarded with. It’s something I simply need to allow. Simple, yet, at least for me, incredibly difficult.

It’s worth it though, because sanctification leads to our lives bearing good fruit. As we allow God by the Holy Spirit (Romans 15:16, 1 Corinthians 6:11) to work in and sanctify us, we grow and mature. We are transformed by Him in holiness, or moral purity in our attitudes, thoughts, and actions. I’ve witnessed this change in people, and it’s simply miraculous.

The fruit that comes as a result of sanctification is loving people as God loves us, living with joy, walking in peace, caring with patience, bearing with others in kindness, and so on (Galatians 5:22-23). Sanctification involves our hearts, minds, and spirits coming to a place that no longer gives in to anything that blocks us from abiding in Him. And again, we’re on a lifelong journey to be sanctified. God is faithful to sanctify His people, even though it may feel slow and painful and impossible at times. This season of abundant, fruitful harvest reminds me of this hope for my own life.

There’s nothing we can do to earn sanctification or speed it up or work toward it. The work is allowing and completely depending on God to do the work that is needed in us, and having faith that He is, has been, and will be working. May God help us on the days we resist His work, and may our lives bear fruit as we allow Him to work through us. Amen.

“Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it” (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24).

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Romans 12:2).

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9).

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Take Heart

I hadn’t watched the news in a long time until yesterday. I don’t have regular TV and haven’t missed it. Horrors in the region, the state, the country, and the world all neatly packed into 2-minute segments, just long enough to instill a sense of fear or dread or can’t-miss-the-update-we’ll-oh-so-conveniently-bring-you-at-5. The world is full of stories, and now we know them whether we want to or not. Having peace in our hearts and minds is what we need to thrive, create, and learn new things. In such an environment, how do we have peace?

Thankfully, Jesus shows us how to break bad news to people we care about, without compromising their peace. In John 16, before His arrest, Jesus tells His disciples He’s going away, and that some scary things will happen, things they never imagined were possible. Then, in one of my favorite verses in the whole Bible, Jesus says, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). The world and peace don’t ever seem to coincide, even 2000 years ago. Jesus isn’t telling his friends horrible things to scare them, He’s saying that no matter what comes, peace is found in Him.

Circumstances we face may be terrible, but Jesus isn’t ignorant to them. He knows about them, He is not scared by them, and He is a steady place to go when things in the world try to knock us off balance. Jesus is where we can find peace.

About 60 years after Jesus’ time, the apostle Paul wrote to the early Christian church from prison, “I can do all things through him who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:11). Speaking of his imprisonment, Paul wrote to his friends with not only hopefulness but profound encouragement, “I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel, so that it has become known throughout the whole imperial guard and to all the rest that my imprisonment is for Christ” (Philippians 1:12-13). Paul knew that God was bigger than his predicament of being imprisoned, and that God hadn’t left him, evidenced clearly by the fruitfulness that came of it. You can almost hear the joy and peace in Paul’s tone when he writes, “…most of the brothers, having become confident in the Lord by my imprisonment, are much more bold to speak the word without fear” (Philippians 1:14).

Paul’s chains do not keep God from working through him, and in fact, his imprisonment may have helped the Gospel spread all the faster and more powerfully. So friends, there is no circumstance too dark or scary for God to walk with you in and work through you in. There is nothing that can separate us from His love (Romans 8:38-39).

The circumstances in the world will be difficult, yes. Oppressive, yes. Inducing of suffering, yes. But we are not left defenseless. Jesus gave us reason not to let the fear that the world can incite take over our hearts. Jesus gave us the Truth, that He has overcome the world (John 16:33). The Truth is compared in Scripture to the belt (Ephesians 6:14) in the description of the armor of God we are commanded to take up. Peace is compared to the shoes (Ephesians 6:15), needed for our sense of readiness. It is from a place of peace in Jesus that we can be ready to endure, solid as a pillar in the Truth, fully surrendered in trust that the Lord will provide all we need out of His deep and abiding love for us.

Though we will be challenged by the world daily to retreat in fear, Jesus tells us to “take heart” in the face of it all. He has overcome the world that scares, threatens, questions our identity, and challenges our faith. May we therefore take heart!

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints,” (Ephesians 6:10-18).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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Seeking Life’s Deeper Truth

Today I invite you to celebrate with me because six years ago today, I started Life with the King. My first post was called What To Do When You Struggle with Faith. The timestamp is a day late, July 25th, for some computer-y reason I couldn’t fix at the time. I remember having a blog launch party at my house with a few friends and games and food and I was so excited, but nervous. I’ve been journaling since I was seven years old, happy to have a private place to put my thoughts. The decision to be vulnerable enough to share thoughts with other people wasn’t easy, but at the time I just knew it was something I simply had to do. And I’m so glad I did. Six years later, and I still know it’s what I’m supposed to be doing.

The idea behind my website’s tagline, “Seeking Life’s Deeper Truth,” is something that I don’t know that I ever explained, or intended to explain. Those who get it will get it, I told myself. But perhaps now it’s time to go back six years and tell the story behind that tagline.

When I decided on the tagline “Seeking Life’s Deeper Truth,” I had just come from the previous six-year stretch from 2013-2019 of seeking Truth after finding myself caught in a lot of confusion and outright lies that I had sincerely thought were truths up until that point. I never believed in Santa Claus, but just imagine what it is like to find out the truth about him, only you’re an adult, then multiply it by about ten because it impacted every single area of life, and that’s roughly how it felt.

To believe that being a Christian means you’ll be happy every day, to believe that you’re doing everything you can to live well when your gods are television and weekends and looking successful in your career, to believe people need to earn their worth and find their identities in the world…the list could go on and on. I believed these and so many other outright lies and was angry that I had fallen for them. Truth became sacred to me in that period of time. That’s why I now capitalize the word Truth. And I also now believe that Truth has a name. Truth means everything to me in my life and faith journey. The interesting thing about Truth is that this world encourages us to give up on it, have a strange avoidant relationship with it, or lose sensitivity to it just to cope in the moment, while compromising long-term peace.

Confusion is a specialty of the enemy of our souls. The strange thing about Truth is that Satan, as the father of lies (John 8:44), confuses Truth and lies even though they couldn’t be more opposite. And he does this really, really well. Scripture promises that this will get progressively more intense, “For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths” (2 Timothy 4:3-4). Can you think of any teachers or myths with influence being spread today?

The stakes are high, so high that I started a website six years ago to remind others (and continue to myself), that Truth is the most important thing, and it must be sought out. If we are passive and not intentional to seek Truth, we will be swept into the current of lies, so subtly we’ll never even realize it’s happened. I know because that happened to me. I don’t want that even for enemies, but especially not for you, friends.

So I fight against the father of lies by sharing about the Truth when I am given the words. Particularly for me, I fight against the lie of the ego that we are immune to lies. My old post called The Truth about Philosophy and Mental Health is an example of working this out in my own life. I’ve learned the hard way that we must keep our eyes on the Truth, or we may be subject to the wrong king. What would happen if instead of shying away from Truth out of fear of the unknown, we chose to embrace it? For me, it changed everything and it was more than worth the risk.

If we don’t take the risk, we may get to a point where we are told the Truth, and even though we hear it, we don’t recognize it to be True. This happened not only to me but to king Ahab in Scripture. He fell for the trap of his own preference, and believed the lies of the false god prophets, who he chose to follow over Micaiah, who was a prophet of the Lord (2 Chronicles 18). When Truth is clearly presented to us, how do we recognize it when we see it? We must recognize the importance of Truth, seek it, and keep ourselves sensitive to it, no matter the cost. Truth is always worth it.

Seek Truth with all your heart! There is nothing more important. That’s why Life with the King exists. It’s all about Truth, and seeking it for yourselves in the deepest way possible. May you find what you are seeking. Amen.

“They bend their tongue like a bow; falsehood and not truth has grown strong in the land; for they proceed from evil to evil, and they do not know me, declares the Lord. Let everyone beware of his neighbor, and put no trust in any brother, for every brother is a deceiver, and every neighbor goes about as a slanderer. Everyone deceives his neighbor, and no one speaks the truth; they have taught their tongue to speak lies; they weary themselves committing iniquity.  Heaping oppression upon oppression, and deceit upon deceit, they refuse to know me, declares the Lord” (Jeremiah 9:3-6).

“And many false prophets will arise and lead many astray” (Matthew 24:11).

“...they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen” (Romans 1:25).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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Praise before Victory

I hold onto the promise of Jesus’ ultimate victory over all the pain and tears in this world. The battles of anxiety and fear often feel futile to me in the moment. I easily lose my perspective of God’s sovereignty in the moment of overwhelm, worry, or feeling powerless. A grateful heart full of praise, even when the feeling or circumstance is anything but hopeful, is how God invites us to respond in the face of every battle. The Kingdom of God goes completely against logic, and worship is a powerful way God invites us to rebel against the ways of this world.

I love that the Bible preserves a story of Judah sending not the strongest of soldiers, but the loudest and most fervent of worshippers, onto the front lines of an actual battle against a “great multitude” (2 Chronicles 20:2). At first, King Jehoshaphat “…was afraid and set his face to seek the Lord, and proclaimed a fast throughout all Judah” (2 Chronicles 20:3). Like last week’s blog talked about with King Asa, the battle odds didn’t look good for God’s people. Jehoshaphat led the people to seek God before acting out of fear, and a resounding victory came from God to His people as a result.

Worth the note that Jehoshaphat’s initial fear was not the problem. Human fear is a legitimate and real emotion that shouldn’t be suppressed, but it’s what we do in the face of it that can lead to problems. Jehoshaphat used fear as a drive to seek the Lord with everything he could, fasting, praying, and declaring God’s character back to Him (2 Chronicles 20:6-12). When we seek the Lord as Jehoshaphat did here, fear doesn’t have to lead to the sin of going our own way to make it go away. Its resolution will instead be the result of relationship with God, knowing His character, and praying for His will to be done. Fear the emotion is a tool, while the spirit of fear, or living in fear, is something very different, “for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:7).

By the Holy Spirit, a Levite named Jahaziel spoke to Judah on the Lord’s behalf, saying that “…the battle is not yours but God’s… . You will not need to fight in this battle. Stand firm, hold your position, and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf…” (2 Chronicles 20:15c & 17a). What a beautiful picture, to stand firm and hold your position. Not crumbling under fear, but choosing to trust the promises of God. When we praise and worship God, that is what we are doing. Our worship is the act of standing firm in our position of reliance on God. When we worship, we participate in His victory over the world.

Do you need victory in your life over addiction, fear, depression, hardship that is too much to sort out on your own? Praise God. Praise Him before you see a victory in the material world. Worship Him with a grateful heart before you have received what you are grateful for at all. Let your praise and worship go before you in the battle you face today, before your defenses, strategies, or your impulse to control or diffuse tensions. In the face of the battle, do the illogical, unexpected, revolutionary, radical thing and worship God for His victory over every hardship you face. Let your spirit join with His in gratitude and declaration of the truth, that He has already won, and His victory includes the one you need today.

Those who Jehoshaphat sent to sing and praise, saying, “‘Give thanks to the Lord, for his steadfast love endures forever’” (2 Chronicles 20: 21c), began praising before the Lord intervened; as Scripture says, “And when they began to sing and praise, the Lord set an ambush against the men of Ammon, Moab, and Mount Seir, who had come against Judah, so that they were routed” (2 Chronicles 20:22). When we worship out of trust in the Lord, He responds with His victory.

“But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him” (John 4:23).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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Endure Until the End

It is a heroic characteristic to endure. If we are able to have the blessing of sticking it out in this life, we endure its hardships and suffering. But movies send the misleading message that right after hardship, things immediately get better and stay that way. Reality, however, doesn’t pan out that way. Yet, because Jesus gives us hope beyond this world, we can endure, and if we have the faith, we can also trust that Jesus will make it all worth it in His Kingdom.

Jesus said of the end times, “Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved” (Matthew 24:12-12). We aren’t promised better times; in fact, we are assured that the wickedness we must endure will get progressively worse.

Love must not grow cold in us, but must be kept warm in our hearts in order to endure, and we are warned that most people will fail at this. It is love that indicates our ability to stand firm to the very end.

Love is first on the list of fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22. In my own experience, love is not possible without the help of the Holy Spirit. I am keenly aware how much my flesh opposes love, a tension I’ve wrestled hard with; the world tells us we “love” each other just fine thank you very much, but the world’s love is not God’s unselfish, uninhibited, deeply caring, unconditional, eternity-enduring LOVE. The flesh, or the desire for self-preservation and avoidance of pain, gets annoyingly in the way of that kind of love.

To die to self is the only way to let the God-given, miraculous kind of love flow through us, and to choose to live by the Spirit instead of the flesh. As far as I’ve been able to learn in my journey, to deny the flesh and live by the Spirit is what we must do to be able to endure in love until the end of this age.

On days like today, my flesh wants to enter into the world’s system and way, and fight on my own strength from a place of fear disguised as anger and a sense of rightful injustice. Today I need to work extra hard to remember the Truth–that “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still” (Exodus 14:14). And that we are not of this world, “But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ,” (Philippians 3:20). We are to seek first the kingdom of God (Matthew 6:33), (because isn’t that hard enough for us?), and trust that God will provide, no matter how bad things look.

A necessary disclaimer I must add here is that of course I know that there are those whom God has given the strength to work for justice in this world, even among the increase of wickedness, and they are doing good and necessary work that I admire and applaud. But anyone who works against the tide of wickedness and endure in love must be given a God-given purpose in their work, not of fear. It’s the fear-driven anger I feel that tells me that work is not mine to do. And that is the perspective I’m coming from it all with today.

Things are getting harder. But God has not let us be blindsided by this fact; He warned us long ago. And He calls us to endure. Endure in faith. Endure in love. Endure in hope. “Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted” (Hebrews 12:3). To endure, we must keep our eyes fixed on Jesus. Amen.

Remember that out of great tribulation comes a promise, “They shall hunger no more, neither thirst anymore; the sun shall not strike them, nor any scorching heat. For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their shepherd, and he will guide them to springs of living water, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes” (Revelation 7:16-17).

“Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord‘” (Romans 12:17-19).

“Therefore as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity” (Colossians 3: 12-14).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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Falling Awake

Historically, sleep has been one of the biggest struggles in my life. I’d sleep when it was time to be awake, and be awake when it was time for me to be asleep. Since I can remember, I’ve had nightmares of sleeping through my alarm and missing something important (even though I can’t remember one time when I actually did).

I’ve felt like I was running late for my whole life, never feeling like I was calm or collected or fully present when I’d show up to pretty much anything. My soul was stressed trying to catch up to wherever my body was due to be. And I’d beat myself up for it. Why did I have to be that way? So I’ve made myself suffer more than anyone else, and been my own worst enemy too. When I finally matured enough to understand the importance of loving myself, well, I was rudely awakened (pun intended).

But this isn’t really a story about literal sleep. I want to tell the story of being asleep spiritually. Only we know where we are spiritually–that’s a private, intimate understanding between you and God alone. No one keeps us accountable for how much we’ve died to ourselves and surrendered to God today. We experience the consequences of that, certainly. But we don’t have the accountability of others unless we invite them into that journey, and they’re willing to walk with us.

Since my life completely spun out last year, I’ve had no other option but to ask for help. I had to let go of the pride that tried to convince me I could handle it with just me and God. Initially, it was purely a survival move to ask for help, not a spiritual one.

If you’re suffering, and trying to handle things alone, let this be an encouragement to let go of what’s holding you back. Ask for what you need. Needing help is not weak, it’s human. Remember that none of us can do anything on our own anyway. We’re just not as powerful in that way as the world wants us to believe, and that is a relief because it helps to move towards what we authentically are–broken and in need of help and a Savior. And in Jesus, we are given His authority to be more powerful than any powers or principalities in this world; through our weakness He is strong (2 Corinthians 12:10). Lay down whatever you’re holding on to and ask for the help you need to be more fully who you really are, and not what the world wants you to be.

I’d heard about surrendering to God for years, but had convinced myself I didn’t really know how to do that. How was I supposed to find time to surrender to God? I had bills, demands on my time, and a mind that could barely focus or be still without it feeling like torture. How was I supposed to even know what He was saying to me so that I could obey?

Those of you who have walked with the Lord a long time will know that I had drifted from the heart of God and wasn’t putting Him first in my life. It had happened slowly and gradually over the course of several years. I spent less time in prayer, less time in the Scriptures, less time desiring to be in His presence and in worship of Him. I spent more time thinking about my own life, where I wanted it to go and what I wanted to do, and unknowingly started building my own kingdom, like I wrote about last week in Jesus’ Kingdom vs. my kingdom. Spiritually, I wasn’t growing. When I’m not growing in relationship with Jesus, I feel like I’m dying. And I was.

But once I asked for help, and stopped pretending everything was good enough to keep going without any changes, I started to wake up, or to “fall awake.” I started to realize I had been asleep to God’s leading, asleep to the subtle changes that indicated I was growing further apart from His will, and asleep to who He had made me to be. I had been living in a way that had become resigned to the status quo, and just trying to get by. I was too tired, burned out, and stressed to wake up. Until I was simply unable to live like that anymore.

I got accountability, reduced responsibility, and focused on enjoying life again. And soon, God convicted me about surrender. I thought I’d surrendered my life to Jesus many times. I’d even surrendered each area of struggle and sin in prayer at a Freedom conference in 2023. But my life didn’t look different, it just felt more like a trap.

God gave me His whole heart, and had been patiently, kindly waiting for me to give my whole heart to Him too. He never asks us to do anything He hasn’t already done first. I had to give my whole life to Him, not just the parts I was comfortable with. I had to surrender all, just like the hymn says.

For me I’ve learned that surrender means not moving ahead with a decision without praying first and waiting for discernment, peace, and understanding from God. Surrender means not letting fear keep me from driving a car or talking to strangers or being vulnerable in a blog post, not by willpower or unfounded affirmations, but because Jesus is enough for me. He empowers us to lean on Him even as we do things that scare us and are uncomfortable for us and trigger our nervous system to shut down. Even there, I am being taught to trust Him in those moments to never forsake me, and to be strong when I am weak.

Surrender means dying to self daily (see The Serpent’s Question). Surrender for me means trusting God for provision when I can’t provide for myself, and changing my career to be aligned with who He made me to be and furthering His Kingdom in all the ways He has made me able. Surrender ultimately means living freely and lightly (Matthew 11:30).

There’s no quick fix, no way to surrender once and for all. It’s an ongoing, living, breathing relationship with Jesus that sustains us in a life of surrender to Him. And there’s no better life to live, because it leads us to freedom and eternal life with Him, the King of Kings.

So, I’m still working on surrendering everything every day, and will be for the rest of my life. Surrendering my literal sleep, a place where I’ve allowed years of shame to come on me, is one of the areas I’m working on now. But I have immeasurable hope, whereas before my hope had grown dull. God who began the good work He started in us will carry it on to completion (Philippians 1:6), no matter how far we may fall along the way. But once we are awake to His truth and His life, we can continue to choose to stay awake.

May we stay awake to the voice of God, and to the work He is accomplishing in the earth.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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Jesus’ Kingdom vs. my kingdom

Tomorrow I am about to do something that one year ago I wasn’t sure I would again…drive on a highway.

I quit my corporate job almost one year ago. I was miserable, burned out, and wasn’t able to drive a car because it would trigger a horrible panic attack. My body was tired from constant anxiety and a high heart rate. I thought that by staying at a “good” job I was being responsible, taking care of my own life. But oh, how much I was missing! I can only see now in hindsight that my soul was dying. No matter what I did I couldn’t shake that feeling. I was living in the cage I’d unknowingly built for myself, filled with fear and devoid of true surrender. (Creed’s “My Own Prison,” anyone?)

I got to a point last year when the only thing I hadn’t tried was letting go of the idea of controlling my own life. Control was something that I had believed I had to have so fiercely that I couldn’t discern that there was any other way to think. I’d nod at sermons saying to let God be in control, but I had no idea what that really meant for me in my own life. Well, this is the year I found out!

At my wit’s end in a constant state of anxiety, I was forced to take the chance, and tried my very best (pretty badly) to force myself to trust that God would make a way for me as I actively let go of my job. I took a step not knowing what I was going to do next, but at least trusting that I couldn’t stay where I was while also living the life of thriving and wholeness in Christ that I have believed in and have been inching toward since 2015 when I gave my life to Jesus. I just knew He didn’t want me to feel like I was dying every day. He doesn’t want anyone to feel that way.

If you do feel that way today, know that you aren’t alone. Know that that isn’t how life is supposed to feel. Know that God has better for you and always, ALWAYS gives us a way out of our ways of death and into His abundant life. But it will be painful at first to first realize what has been allowed in your life and then to let go of what feels normal. It sure has been for me.

This last year, my life has been testimony story after testimony story of how God restored me inside and out. He provided a real rest, which I so desperately needed after forcing myself to work on something that was not good for my spirit for so long. He used my family to help me enjoy living again, walking again, cooking again, doing things that I actually enjoy again. He healed me from the constant state of panic that I had been suffering with for months. He inspired me to be creative and use my creativity again–but for His Kingdom, not my own. He restored my soul (Psalm 23:3) by teaching me how to wait for and hear His voice. He gave me opportunity to serve others. He is faithful to complete the good work He started in us (Philippians 1:6). Please don’t forget, because it’s so easy to, but remember that He will never leave you, and He will make a way for life in your soul with Him.

So what about tomorrow? I’m driving a long distance, because God healed me of the fear that kept me stuck not driving for months, to go to a place where God called me to go, and be in a place where He called me to be. I can be free, and it’s only because of Him and His work in me. He freed me not only of the mental cage of having to be in control, but the physical restriction of being unable to get myself anywhere in a car. He is truly the Healer. In whatever way you may need healing in your life today, friends, go to Jesus. His Kingdom is the only one that will last, and the only one that brings life.

“as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:18).

“‘To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever!'” (Revelation 5: 13b)

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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Breaking Two Years’ Silence with Self Love

I’m just realizing my last post was 23 months ago.

I no longer have the desire to blog in the way I used to, spending hours pouring over every word, a little nervous every time I would click “publish.” While I am so grateful for what I was able to share, I couldn’t continue in the old process; I needed time away. Sustaining the writing process is a huge part of blogging, and I needed time to find a better way. So, if you you’re here for the first time, welcome. If you’re still here, thank you. I’ve loved having this space to share my life with the King of all, and I am so grateful to be able to get back to it.

I am in the middle of a season of working on self love, recently kicked into high gear. I don’t know about you, but loving myself never came as naturally to me as loving others. I’ve learned that they truly go hand in hand. The cliche is entirely true, that you have to love yourself before you are capable of fully and truly loving others well. We are all so connected, much more than we tend to realize. The way we love ourselves, or don’t, affects others whether we realize it or not.

So, how do we love ourselves?

For those of us who struggle with this, I’ve found it helps to first rest in Jesus. We can’t white-knuckle our way to loving ourselves, we have to let ourselves go. For me I think it’s the control that I try to keep, often without even realizing it, that blocks love from flowing. When we rest in Jesus, our defenses aren’t up, we are present, and we are showing up in trust of Him that He will keep us safe as we rest. Self love requires trust, and faith in Jesus’ strength, not our own. We can rest sweetly because of Him.

Another way is through the renewing of our mind. Taking every thought captive that is negative about ourselves, recognizing it as something that doesn’t belong and isn’t from Jesus, and resisting, praying that Jesus would release us from the grip of the enemy and keep him far, far away. And, injecting some praise and worship music into that process, rejoicing in the Lord and repeating some declaration lyrics doesn’t hurt either!

And while there are many other ways to love ourselves, the last one I’ll share is to take time to care for the body. Body and mind work together and both need intention to keep aligned with love. Vagal toning exercises to calm the vagus nerve, core strengthening exercises, and strength training have made the biggest impact for me. Strong bodies are needed to support a strong mind, and vice versa. Every time we invest in our bodies, we are also investing in a solid defense mentally against negativity, and lies or doubts about ourselves.

Thanks for reading my first little post in two years (!), and let me know in the comments what has helped you in your own self love journey, let’s support each other as we love ourselves to love others as Jesus loves us.

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3 Ways to Walk in Humility

This past weekend, I took a silent retreat on a beautiful little property where life was thriving. The bugs, beetles, flowers, and animals were all singing their songs happily in the summer sun. I had never been there before, and going in, I thought I would use the time in silence to reflect and grieve and process life with the Lord. However, my environment had such an effect on me, that I couldn’t help but pay attention to it. I got caught up in the dance between butterflies, the ripples in the pond, the scent of an old pine tree, the coo of a dove. I couldn’t help but find joy in the moment and in being where I was among so much beauty, designed by our Creator. I felt free to wonder and be in awe in the present moment.

But a few days later, that feeling has worn off. I woke up feeling the same dread that I’ve woken up with on many days; dread of the sadness I’ve endured and sadness I’ve yet to endure. Dread of the pain and process of living. And while that’s a legitimate emotion that should be fully acknowledged and felt and processed, I want to challenge myself and anyone who can relate, with the truth that that feeling is based on an assumption of going through life without God’s presence. Of doing life on our own. But the truth is that God is with me just as much today as He was during my retreat, thus, the feeling is simply unfounded. Not worthless, not shameful, but normal and human. And also, the feeling is robbing me of the full joy of being, here and now. I challenge you and myself to choose to believe the truth that God’s presence is here and provides every reason for joyfulness, even on days when we wake up and don’t feel it’s true. What is true is that He has provided all we could ever need.  

Humility is depending on the Lord to provide. 

We all encounter this dilemma of choosing between humility and pride, both in the big and small decisions in life. I have discussed an aspect of this before in my post, Dealing with Pride. We all want our way, sometimes overtly and sometimes subconsciously, but beneath it all is the same sinister thing that keeps us from humbly submitting to the Lord and trusting His goodness and provision. This makes us feel distant, can turn into that feeling of dread or worse. This is something that we all deal with and learning to deal with it in healthy and life-giving ways can make all the difference in the very trajectory of our lives. We all are born with pride, it’s the human condition, so we all must learn to handle it when it does wash over or take hold of our perspective. So how do we handle pride in a healthy way that won’t distance our hearts from God further?   

1. Remember how God dealt with you kindly even in your worst moments.

An amazing story in the Bible of not only God’s kindness, but the kindness of people for each other is found in the book of Ruth. Kindness is the thread that runs throughout the short four chapters and it goes around the characters like a chain reaction. Kindness and humility go hand in hand. Boaz’s character reflects that of the Lord, who sees our humble loyalty to Him and rewards it with blessing. 

Later in the story, Ruth proposes marriage to Boaz, an extremely bold and humble thing to do, as it vulnerably demonstrates her dependence on him. Boaz dealt with her boldness kindly. It is out of a keen awareness and gratitude for God’s kindness that true humility can rise up in our hearts and help us to act in the love that Jesus calls us to. Even when we don’t act in great love as Ruth did here for her mother-in-law Naomi, we can all think of ways the Lord has dealt kindly with us. As Romans 2:4 says, it is God’s kindness that leads us to repentance. Fully owning our worst moments and repenting of our pride is the first step in humility.  

2. Decide, once and for all, to pursue genuine change of heart with Jesus.

At some point in our lives, we have to make the choice in faith that God’s way truly is best for us. We all have that decision to make for ourselves, whether His will for the long term is better than getting our way in the short term. There comes a point when we must stop excusing our pride away. At some point we need to acknowledge that anytime and every time that temptation arises, it is never justified to act upon it and follow it if we have committed our lives to following Jesus. We need to recognize it for what it really is, idolatry of the self. By letting our own will rule our perspective, we are placing ourselves in a place only God is righteous, just, and loving enough to fill.

When we are able to own up to our sinful nature, not just a single event or instance, but our heart condition of sin, only then can we fully allow Jesus through the door of our hearts to begin to heal what pride has twisted up in us. When we rely on Jesus with our entire self, we are no longer powerless against pride. We are instead empowered by the Spirit of the Living God to walk in love and humility, even becoming able to truly love our enemies because of God’s love for us while we were still His enemies. This ability is the beautiful and mysterious truth about authentic followers of Jesus. But it doesn’t come easily, and it doesn’t happen immediately. It takes a very close, intimate relationship with Jesus, spending time learning from Him and knowing His love ourselves, not through anyone else’s opinion or experience. It may be helpful to remember that even the demons “knew” Jesus, but they did not believe with a personal trust in Him, which is the kind of knowledge we’re talking about. Knowing Him and His character takes time, just as any relationship does, but it starts with faith that this long journey of learning and seeking to understand the love of Jesus is worth it. 

3. Remember Jesus is King and you are not. 

The more we learn about Jesus, the more beautiful, healing, and powerful we understand Jesus to be, it’s important to remain aware that we will come to identify ourselves with Him, because He identifies so closely and intimately with us. However, we must understand that there is potential in that process for pride to sneak in. Yes, we can identify with Jesus, we model our love and humility after Him. But we must remember who we are, under the authority and ownership of the King, Jesus Christ. Though He can and does work through us, we are not the judge, ever. At best, we may hope to be called His servants, a title of the highest honor for any mortal. As His, we are abundantly provided for, perfectly protected, and infinitely loved. In His care, there is no more need to look for satisfaction in the things that tempt us, because we know where true satisfaction is found, and we have found Him. 

Where is our heart’s condition and motives? This is what Jesus looks at; He fully knows the true condition of our hearts. Come into His presence today. Allowing ourselves to be driven by pride is damaging to us in the long term, but He knows what it’s done to our hearts, and He seeks to fully heal and restore each and every one to wholeness as His beloved ones.

It is only in His presence that our heart is fully at home.  

While only Jesus heals, there is responsibility on our part for our own heart’s condition. It is always God’s will to heal us of our pride and gently, patiently teach us the humility of Jesus, but He always takes our choices into account. Friends, I invite you to choose to know His presence with you in a fresh and deeply healing way. I invite you to the perspective that there is always reason to rejoice because of His presence and salvation. I invite you to stand in awe and wonder in the present Presence of the Lord, because there we are home.

Further Reading: The Prodigal God by Timothy Keller

“…I rejoice in your salvation.” (1 Samuel 2:1, ESV). 

“But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.’” (1 Samuel 16:7, ESV).  

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace. 

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The Intimate Love of God

Half of 2021 has been harder for me personally than the whole of 2020 was. While I love writing and sharing with you on this blog, sharing has seemed next to impossible at times, even to those closest to me. I’m grateful you are here after all this time away. In the past 14 months, I’ve found amazing solace outdoors, taking in the beauty to be experienced on nature walks. Nature somehow has a way of putting me back in the present moment, and it (usually) helps to drown out the noise in my mind.

I remember one day on one of my walks this spring, a particular daffodil caught my eye. It was not yellow; no yellow at all, just all-white petals. I stopped to look closer. The daffodils all around it were either all yellow, or had white petals surrounding an egg yolk-yellow center. Even the inner trumpet was a pure white. Now, maybe this is completely ordinary to you and you’ve seen many a white daffodil, but it struck me as particularly beautiful. I just stood and stared for a while, in awe of what I’d found. It felt special to behold, like seeing a four-leaf clover, or a black squirrel. It felt meaningful somehow, and I was grateful to be there (and present) for it.  

I don’t often mind walking alone, but a couple moments later, I felt a pang of loneliness, wishing I could share the beauty I had found. Feebly, honestly feeling a bit silly, I asked Jesus as I walked toward home, “Did you see that?” Immediately, He was there. This unexplainable knowing of His presence came over me, one I’ve had rarely. Somehow, I knew all at once that Jesus had been and was present with me, I knew He’d heard me, and I just knew the answer was yes, He’s seen it too. “More than that, I see you seeing it,” He seemed to say in my heart. And just like that, I had shared in the wonder I’d found, my longing fulfilled. 

When we draw near in faith, Jesus is quick to fulfill our longings with His love.

Being loved by God and loving Him is so foundational to faith because it allows us to stop trying to fulfill our longings with anything but Him. Faithfully trusting His love, we grow in our own ability to show true love, even when we don’t want to (there are plenty of times when this is the case!). Within God’s love, we are set apart as Holy with Christ, aware of and operating from a place that draws from the well of His deep, complete love, completely different from the partial elements of love we may seek after in the world. I’d like to share a few beautiful passages that illustrate God’s incredible love for us. 

A question God asked was about, arguably, the most damaging decision of all time. Not an obvious choice to show God’s love, but perhaps that is why I find it so remarkable. In Genesis 3:13, God asks Eve, “What is this you have done?,” when He knew she ate the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil. But, did you know that this question isn’t only asked of Eve? 

Many years later, after establishing the nation of Israel through Moses and Joshua, God also asks the same question of the wayward Israelites (Judges 2:2). God used the faithfulness of Moses and Joshua to set the stage for the next best version of Eden possible. Eden, after all, represents God’s set of ideal circumstances for humans to thrive in. However, the Israelites could not keep God’s commands or stay faithful to the Lord.  

When God asks “What is this you have done,” again, hundreds of years later after He had freed His people from slavery in Egypt, built up their character through trial, and established everlasting covenants with them, I read this question with a tone of heartache, not just anger. With bitten-back tears, not only wrath. God wants the best for them, but He does not make decisions for people, or have faith for people–He opens Himself to the vulnerability of true relationship with humanity, and asks what we’ve done, perhaps not for His benefit but for ours. His love is apparent for Israel; even in their whoring against Him (Judges 2:17), this heart-wrenching question may be read from the heart of a Teacher, guiding the people to search their own hearts and ask it of themselves.

God heartbreakingly models what it looks like to love even when we don’t want to.

Hosea chapter 11 is quickly shooting to the top of my list of favorite Scriptures. In it is, to me, one of the most beautiful love letters in the Bible, straight from YHWH Himself to His beloved people Israel, here referred to as Ephraim, who was one of Joseph’s sons. I love to read this chapter as a love letter from our Father directly to us.

“When Israel was a child, I loved him, and out of Egypt I called my son. The more they were called, the more they went away; they kept sacrificing to the Baals and burning offerings to idols. Yet it was I who taught Ephraim to walk; I took them up by their arms, but they did not know I healed them. I led them with cords of kindness, with the bands of love…” (Hosea 11:1-4a). 

God’s love for Israel is given imagery, and reading on we see that His love never stopped, no matter what the people did. In Hosea, God continues, “How can I give you up, O Ephraim? How can I hand you over, O Israel? … My heart recoils within me; my compassion grows warm and tender. I will not execute my burning anger; I will not again destroy Ephraim; for I am God and not a man, the Holy One in your midst, and I will not come in wrath.” (Hosea 11:8-9). God’s compassion for us is so clear in this passage. Despite His “burning anger,” which unchecked would destroy them, God’s compassion makes destroying His “child,” meaning His people, an impossible option due to His loving character.   

The force of God’s love is stronger than anything, and will never fail because He is God.

Other passages that directly express God’s deep, intimate, and devoted love for us include this one from the prophet Isaiah who writes, “Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. Behold I have engraved you on the palms of my hands . . .” (Isaiah 49:15-16a).

Again we read the comparison of parent and child when it comes to the compassion of God. But I love this passage because it may refer to the nails driven through Jesus’ hands when He was crucified on the cross. Regardless, we are remembered by God on the very body of Jesus, by the scars from the nails that after His resurrection still engrave His hands (John 20:27), even as He is seated at God’s right hand. That is how intimately God loves us.  

Remembering relationship with God is a recurring theme throughout in the Bible. Jesus can never forget us as this passage from Isaiah states, for we are engraved, if not on his body then on His heart. In turn, God implores His people not to forget what He has done for them, who He is, and who they are because of Him. He asks the same of us, to remember the ways in which He has been and continues to be faithful to each one of us. 

Remembering Whose we are is a vital part of living in relationship with God.

“Is Ephraim my dear son? Is he my darling child? For as often as I speak against him, I do remember him still. Therefore my heart yearns for him; I will surely have mercy on him, declares the Lord” (Jeremiah 31:20). Because we read that God’s heart actually yearns for His people, even when they constantly are unfaithful, committing idolatry against Him generation after generation, I invite you to ponder for a moment the weight of the fact that David was referred to as “a man after my own heart” (Acts 13:22). Of calling Jesus, David’s descendant, His Son, “with you I am well pleased” (Mark 1:11), God shows us that personal devotion to our relationship means everything to Him. Yet, we must remember because we are so prone to fall in line with the Israelites’ way, living in a state of pride and attempting autonomy on our own strength apart from our fiercely loving Father.

In Christ, we no longer have to be afraid of the closeness of God’s love. I admit, Jesus’ presence can be difficult. For me it sometimes seems too good, and too close. But intimacy with God is something that we were made for before sin entered in. What does the enemy know of intimacy? It is innately human to feel the the pull of intimacy we were all born with. May we allow it to drive us to, like David, seek after God’s own heart for ourselves.   

Intimacy with God is more innate to us than our sinful nature.

After I found the white daffodil, that same night I was talking to Jesus about the beauty of the experience, and I felt His almost-too-good presence near again. He spoke to my heart, “Yes, it was beautiful. I saw you seeing it. That’s the way I see you, you know. The way you stopped to see the beauty of that white daffodil is the way I look at you. You’re so beautiful, I stop and point at you and say to my Father and the Holy Spirit, ‘Look! Isn’t she beautiful?’”  

Well, I just about lost it. Maybe you can imagine what hearing that meant to me in a season of isolation, and the intense intimacy of that. It was deeply personal and unique, and yet this is Jesus’ heart towards everyone, even with a “silly” faith the size of a mustard seed that feebly reaches out to Him, He is there for us. Please hear my heart and know that I am not sharing this to brag by any means, but to express the intimacy with which He loves and knows you just as well, and certainly immeasurably more. We are seen, known, appreciated, and loved deeply by Jesus whether we have a relationship with Him or not, and when we reach out to connect with Him, there is truly nothing better. He fulfills our need for love both in the ways we can understand, and far, far beyond them as well. For me that day, it was through a flower. For you, I hope you remember today that He loves you with an unending love, and experiencing that is only ever a reach of your heart in faith away. 

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of Life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. …” (Romans 8:1-3a).

Thank you for spending some of your time journeying with me. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to Life with the King, and like & follow the Facebook page; it truly helps me continue writing this blog. Grace and peace.

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